Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have a wine midweek?

30 replies

Fanjango · 16/11/2016 23:42

I've had a crap day. I'm totally fed up. My school refusing son had an assessment for ASD today, he couldn't do it. He wouldn't talk to the Dr and wouldn't do the tasks. No test, no diagnosis. Now, after over a year of waiting, we have to spend months having informal chats till he's able to talk to them. He's not attended school since he transitioned to seniors in a massive school that sent him over the edge and dented his already fragile mental health. So tonight I'm having a wine. It's the middle of the week. I don't care. Is that unreasonable?

OP posts:
GodlessDomestic1 · 16/11/2016 23:44

A wine?? Good lord, I've got less than half of the issues you are dealing with and I've had over half a bottle (and I'm not even sorry). Sup up and enjoy it.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 16/11/2016 23:45

As the mother of a dc with ASD who's reaching the end of a glass of wine (me not the dc for clarity's sake) no YWNBU.
Do you want to talk about what happened today?

ouryve · 16/11/2016 23:47

YWNBU to have the whole bottle!

I felt I'd made massive progress with my 12yo, at the weekend, because he was able to say "Mmm" when I paraphrased his CAMHS psychiatrist's questions. Last appointment, he completely clammed up and wouldn't even consent to being weighted and measured.

Original poster
Fanjango · 16/11/2016 23:55

Hahaha. There was me thinking I'd be berated for drinking!! We've waited so long for this appointment, others are getting diagnosis on the day. I took my mum so I could talk after the test so I could be sure to get the answer today. He freaked. Pulled his Santa hat, yes I know, over his face and grunted at them. He's no "normal" most of the time but put him under stress and he flips. It's now going to be a long process and he's missed months of school as he couldn't handle the strangers and noise of the huge academy for seniors. It's been building up for a few years but taken so,long to get to this...now I feel totally gutted. I've to call several groups tomorrow to get help, for his mental health and education. Feel crappy

OP posts:
GiddyOnZackHunt · 17/11/2016 00:04

Did they say you might get an answer today? It took us 6 months to get the firm diagnosis. Initial visit for history, social comms, questionnaire from school and another consultation.
At the first one dd mostly refused to talk, when she did talk it was a stream of consciousness, walked up and down and flapped and cried.
Dr said "Are they always like this?" in a slightly alarmed tone.
It might not have hurt for them to see 'bad'

Original poster
Fanjango · 17/11/2016 00:09

We've already had several meetings with the team but different paed every time. This was the full ados test..and they could have given the result today, if he'd complied. Now it's going to take even longer. His school have been understanding but slow. He's not gone in after day three...unauthorised absences are currently in there 80s

OP posts:
GiddyOnZackHunt · 17/11/2016 00:18

Oh that is frustrating. And presumably distressing for you both :( It's so hard that the only route to diagnosis forces them into a situation that is so stressful.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 17/11/2016 00:21

Is there any other smaller school or a school that would try to treat him as if he were diagnosed? We moved dd at primary level to a school with a great SENCO who took us seriously pre diagnosis.

Toffeewhirl · 17/11/2016 00:24

I'm too tired to say anything sensible, but I have been in your shoes and wanted to send my sympathies. (Oh, and I need wine daily Blush).

Original poster
Fanjango · 17/11/2016 00:27

The only route to a smaller school is ehcp. The school he's been placed in has 8 classes of 30 per year..and apart from grammar or fee paying there's no other choice. There's a fantastic specialist school..but it's full and you must have ehcp before even trying. It's horrible. His mental health nosedived when he tried to start at the school, it took just 3 days before he broke down and they no,longer wanted him on the premises as they thought he was a flight risk

OP posts:
Kel1234 · 17/11/2016 00:30

I enjoy a drink every night, and more than just a glass

Jermajesty · 17/11/2016 00:31

No

Original poster
Fanjango · 17/11/2016 00:33

Jermajesty...chin chin. Succinct reply...like it Grin

OP posts:
GiddyOnZackHunt · 17/11/2016 00:36

The magic EHCP :(
Have you posted on the SN boards here because there will be much more useful people than me there.
You've got him through primary. You know you did well, don't you? Wine Flowers

Original poster
Fanjango · 17/11/2016 00:42

Thanks Giddy. I've got some support from a specialist course I went on...but can't believe it's come to this. He was just so neurotypical till he was 9, just a few motor skills issues, the emotional stuff just keeps building up...seniors sealed the deal. Love him so much...but he's now seriously weird, his room looks like santas grotto and if he gets stressed he will punch family members and never say sorry. How did it be so messed up?

OP posts:
thefairyfellersmasterstroke · 17/11/2016 19:33

It's what Wednesday's are for.

Creampastry · 17/11/2016 19:58

I insist you join me in drinking wine ... bottoms up!!

whyohwhyme · 17/11/2016 20:05

Absolutely not unreasonable at all - I'm half way through a bottle after a meeting at school with the SENCO for my ASD 7 year old. I SO deserve every drop as I'm sure you do Wine

Thefitfatty · 17/11/2016 20:07
Wine
Sammysquiz · 17/11/2016 20:14

Christ, I have a drink most nights & not going through anything like you are. Get pouring!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/11/2016 20:20

I'm sorry that you're having a tough time OP but actually, no, I think being unhappy is the WORST possible reason to drink any alcohol. It's ceasing to become a social thing and is just a 'prop' and a dangerous one at that because any little thing that happens in a day can make you think of an excuse for "Oh, I'll just have a drink"...

Sorry, but you did ask. I know I'm very much in the minority here. Hope things are better for you soon.

DollopofTrollop · 17/11/2016 20:38

Fanjango I really feel for you. My DS is the 9 year old now. School just said he DS is just DS. Now they are shitting themselves as his anger and frustration is building. We have another DS with severe ASD so already in the system and paeds taking us seriously ..... Good luck and I hope they find a way to assess.
Wine mid week is fine.... Sometimes you do need a little "prop" every now and again.... No alcohol is not being a social thing... It does though just focus your mind elsewhere !!!

clare2307 · 17/11/2016 20:39

Go for it... If I had any in my fridge & could guarantee my baby would sleep all night (which is unlikely since she has only done it a handful of times in 14 months!) I'd be having one Smile

PunkrockerGirl · 17/11/2016 20:44

Blimey yanbu. Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time.
Lying that was a spectacularly unhelpful post.
OP, if it helps, I'm having a midweek drink, it's youngest son's 21st birthday today and the first birthday we haven't been together.
Don't want to detract from you, op. Enjoy your drink and I hope things get better for you soon WineFlowers

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/11/2016 20:51

PunkrockerGirl, report it then ffs.