Your destiny is in your own hands...

[IpDipCatnip]

and you make your own way in life....

This is a comment someone has made to me, coming from a wealthy person who has been able to put three children through private education. It was in direct reference to earnings. She doesn't work. Her husband has done very well through a commercial business he owns and runs. She said he works very hard for his money (I do not doubt this) and this is where 'that' comment came.

I work very, very hard in very responsible and dangerous environment. My husband works all hours god sends and grafts like a b***d. We make our way in life on a comfortable existence however we do not roll in it.

What I'm getting at is who has the right to say someone works harder than the next because they earn more?

"who has the right to say someone works harder than the next because they earn more?"

But they didn't actually say that. They said "you make your own way in life".

And that their dh works hard.

Maybe I didn't explain properly in post. It was during a conversation about senior schools- she sends hers to private school- I can't and said so.... and that's where the comment came!

I do think that people make their own luck.

But she didn't earn the school fees, did she?

I don't know if destiny is in your own hands completely. I think it does depend on what start in life you have to a certain degree

I don't understand the comment really as Most people work "hard" for the wages they receive, regardless of if you work 50 hours in a warehouse or 40 hours running a successful business.

Yes it seems very patronising of her. she somehow seems to be looking down on you with a hint of judgment. She is not in your shoes so I wouldn't let it get you down.

But she doesn't work or earn! So she's a kept woman who sounds like a twat! My DH is a Police Officer and risks his life every day. The wage is shit. But I love that he does this and helps people. My ExH earns about 5 times as much working for a fucking Bank. Makes no sense to me.

Glitter thats the point I'm trying/ tried to make. Someone who may earn £14,000 f/t (roughly minimum wage) doesn't necessarily work less hard than someone earning £100k. Not everybody is capable of an academic role etc but wage doesn't reflect hard work!

Husky exactly!

Do you think she might just have a chip on her shoulder about having married a successful man, rather than earning it herself?

I'm not saying that you think that, just that she's not comfortable about it. It is a crass thing for her to say, but I think it tells us more about her state of mind.

The lions share of the money coming in this house is from DH's company and whilst I wasn't working I couldn't help but feel like a freeloader, made me very tetchy.

Well we do all make our own way in life but we don't all start from the same position and we don't all have the same course to navigate.

Fwiw your friend's destiny doesn't sound like it's in her hands.

justwant possibly.... however she is a mum by profession. So am I however I work compressed full time, therefore a full time patent and a full time worker! My work hours are outside school hours..... I work hard for my money like the majority

Parent!

Sorry, inside school hours! So I work compressed full time whilst my kids are at school/ weekends when my H is about- I have them the rest of the time.

I trump- two full time jobs then!

While you can certainly steer your own course in life, not everyone faces the same obstacles, nor do they have the same tools to navigate through them. this cartoon illustrates it quite nicely..

My uncle and aunt put two kids through private school by working all of the hours god sends in a factory, shop, and other third/fourth jobs, and scrimping everywhere else. They were never rolling in it, but now have a nice house, car, savings, and 2 kids who have really made it (whilst understanding the value of hard work and of saving even when things are tight). So some of that is true I guess. You make the best out of what you have.

That cartoon and quote at the bottom are perfect needmore.

Something as simple as your dad being made redundant whilst you are in primary school can affect the entire outcome of your life. No-one gets where they are by themselves. It's a mix of work and circumstance and just pure good or bad luck.

Social mobility has decreased in recent years, so for most of us now our destiny is pretty fixed before the age of 5 - in terms of educational attainment, likely salary,which glass ceiling we hit and at which point.

Your woman with the capacity to do private education for her children was making them a destiny - they won't be more intelligent or hardworking than other children necessarily, but statistically they're likely to do better.

There is a well known cognitive bias that means we are all likely to attribute our own success to hard work rather than privilege, othet structural factors or luck.

Happy days, eh?

I must be the exception. I attribute all my failings to my own shitness and am eternally gratefully for the start I had in life that has probably saved me from myself More times than I know.

There are too many people who live a totally blinkered life. It sounds like she's one of them, things have worked out well for her and she has little sympathy or understanding for anyone else. We do make our own luck to a certain extent by making the most of opportunities that come our way but fortunately not everyone is motivated by money to the exclusion of everything else.

And not all of us believe wealth represents success.

Wealth is not the be all and end all of life but it is what people seem to use to compare themselves, I guess because it's easy to gauge how much someone has by looking at their house / car etc so it's an easy measure to use.

I do largely agree that your destiny is in your own hands though. In reality there are very few people who come,from a truly hopeless situation. Maybe if you come from the worst sink estate in the most rotten city with drug addict parents you might be able to claim that your start was so bad that you were set up to fail from day one but if were all honest with ourselves there are very few who truly can lay claim to this excuse.