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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When it still hurts even though they're grown up

17 replies

noalcoholformeplease · 16/12/2016 20:34

My son had his work's Christmas lunch today. He was very quiet when he came home. After a bit of probing it turns out that the woman who organised it put him at the end of the table, away from his team and with people he knew only vaguely. He did unintentionally) upset this woman a few weeks back but he apologised and tried to make amends. Obviously it hasn't worked but AIBU in thinking that she is a petty vindictive cow. Yes I know he's grown up but he's still my child and if he hurts, I hurt.

OP posts:
Pyrrha · 16/12/2016 20:38

Are we talking a 15 year old or 20 something? To be honest I think if you're old enough to work you're old enough to get on with a group of new people in a social setting. Unless he has medical or social issues then his boss should have accommodated. But generally, so what, chat to some new people, then later on make your way over to your friends.

bittapitta · 16/12/2016 20:39

Was he unable to talk to the colleagues he was sat with for some reason? Perfect opportunity to make new acquaintances I'd say. Is he very shy?

Tarla · 16/12/2016 20:40

How old is he and is this his first 'proper' job? I remember my first 'proper' job as an adult (as opposed to the studenty part time jobs I'd done before) and it was a definite learning curve. It's the job where you develop a thicker skin and learn harsh lessons like 'not everybody likes you', 'some people are dicks' and 'sometimes you can't do right for doing wrong'.

Sorry your DS had a shitty time, remind him that he's worth more than that and - if this behaviour continues - he'd be well within his rights to call her on it.

VladmirsPoutine · 16/12/2016 20:44

I see your point and I'd feel bad for him too. That said, part of being a professional is conducting yourself appropriately around colleagues. Disabilities aside, this shouldn't even be an issue.

FlouncedBack · 16/12/2016 20:44

Yes you are right to think she's vindictive. It was a Christmas lunch (peace and goodwill and all that) and she should have been big enough to get over whatever it was that twisted her drawers in to a bunch. I can't bear that kind of petty spite.

freebreeze · 16/12/2016 20:44

Yes but I think the point is someone abused their position/power against her son. This is wrong and would make him feel victimised and undervalued I should imagine. Whether he could or could not make new connections. with new colleagues is irrelevant to the point the OP is making IMO

MrsJayy · 16/12/2016 20:45

Och that is a shame of course it still hurts even though he is a big boy now just get him to watch this woman she might have a grudge against him now.

CaraAspen · 16/12/2016 20:50

Maybe people were mixed around a bit in order to make the event less clique-based?

RebelandaStunner · 16/12/2016 20:57

You are right she is a vindictive cow. I am an assertive grown up but would still want to sit with my friends for Christmas lunch not making small talk with random people.

VladmirsPoutine · 16/12/2016 20:57

free this isn't "abusing [a position of power]". This sort of thing happens all the time. At my works do I was sitting with people I'd only ever heard of but hadn't even met.

Nanny0gg · 16/12/2016 21:12

free this isn't "abusing [a position of power]". This sort of thing happens all the time. At my works do I was sitting with people I'd only ever heard of but hadn't even met.

Which is fine if everyone is mixed up. If not, then it's spiteful at worst, thoughtless at best.

Chocness · 16/12/2016 21:18

Bitta makes a good point here. Can he see that this seating arrangement could have been to his advantage and made it easier to network with new colleagues that he hasn't met before? It doesn't have to be seen negatively and even if the organiser did it out of spite if your son could still enjoy himself despite where he was sat then she has lost the 'argument' in a significant way.

Gallavich · 16/12/2016 21:22

Why couldn't he chat to the people he was sitting by?

creakyknees13 · 16/12/2016 21:28

So he is grown up and he doesn't get to sit with his mates at work for one dinner? Is that really enough to cause him to become subdued? If so, he does need to get a grip- sometimes you have to sit with people who are not your best buddies? Are you going to be 'hurting because he's hurting' every time something doesn't go his way at work?

How did he "unintentionally upset" the woman organising the dinner? Maybe her mother was hurt that he upset her (40 yo) baby- have you thought of that? Maybe she isn't actually that petty and just accidentally put him at the other end of the table- it's hardly punishment of the year, making him sit with people he doesn't know so well.

Arealhumanbeing · 16/12/2016 21:50

YANBU

Of course if he hurts, you hurt. Regardless of his age he's your son.

She might be a petty vindictive cow but it sounds like he has your support and can talk to you (eventually).

Bluntness100 · 16/12/2016 21:52

Cani ask how old he is and how he upset her please?

Littlepleasures · 16/12/2016 22:23

My dd has always struggled with shyness and social skills. Lasted only 2 terms at uni before breaking down and returning home. Spent 2 years looking for work getting more and more down and withdrawn. Out of the blue she was taken on by local firm who seemed to be able to see past the shyness and social awkwardness at interview. Gradually they built up her confidence and she has now qualified as a legal secretary. I so wanted to go in and see their managing director to say thank you for giving her such a supportive and nurturing working environment. Of course I didn't because she's an adult but you never stop wanting to take your child's pain away no matter what age they are.

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