I need help for hitting at nursery

[LowMaintenance101]

Posting here for quick traffic. Just picked my daughter up from nursery (she's almost 4) and been told that she smacked a little boy and was given time out.
I'm completely happy that nursery have handled it appropriately, just need help as to how I should address it when we get home.
This has never happened before so I felt a bit shell shocked.
Nursery nurse said she owned up, didn't try to lie or deny. And she got very upset when they pulled her up on it.
Just about to drive home. Any replies within the next 20 minutes or so greatly appreciated.

When ds went through a phase like that, I got a toddler type book called "Hands are not for Hitting", I read it to him, and he never did it again. Don't worry it happens.

ASk her her side of the story and why she did it. At 4 she should be able to give a reasonable account. Ask her does she know it's naughty to hit and how she would feel if she was hit. Get her to emphathise with the other kids feelings. If it's not a pattern, I wouldn't be overally worried.

Kids rarely hit without a reason - being wound up or not sharing etc

Ask her why - she'll know it's wrong anyway

If its the first time let the playschool deal with it. For that age immediate reactions have the vest impact
If she is giving your news and mentions it just ask 'and what did your teacher do/say' and confirm you back them up.
Hths

Tell her that it's not her position to admonish another child. If she sees a child doing something that should be punished, she should let a teacher / supervisor know and let them deal with it.

Ask how would she like it if the boy thought she was misbehaving, and smacked her? Would she think that's right, or does she think it shouldn't be up to the strongest child in her group to deal out the punishment? What would happen if she had been smacked, but the boy who smacked her had made a mistake, and she was innocent?

Also - make sure she knows that you agree with the time out and the teacher was right to punish her -

Tell her what will happen at home if it happens again - - no treat or early bedtime etc

Make sure and use the words admonish and punish with your 4yo when following the advice above.

H2h

Kids rarely hit without a reason

Indeed. Kids NEVER hit without a reason. Infact adults never hit without a reason. It may be a really bad reason, but there is always a reason.

I think it is done and dusted with.

She has had her punishment. She has shown she is sorry. And she didn't lie.

A very quick 'we don't hit and I don't want you to do it again, if you have a problem tell a grown-up' will do it. If you are concerned why she hit, you could also have that conversation (incase something happened against her).

But make it quick and then enjoy the rest of your evening with her. It's dealt with and you don't need to worry

Haha Fame.. I was thinking the same

Yes I'd find out why and discuss alternatives if she's feeling angry. Speak to a grown up, walk away etc

It's only happened once and she has been punished. I would explain it in very simple terms: "We don't hit." Then ask her why she hit the other child. Then forget it. Unless it happens repeatedly this is just one of those things.

Thanks cosy, made me chuckle!

Thanks for the really quick replies.
I have had a little chat with her and it sounds like it was a genuine accident.
The other child was playing close to her and she was flinging herself about.
He cried and when the teacher came to ask what had happened she said, "I just smacked him" but hadn't made clear to the member of staff that it was an accident. She was just explaining why he was crying. She seems sincere and doesn't have a history of lying.

I am going to mention it to the member of staff who was actually involved when we next go in. (She wasn't there at pick up today so it was just someone passing on a report).

Oh, and quite new to MN so not sure what H2h means?!

H2h means happy to help I think

I think it's really important to be clear with them that you are concerned about what happened, you will support and help them as well as backing up the nursery or school but you are NOT ANGRY with them. If they think they make you angry, they will just lie.

Yes I meant happy to help - I was being a bit naughty and sarcastic. It was an impulse, just like the hitting. Don't sweat it - shit happens and hits happens...

It's been dealt with in nursery. I'd say no more - otherwise you just show them they have done something so powerful that makes their teachers react AND mummy (wow! She wasn't even there, that's mega powerful!)

for you

After reading the update I'd be a bit concerned that the staff member just heard what your child said and called home without trying to unpick what happened and speak to your child about how to better handle things. If they had done that it would have been apparent it was an accident.

Bumsex - I did think that too. I want to speak to the nursery staff member who actually dealt with it so I can fully understand what happened. My DD says that she explained to the little boy that it was an accident.
I think the error has been made when another member of staff has told me another the incident at pick up. She kept saying how it was out of character and that DD was sorry and honest.
I don't want to raise anything at nursery without speaking to the actual staff member involved though.
I am very glad I didn't over react! The drive home and you guys helped me stay calm.
Cheers for the vino Fame. It did wind me a bit.

Oh, missed a bit out. DD says that the time out was for messing about at story time. 4 of them trying to do roly polys instead of sitting and listening- this sounds much more like her!