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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my relatives to visit without bringing their dog?

27 replies

Lindy2 · 27/11/2016 17:24

I like dogs but I've never owned one so I really don't know if I'm being unreasonable here or not.
We have family members who have a pet dog. She's quite friendly but very excitable and energetic and runs around and jumps a lot. We tend to see each other at Christmas but we mostly go to them as if we invite them to visit us they always want to bring the dog along.
I find it a bit strange that the dog is expected to visit too and actually I don't really want their dog running around our home.

We have other pets that don't get on well with dogs and would get stressed by it being here. We also have wooden flooring and don't really want it scratched to bits by the dog. Their own wooden floor has been completely wrecked by the dogs claws. I also find the combination of excited dog and excited children a bit full on and handle it much better if it's not taking place in my home.
I get the feeling that they think I'm a bit mean saying that we don't really want the dog here. Is it usual though for dog owners to take their dog everywhere with them? I find it a bit odd. They live about 1 hour away so don't stay over night.
We've invited them to ours this year and the dog issue has come up again of course.
What do mumsnet dog owners think? Am I a dog hating misery or are they a bit dog obsessed?

OP posts:
EC22 · 27/11/2016 17:26

I have a big mad dog, wouldn't dream of taking him visiting. My mum has a 5 month old puppy who she brings everywhere! I'm dreading having the conversation that she can't bring him Xmas eve/ day as it'll be too much with the 2 dogs 😔

MrsMozart · 27/11/2016 17:29

I don't take my dogs to people's houses. It'd be barking mad (excuse the intended pun Grin ).

Bluntness100 · 27/11/2016 17:29

If you don't want the dog, that's fine, it's your call, but do expect this will limit the times they can visit you. With a two hour round trip before they even see you, then they can't really stay for more than two hours before they need to get back for the dog, as they can't be left in too long. In addition some dogs can't really cope with being alone and can anxiety bark, cause bedlam etc,

You're call though, if uou don't want the dog there, just say, it's not unreasonable, but understand it will impact if they can come to you or not and if they can how long they can stay for.

humblesims · 27/11/2016 17:29

I tend to take my dog most places with me but I would always ask first and if I was asked not to take him then I wouldnt. Just tell them you dont want the dogs there as it will be too chaotic. They should understand really.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 27/11/2016 17:32

YANBU at all and they're rude to make you feel otherwise.

ValaMalDoran · 27/11/2016 17:34

My brother doesn't usually bring his but if he's here all day he might but he would ask first.

indigox · 27/11/2016 17:36

YANBU, I'd be pretty pissed off if someone brought their dog with them if they were visiting me. Such entitled behaviour.

Floralnomad · 27/11/2016 17:36

I have a very well behaved dog and I don't expect to take him visiting with me unless he is specifically invited without me asking.

LumelaMme · 27/11/2016 17:39

You're quite within your rights to say no.

I have dogs, and would never expect anybody else to put up with them.

mya83 · 27/11/2016 17:49

Yanbu

gamerchick · 27/11/2016 17:51

It doesn't matter really what any of us think. You're allowed to not want the dog and they're allowed to make a choice based on your thoughts. Neither is wrong.

I don't like dogs in my house full stop. Some visiting rellies brought a puppy once which ran everywhere like puppies do. The little bugger bit my boob it was that excited.

Stressful!

Original poster
Lindy2 · 27/11/2016 18:24

Thanks everyone.
I was starting to feel that I was the only one who would rather not have a dog running around their home.
I think we'll ask them if they'd prefer it if we came to them again, rather than them have to leave the dog. If they do come to us they have already said they won't be able to stay long as they haven't been able to bring her.
I will sit in their house and drink wine whilst watching the chaos around me (whilst secretly breathing a sigh of relief that it isn't happening in my home).

