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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband is fueling the fire

20 replies

parumpapumpuuum · 15/12/2016 22:29

My MIL and I don't really get along for various reasons that I won't go into on here.

She is a good gran to my DD but we don't see eye to eye on things and have had words a couple of times.

Anyway, from time to time if I ask DH about for instance "is she coming over on as day like last year so I can buy in something nice for breakfast" he'll reply with "I don't know because she doesn't really
Like you" it's well established that we've had our moments and she probably doesn't really like me but I always feel a bit like he's stirring it.

I told him day week when he said it that it was a hurtful thing to say when I was only asking a question

AIBU? I'm prepared to be told to suck it up. I can't make my mind up.

OP posts:
Original poster
parumpapumpuuum · 15/12/2016 22:32

*xmas day no as day!

OP posts:
WellErrr · 15/12/2016 22:33

He's being a dick.

conserveisposhforjam · 15/12/2016 22:33

That's not stirring. That's just being a cunt.

Original poster
parumpapumpuuum · 15/12/2016 22:35

I mean I don't like her but I don't think I could say it as bluntly as that.

OP posts:
NiceFalafels · 15/12/2016 22:35

He's being a knob. Stirring or something

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 15/12/2016 22:36

He's being nasty. Does he often disregard or stamp all over your feelings?

bluelilies · 15/12/2016 22:39

That's unessasary stirring. I think I'd respond with heavy sarcasm " Well thanks DH, that makes me feel really great" Hmm

Does he actually try to help the two of you get on better at all?

harderandharder2breathe · 15/12/2016 22:43

Yanbu that's unnecessary "no I don't think so" is sufficient, there was no need for nastiness (even if the feeling between you and her is mutual)

Original poster
parumpapumpuuum · 15/12/2016 22:45

My response was "ok well no need for her to come over. She can see DD open her presents another year."

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 15/12/2016 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 15/12/2016 23:17

I think I would say "Well yes, we all know that. I am not sure why you think thats helpful. Is she coming or not?"

TattyCat · 15/12/2016 23:19

Yep, he's adding fuel to it. A lot of fuel to it. He probably tells his DM that you don't like her too. Nice Hmm , and neither you nor his DM can even find a common ground on that basis.

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/12/2016 00:10

"Anyway, from time to time if I ask DH about for instance "is she coming over on as day like last year so I can buy in something nice for breakfast" he'll reply with "I don't know because she doesn't really Like you" "

In what way is that an answer to your question Confused? There's two possible answers in there:

  1. I don't know
  2. No she's not coming (because she doesn't like you)

So his answer is really 1., but then he decides to be a shit-stirrer! I think I'd go with Bogeyface's response.

napmeistergeneral · 16/12/2016 02:34

His answer is nonsensical. Perhaps he means "I don't know because she hasn't told me because she doesn't like you and deliberately wants to make things difficult and anyway I don't want to ask because she's my mum and you're my partner and I love you both and oh why can't you just get along my life would be so much easier". Either way he is neither answering the question nor addressing the issue.
She's his mother and I'm sure it may be difficult that his mother and partner don't get on but that's no reason to make things potentially more difficult by, as you say, stoking the fire. It is perfectly possible to be polite to those disliked or who dislike - for example by providing croissants. If he doesn't want to facilitate that small, kind gesture then yes it's a dick move.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/12/2016 03:16

He''s being an unkind dickhead.
There's no need for it.
You asked a practical question, he gave you a loaded answer that didn't really answer the question.
No need for it.

Perhaps he blames you for it and thinks you should do something to make her like you? (Come across this sort of thing before, it's utterly ludicrous)

But answering "well that's good then, I won't bother" (or what you actually said) was the perfect comeback to his asininely insensitive unkindness.

Atenco · 16/12/2016 03:26

He is definitely fuelling the fire. In fact, you might even be two people who would get on perfectly well if he wasn't running around stirring the shit.

SelfCleaningVagina · 16/12/2016 03:35

It sounds to me like he thinks he you are to blame for whatever falling out you have had with her. I think he wants to provoke a discussion with you about it so he can tell you that.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 16/12/2016 05:24

well, he is certainly his mother's son.
the apple didn't fall far from the tree there.
he is on her side, not yours.

i'd be looking at a separation in the new year, if that was me.
you need time and space away from him.

Dozer · 16/12/2016 05:48

What a charmer.

mum2Bomg · 16/12/2016 05:53

That's just unnecessary hurtful.

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