To ask why I bothered working myself into the ground?!

[Alabastard]

DD is 9 months old. I've been a single parent since she was a few weeks old, ExH found himself a younger model and has no contact with her. Embroiled in a maintenance battle but that's another story.

I recently went back to work. Had to leave my old job because it wasn't family friendly so found evening work. I'm lucky that DM is around to help with childcare as I haven't been able to afford nursery yet.

Very exciting day today. Payday! I knew it wouldn't be spectacular but I didn't think it would be this bad. I have worked myself into the ground. 2am finishes, no sleep, no food. For what? A tiny amount of money while ex refuses to pay any maintenance. I can't carry on like this. Christmas! How do I pay for that?! Thank God she's only 9 months and doesn't know the difference.

Someone please remind me why I'm working myself into the ground. Please.

Sorry to hear that. Is it the tax code?

I thought that but I've signed up to the HMRC Gateway and my tax code is correct! I think it's the drop from a "good" wage to minimum wage and sporadic hours. In my head it was worth it but now I don't know.

To be honest this isn't going to work long term.

Does your mum come to your house or do you pick up the baby at 2am/morning.

You will burn out with no sleep and not eating properly

Have you put a claim in for tax credits? Presumably you're entitled to family and working. If you consider it part of your wages it might it feel more viable.

Remember it'll be easier to get extra hours and get another job as your little one gets older

Have you checked entitledto to make sure you're getting child benefit/tax credits etc?

Most of the cost of childcare should be covered by tax credits, up to 70%. This job sounds totally undoable with a 9 month old OP. Poor you. My exh does not pay either and has left the country. It is hard.

I put a claim in when DD was born but circumstances were different. I'm just angry today, we planned a family together and he buggered off. So there's another claim going through at the moment.

DM luckily lives very close so I tend to sleep on her sofa when I'm on a late finish and bring DD home after breakfast.

Yep he's a prick. I'm still angry after 2 years, less often but it still hits me.

What kind of work are you doing?

Does DM work? Could she have DC for a few days shifts so you're working less overnights?

As a lone parent you could claim up to 70% of your childcare bill. I'd recommend finding some daytime work and a Childminder and putting in the claim for help with the costs.

I would sit down and do the sums and quite honestly you may not be better off (looked at in the round, including your quality of life) working. I am certain your baby is fine and happy with your mum but it seems unsustainable in terms of your own health and happiness.

I have a toddler and work full time by the way, I absolutely don't think mums shouldn't work!

DM is retired. I'm doing bar work at the moment.

Is it 16 hours a week to claim working tax credits?

May be worth 2 days a week working, claim working TCS and then also claiming childcare for the majority of the care too.

OP that sounds shit. Bar work till' 2.00am is far from suitable and you'd be better of cleaning. So sorry about your shit time currently.

Perhaps you are working to maintain your sense of self respect. Hats off to you. You don't need to spend money on Christmas; as you say your daughter won't care and you shouldn't either. It's much easier to get work when you're in work, so I'm sure you'll find something better soon.

No practical advice to offer; I don't have DC so others will be better placed to talk you through TC and CMS etc. But just wanted to say well done. It sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment and I hope that 2017 will be a better year for you

I am normally of the mindset that being in work allows you to make contacts to enable a clamber up the financial food chain but in this case it sounds like you won't last that long. I would consider cleaning or nannying, or even better, do this while setting up your own agency in order to leverage other people's work as well. Much better long term plan. Chat to your mum about this.

OP.

Thanks everyone. I am of the mindset that working is important but I don't think this is viable long term. It's just exhausting with very little reward.

Working is important but not everyone had that option and there are other ways to instill a hard work ethos. If this is the only work available to you ATM I think it's worth considering if it's a reasonable option on balance LG sleep and health. It doesn't mean you can't keep your eye our for something else

When you say your old job want family friendly what do you mean? The whole sector/industry you were in or the role? Do have transferable skills, a professional qualification/experience? You may be better off getting a full time role in your old area and a child minder (or part time if you can find one). It might actually be less knackering than the current arrangement? Difficult to advise without knowing what you did before...

I was working 48 hours a week, 5am starts. I asked for my hours to be reduced or changed and it was denied. It was unskilled work, I don't have any actual qualifications.

Mme, in which case I'd be trying to skill up, her a qualification etc... Your time and energy might well be better spent on that? Have you been to university? What interests you, access course into something?

Agree with hettie, maybe use this tine to get into college etc? Depending on what school qualifications you have, uni might be a stretch but lots of basic courses, vocational courses and access courses you could do for free

I'm a single mum as ex left when I was pregnant. I tried going back to work when ds was a baby and, honestly? I just couldn't do it. I was exhausted, I made £20 less than I did on benefits and I felt like I had worse self esteem because I was struggling so much. I went back on to tax credits ad upated my qualification untill ds was 3 and went to nursery attached to his school (he's nearly 5 now). It was genuinely the hardest period of my life, but it was with it to get us to the point we are at now (I'm senior management in sales, I found a family friendly company and work condensed hours to ds school day)

You are doing an amazing job, think long term about your plan and don't feel bad for the decisions you make to suit your circumstances and family.

Take care, I'm rooting for you

I think it would make sense to plan on being at home until your child reaches school age, and use the time when they are in nursery from age 2 or 3 to get some useful qualifications in order to start work at that point. I wonder if childminding might be a nifty possibility, as that would fit it with family life and school pickups pretty easily.