... Not to visit SiL and BiL when sick

[burnishedgold]

BiL has just merrily mentioned that he, SiL and two toddlers have 'heavy colds'. We are in our way to lovely PiLs for Christmas and due to spend Christmas Eve day at SiLs.

This has been heavily negotiated as SiL wanted us to stay with them for the duration. They are hard work (odd parenting style, not much fun, disorganised and spend most of time bickering). I have agreed we will stay with MiL (who is also delighted they only have to go to SiL for a day).

We have a toddler and a baby. Baby has only just gotten over a cold, I spent last Christmas in bed with a cold SiL gave to me. DH spent previous Christmas in bed. So I don't want to go to see them, assuming they are still ill. But it also feels mean. They have no other family around and are, I suspect quite lonely. DH is adamant we should not go (it's his brother) and has spent much of last year grumbling about how they ruined his last Christmas, but I could persuade him we should do the nice thing, much as I don't want to... WWYD?

Well it's only Wednesday, Christmas Eve isn't till Saturday. I'd hope they be well on the way to getting better by then. Even if they're not better by then, it's unlikely that you'd catch a cold from them and develop it by the next day.

I'd say see how it goes, if they are feeling better you could still go. If they are not feeling 100% maybe a shorter visit might work better for everybody's sakes.

However it sounds like you ( and certainly DH) don't actually want to go. I think it's pretty bad to cancel for Christmas Eve so close to the date, but if that's what's going to happen, let him make the call!

Tell him to go on his own then.
I wouldn't budge.
They made you sick last year, are they planning to turn that into your annual xmas present?

I would say in response to the news they are full of cold,
"Oh dear poor you! Remember last year when we all caught SIL's cold? I really don't want our two being ill over Christmas. Let's see each other on our way home from MIL's instead".

Anyone who thinks that's being precious is welcome to spend the holidays bunged up but some people seem open to every bug going and it's not fair to spread germs round someone else hosting you this Christmas.

Sounds like an unfortunate lifeline. The sort that guilt usually gets in the way of.

Joey I don't think you read it right when you're saying about OPs DH "tell him he should go on his own then".....he is the one that doesn't want to go and it's OP that's wavering.

It's only the 21st! They've got three days to get better surely?

Oh come on, it's a cold, babies have them constantly anyway. Make sure you do lots of hand washing and good hygiene practices. You are basically just looking for ways to not visit them at all when you've already curtailed the visit, just go!

Sod's law your kids will come down with something before Christmas anyway whatever you try and avoid

Yes it's DH who's being the hard arse about this, he's quite bitter about there behaviour last year (to me it was more fawlty towers than mean spirited), but I feel really bad cancelling for Christmas Eve, especially as I think they are looking forward to it. That said, DH has made a killer point in that my DM who we are also staying with after Christmas has been really ill (steroids, multiple anti bio tics and vitals and chest X-rays). She's so much better now, but the last hung she needs us another cold and as DC1 has not yet started nursery so we have a germ free window ! So they're still sick we will see them in the way home from DM. My understanding of a cold is its still infectious if you have any symptoms although less likely to spread if you aren't coughing and sneezing

I've had to cancel my only plans with family tomorrow because of two of my children being ill today. It's crap but not worth spreading it around xxx

Ah yes I see. I didn't read it properly.

I would give them a very wide berth.
C'est la vie. They'll just have to survive without you and your family this year.
They sound very inconsiderate.

Well if you aren't going you need to tell them fast.
They've probably got in lots of stuff already.

But don't go if you and your DH don't want to.