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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up of MIL

22 replies

LouBlue1507 · 21/11/2016 20:20

I'm really getting fed up of MIL recently. I really like her but she doesn't help herself!

I posted not long ago about how she was upset/annoyed that we went to visit FIL (they're separated but live in the same city) and didn't tell her or go to see her.

Anyway...

Since then we've been asked our Xmas plans and we asked if she had room for us and DD (16 weeks) for a couple of nights so we can come and spend time with her and visit other family members... No she didn't have room and 'wasn't doing Xmas this year'.. She has a DD (10) and we thought she meant she was going to her brothers house like her own DM was doing. No problem, we'll stay in a hotel...

Mentioned to FIL that we'll be visiting before Xmas and he offered us to stay there, great thank you! So all sorted.

Oh no! MIL is fuming! She does have room and only said she didn't because she was annoyed about the other week. How childish! So now we're awful for staying with FIL and not her, 'he'll have us all night and she'll get her allocated slot'

She also said how awful it is we weren't having visitors Xmas day, despite us telling her months ago that our first Xmas will be just us 3 and also our first Xmas in our own home. Besides not wanting visitors (hence the staying down for a couple of days) we can't allow MIL to visit, and not FIL and my parents. We're trying to be fair and not prioritise anyone above others!

I hate Xmas Sad

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 21/11/2016 20:30

God, she sounds totally unreasonable. YANBU.

ChuckGravestones · 21/11/2016 20:34

'oh well, maybe next year'

Silly MIL - she stuffed that up didn't she?

clare2307 · 21/11/2016 20:38

She is ridiculously unreasonable but I also think you are being a bit unreasonable about Christmas Day... Surely it wouldn't hurt to let grandparents visit for a short period at some point during the day? I don't get the whole 'just us' thing at Christmas (or ever really) as we like to see family but each to their own.

Stripeyblanket · 21/11/2016 20:38

Ridiculous. Bloody tell her straight! If she didn't act like a child she would be happily hosting you but as she chose to act like a child, she now can't as you've made plans.

Original poster
LouBlue1507 · 21/11/2016 20:47

clare2307

I don't think we are being U about Xmas day... We live an hour and half away from family and have 3 sets of grandparents... There's no quick visits!
We would like a couple of days just to ourselves where we can slob in our pjs and enjoy each other's company in peace! DD is too young to realise what Xmas is so they're not missing out on anything yet!

OP posts:
Ahickiefromkinickie · 21/11/2016 20:48

So you're happy to stay at MILs and FILs for 2 nights but not happy to have them visit you on Xmas day? Seems a bit tight. Unless you have them to stay at other times?

Original poster
LouBlue1507 · 21/11/2016 20:52

Ahickiefromkinickie We have no room for people to stay (small flat)... The only reason we're staying over is because people have said in the past we should and to ensure we can spend a whole day with people instead of squashing everyone into 1 day which we usually do.

OP posts:
Original poster
LouBlue1507 · 21/11/2016 21:21

So much stress for no reason!

OP posts:
Ahickiefromkinickie · 21/11/2016 22:26

I can understand about wanting to slob out in PJs.

I think it's best to stick with staying with FIL on this visit. Maybe you could visit MIL on one of the days?

ohfourfoxache · 21/11/2016 22:57

Her stupidity has backfired enormously Grin

Just ignore it- if she chooses to pitch a hissy fit then just leave her to it, it's her problem not yours

Original poster
LouBlue1507 · 21/11/2016 22:58

That's the plan! To spend a whole day with MIL but that's not good enough now! She thinks that she should come first before everyone! Next year the 3 of us will just go on holiday for 2 weeks and not see anyone! Haha!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 21/11/2016 23:00

Well, what's she cross about? You asked her first and she said 'no'.

Silly cow.

Original poster
LouBlue1507 · 21/11/2016 23:06

I think she's cross because a) She didn't organise it herself and b) We're not doing exactly what she wants.
She comes across as a complete control freak sometimes! If she knows we're having visitors she'll message or phone whilst they're here to find out what's going on, being said etc? Hmm
When I see her, she's lovely and I really like her but she tried to control everything and doesn't like the fact DP has grown up, has his own family and life with other priorities now!

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 21/11/2016 23:22

Oh I remember your previous problems with her...yanbu.

My mil also has to organise things herself or she is not happy. We tried to accommodate her last year with an 8 week old dd and she was just awful. This year we are doing our own thing on Xmas day and she has kicked off...which is a joy to witness quite frankly.

Stick to your guns

BackforGood · 21/11/2016 23:26

I do sometimes get a bit fed up with MiL posts on MN - many, it seems, can't do right whatever they do.
But in this case it does seem she's made her own bed to lie in.
You asked if you could stay there. She said no. You have then been offered space elsewhere, and she is upset Confused. She's got no legs to stand on for any complaint, and hopefully will learn from it, otherwise she has a lot of years to come of missing out on her new grandchild.
You'll do well to continue as you are and not get drawn in to her drama.

ThisThingCalledLife · 22/11/2016 03:44

Don't pander to mil - stay with your fil and visit whoever you like.
Refuse to engage in her pity party.

MIL was being childish and it backfired on her. She's just going to have to lump it.

Start as you mean to go on or she'll use this tactic forever.

MumsGoneToIceland · 22/11/2016 05:00

YANBU. If you give in you, are enabling that behaviour. If mentioned again, simply say that she was asked first and had the opportunity of an overnight stay but said No.

Nothing wrong with having a Christmas Day to yourself every now and again either especially a 'first'

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 22/11/2016 05:08

As PP have said... don't give in. How doea your DH feel about it?

Chottie · 22/11/2016 05:21

This is so sad to read. It's Christmas, YANBU to want to spend Christmas Day with your immediate family. It seems to me that whatever you do your MiL thinks it is wrong...

user1479786586 · 22/11/2016 05:44

M so sick of my Mil's continuous talk that I wish you have a baby boy and even her sisters say this too. M badly frustrated and wish I have a baby girl. M so frustrated that sometimes I wake up in the middle of my sleep thinking what will happen. I checked myself that I have acute anxiety too.

FrogTime · 22/11/2016 05:54

This would drive me potty.

Mine drops in whenever without calling first. We enjoy Xmas on our own - my parents are too far away and we have work on Xmas eve/boxing day so couldn't stay over. Going to PIL, someone always ends up in a strop (not us!!!) And it always gets uncomfortable.

Do what you want to do!

clare2307 · 22/11/2016 08:16

Fair enough if they live 1.5 hours away, they can't really come round for a half hour then. Don't let your MIL stress you out - she caused this situation not you!

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