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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Man flu and looking after toddler

21 replies

user1482134515 · 19/12/2016 08:19

I honestly don't know if iabu or not, my OH certainly thinks so.
My DS, 2, was meant to go to nursery today but woke this morning with a high temp and clearly not himself. OH called work yesterday and said he wouldn't be in today - he's also got fever and cold. He has a tendency to be VERY dramatic when he's ill - coughs leave him doubled over and retching, his sneezes shake the house!
So .... Should I have taken the day off to look after them both?
I went with no. Left OH to it only to get a call as i reached the train station to say he'd just vomited and needs me home, I rush back only to find out he has NOT been sick, just coughed up some phlegm ffs.
I was furious and left to go to work ...again. But now I'm doubting myself and worrying about whether he can look after DS.
I should also mention that I've only just started a new job so I really don't want to be taking time off unless completely necessary.
What do you think...?

OP posts:

Stormwhale · 19/12/2016 08:21

Yanbu. Tons of sahm have to look after their children when they are ill. You just bloody well get on with it. You are doing the right thing.

KikiDee1 · 19/12/2016 08:22

But now I'm doubting myself and worrying about whether he can look after DS

You know him enough to have a baby with him but doubt him to look after your child?

TheProblemOfSusan · 19/12/2016 08:24

He'll just have to cope. Would he stay off in the same situation? Somehow I doubt it. But I'm very cynical.

GeorgeTheThird · 19/12/2016 08:25

He'll have to manage. You would.

Original poster

user1482134515 · 19/12/2016 08:26

Kiki of course I trust him under normal circumstances, he has DS twice a week and is an excellent, hands on dad. I'm just concerned that if he's as ill as he's making out then maybe he's not well enough to run around after a toddler

OP posts:

positivity123 · 19/12/2016 08:27

YANBU. Your DH is being pathetic.

HaveNoSocks · 19/12/2016 08:28

YANBU. I'm a stay at home mum and have to suck it up when I'm sick. It's just a bad cold by the sound of it. He'll just need to camp out on the sofa watching CBeebies and make some lunch.

KikiDee1 · 19/12/2016 08:29

and is an excellent, hands on dad

So brilliant that he coughed up phlegm and expects you to stay home?

Always surprised by people who declared that their OH are excellent fathers and then they pull stunts like this

QueenLaBeefah · 19/12/2016 08:33

YANBU

would your DH take the day off to care for you if you and your DS were both ill (I'm guessing not).

SnugglySnerd · 19/12/2016 08:37

Actually my DH has taken the day off to look after DD when I've been ill, more than once. That was a nasty sickness bug though that had be sharing my time between bed and the toilet.
With a bad cold I'm sure they can manage a duvet day together with tv and toast/biscuits.

Ahickiefromkinickie · 19/12/2016 08:37

You did the right thing, OP.

Don't doubt yourself.

Maybe OH will be less dramatic in future once he sees you expect him to just get on with it, as you do.

QuilliamCakespeare · 19/12/2016 08:39

YANBU. I've frequently had to look after a sick DC while being ill myself. It's not pleasant but I wouldn't have dreamed of demanding DH stay at home too. At the risk of sounding horribly sexist, it seems women do this sort of thing without thinking twice. Why can't men?

Original poster

user1482134515 · 19/12/2016 08:43

He did actually say he would have taken the day off if roles were reversed and actually I'm pretty certain that he would, difference being I would never think to ask unless I was dying!

OP posts:

Original poster

user1482134515 · 19/12/2016 08:44

Thanks, you've made me feel much better :) I didn't think iwbu

OP posts:

Fairylea · 19/12/2016 08:47

Oh come on, he can cope. Lots of people do when they've got a bad virus. In dire situations single parents even cope with no support when they have flu (I have, with chronic kidney problems for which I take daily antibiotics too!) Of course if he really did have flu or was seriously poorly you'd take a day off, but for a temperature and a bit of a mucky cough? Surely he can manage for a day. That's why CBeebies and iPads were invented!

Original poster

user1482134515 · 19/12/2016 08:51

Kiki, I never said he was perfect but he IS a good dad. He also has lots of flaws - as do I :)

OP posts:

Oysterbabe · 19/12/2016 08:56

Yanbu. I would see him being ill as a bonus, I wouldn't have to take yet more dependants leave to look after Plague Baby.

KikiDee1 · 19/12/2016 09:01

He has a tendency to be VERY dramatic when he's ill - coughs leave him doubled over and retching, his sneezes shake the house

I expect he saves this drama for you, bet he won't do this for DS

NapQueen · 19/12/2016 09:05

If I ring in sick it's because I am too ill to cope with driving to work and doing my desk job. Needless to say I'd only stay off (and have) for D&V and pneumonia. I thought the pneumonia was flu and tried for a few days.

So when I am off I am too ill to be able to take care of the kids. So they go to my mums if dh is at work.

Generally I'd say you ought to have been off to care for the dc as if dh is too ill to work he is too ill to care for the dcs.

However in this instance he certainly doesn't sound too ill to work!!

DearMrDilkington · 19/12/2016 09:06

His a dramatic soul isn't he?

Yanbu. Make sure he just has soup for dinner as he won't be able to manage anything else with that cough and sickness.

Sunshine511 · 19/12/2016 09:08

You did the right thing. My husband works overseas a lot and I've no local family so I normally have no option but to find a way to cope when I'm sick. Saying that, my husband has taken a day off before when I was throwing up all day. That's a different kettle of fish though. Like a previous poster said, he can set up camp on the couch and pop some cartoons on :)

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