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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is DD BU re. NYE plans?

25 replies

OnAStick · 29/12/2016 23:45

DS18 has been asked to a friend'a for a two-night sleepover. He was originally meant to be working on one of the nights so would only go for one and told friend so.

He has since left that job so has decided to join us and his sisters for a weekend away instead. Friend is now upset that DS isn't joining for the second night, even though he didn't say he was going in the first place.

I have told him it's his choice, but DS BU in saying that he won't go for both now he is 'free'?

OP posts:

Original poster

OnAStick · 29/12/2016 23:45

Title should read DS obviously!

OP posts:

cookiefiend · 29/12/2016 23:47

No- he is not being unreasonable. He hasn't pulled pit or cancelled. He had an extra free day and is prioritising his family which is lovely.

PickAChew · 29/12/2016 23:48

He's NBU. It's not like he's going back on his original arrangement.

Veterinari · 29/12/2016 23:51

He I said going back on his original arrangement if he had told friend he was staying for one night and is now not going st all as is away with family. He should stick to the original night away he planned with friend.

YouTheCat · 29/12/2016 23:51

Your ds sounds lovely. And I like your name.

BewtySkoolDropowt · 30/12/2016 07:42

It's be so planning on going for the night he originally said he would do? If so hinbu.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/12/2016 07:51

He's not being unreasonable if he's still going for the one night.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 30/12/2016 07:51

He told his friend he could only make one night because he had to work the other one, so it's understandable his friend is upset that DS isn't going at all now, when he could actually go for both.

The friend was good enough when he only had one night off, now he has both off he's chosen to go elsewhere.

It's not very nice of him.

Gizlotsmum · 30/12/2016 07:53

So he said he would go for one night and now is going for none? Slightly unreasonable. Makes his friends look like a second choice... how long ago did he tell the friend?

Megatherium · 30/12/2016 08:10

It doesn't read to me as if he is cancelling both nights? OP says what friend is upset about is that her DS won't join him for the second night.

dementedpixie · 30/12/2016 08:13

Sounds to me like he is cancelling the trip altogether if he is now going away for the weekend. Has he cancelled the second night he was supposed to be staying? If so, then yes, he is unreasonable

Ciutadella · 30/12/2016 08:18

Is he still going for the first night (I think it was the first?) If so, he INBU. If he's now not going for either night, he IBU - once you've accepted, I don't think you should pull out, even for family!

Goingtobeawesome · 30/12/2016 08:18

He told friend he could only go for one. Did friend assume that meant he would be going for one?.

pklme · 30/12/2016 08:19

Unreasonable to cancel the night he has agreed to, really, but only a bit. Depends who else the friend has lined up. He may have wanted to change his own plans if your DS isn't going at all...

bowchikkawowwow · 30/12/2016 08:23

Assuming his Friend is the same age, he needs to act it! What 18 year old gets annoyed about a sleepover?!

Ciutadella · 30/12/2016 08:26

Well, it's NYE plans, so maybe a bit more significant.

'My bf was due to come for a night at the weekend but has pulled out at the last minute because she prefers to go away with family'. That would be at least an arguable AIBU!

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/12/2016 08:31

Im assuming ds is still going on the first night. Not unreasonable at all. His friend is playing top trumps.

PotteringAlong · 30/12/2016 08:34

He's not cancelling anything! He's just sticking to the original arrangement!

Friend is rung unreasonable, DS perfectly fine here.

dementedpixie · 30/12/2016 08:43

OP needs to confirm if he is still going for one night before I can say if her ds is unreasonable

HolidaySpiritsReinbeerAndWhine · 30/12/2016 09:26

I would also like to know if your son has pulled out of the whole thing. To be honest, I agree with others though, I'd be slightly hurt if I was the friend. The original reason was he couldn't come due to work- more than fair. Now it's 'free', your son has made 'other plans', seems a bit flakey to me. Yes, I know he never committed to night two, but since the time became free why not do them both? I guess I don't understand a teen who would only do 'half a thing' with a friend to go hang out with mum. Ultimately, this is between your son and his friend to sort.

dollydaydream114 · 30/12/2016 10:01

If your son is now not going to see his friend at all, and his friend is now stuck with nothing else to do on NYE as a result, then yes, he's being unreasonable. He's left a mate in the lurch.

But if your son was just one of a number of people who was going to be sleeping over at the friend's house, and the friend won't be spending new year on his own, then it's not really a big deal and it's not unreasonable to cancel.

Having said all that, given that your son is an adult it's really up to him to sort out. I think he's past the age where his parents need to be getting involved in his friendships/arguments.

harderandharder2breathe · 30/12/2016 10:09

If he's still going for one night hinbu

If he's now not going at all in favour of a better offer then hibu to let his friend down

JigglyTuff · 30/12/2016 10:26

The OP's DS is still going for the night he originally said he would go! He doesn't have to go for two nights if he doesn't want to - whether he's working, doing something else or staying home in his jammies on his own

If he had changed his plans because a better offer came along, that would have been rude but he didn't.

Fuckingnamechanged · 30/12/2016 10:52

Your ds' friend sounds a tad spoilt if they're expecting everyone to put their plans above all else...

ClaireLumia · 30/12/2016 11:11

If he's still going for the agreed one night then he's NBU but if he's not going at all then he's BU. Although I did read it as he's still going for the one night.

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