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/11/2016 19:24

That sounds like a good plan OP Grin

harderandharder2breathe · 27/11/2016 19:27

Yanbu to say you don't want the dog to come. Ywbu to then get cross if they choose to cut their visit short so as to not leave the dog home alone for too long.

harderandharder2breathe · 27/11/2016 19:28

Seen your update and that sounds very sensible

chatnanny · 27/11/2016 21:32

If you have your own pets I think you're absolutely right not to bring visiting animals in. Pets are territorial and many would be traumatised by a visiting dog, especially cats. We have two lively dogs and I wouldn't dream of assuming any invitation included them. If we were going away for more than a few hours I'd get someone to pop in on them

littlesallyracket · 27/11/2016 21:45

I love dogs but I wouldn't expect to be able to take a dog with me when we visited other people, unless they were dog-lovers who had made a point of saying 'bring the dog with you' (without being asked). YANBU at all.

My sister brings her dogs when she visits me or my parents, but that's because we love the dogs, don't have any pets of our own and have always told her it's fine to bring them - she would never just expect it! If you're not keen on dogs there's no reason you should have to have one in your house.

Katy07 · 27/11/2016 21:48

I wouldn't take my dog as she's a bit enthusiastic but equally I'd not stay long so she wasn't home alone for long.

chitofftheshovel · 27/11/2016 21:56

If I'm visiting people who don't, understandably, want my dog in their house I'll either leave her at home or take her and leave her in the car and go out to her. But she's pretty low maintenance and is happy to chill at home or in the car. But not all dogs cope with that.

Ballstowinplease · 27/11/2016 22:03

I love my dog and would happily take her everywhere with me, she is polite and loving but not everyone likes dogs. It is my choice to have a dog no one elses. I would never assume my dog was invited somewhere. My DB for example loves my dog as do his DC and DSIL but DSIL has decided that my dog has to stay in the garden at their house, which often means if isn't practical to take her. No big, but it just limits the amount of times I can stay. I would NEVER take my dog into a house with other uncaged animals. That is just asking for trouble! YANBU but is their a utility room the dog could curl up in?

Cherrysoup · 27/11/2016 22:04

Yanbu. I cannot comprehend how anyone would think it was ok to bring their dog along! I'd tell them no, my dog is extremely dog aggressive. It's not a child, it should cope alone for a few hours. I wouldn't dream of taking mine to someone else's house.

Noofly · 27/11/2016 22:05

I wouldn't dream of bringing my dog to someone's house, but I won't leave him for more than 4 hours so that can limit how long I'm out. YANBU, but as others have said, they may not be able to visit for very long.

SassyPants19 · 27/11/2016 22:20

We have a beautifully behaved dog who is, we joke the first child! However much we adore our boy it doesn't mean everyone else does and we've always hugely respected others. If He's invited we'll take him, otherwise he stays at home. Again, it limits our time away but that's small fry to keep others happy.

Ananke · 28/11/2016 01:31

I have a very excitable 2yr old dog and wouldn't dream of taking him anywhere he wasn't welcome. As you say, it would be chaotic and the dog owners probably wouldn't be able to relax either. I have family who love having him over but totally understand the ones who don't.

WiddlinDiddlin · 28/11/2016 03:00

I take a couple of my dogs to lots of places but always ensuring they are actively welcome first because its no fun if they aren't (even though both dogs would just lie on their mats, which I bring with me, and not move if thats what was required).

I don't allow children or dogs into my home - its a risk I won't take due to the dogs I have and some of their past experiences.

You have several options though, depending on your own pets.

You explain that your pets will be distressed by a dog running about, if their dog could be crated in your kitchen or living room (again depending on what pets YOU have and where you'll be for the visit) so it is not running about - that might be acceptable, but the dog must be happy about being crated not whine and cry the whole time.

Or, you'll come and visit them.

But, you say sweetly 'I know you will understand how important our animals needs are and see why we have to put our xyz animals needs before our own desire to have visitors'...

Chances are they will not want the bother of training their dog to be crated, of carting a crate about, and will just invite you over to them.

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