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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Children breaking toys

18 replies

LuluNTutu · 03/11/2016 19:12

Bought DS (aged 3) a new toy tractor yesterday. Today we met a friend and her DCs for lunch.

During lunch friend's DD (aged5) had a tantrum, grabbed tractor from the table and threw it on the floor in temper. The tractor's ruined, no amount of glue is going to fix it. DS was distraught.

Friend apologised and made her DD apologise, but didn't offer to buy a replacement. She is not short of money.

AIBU to think she should have offered particularly as DS had been showing her and told her it was new? I wouldn't have taken the money but I'm really taken aback that she didn't offer.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 03/11/2016 19:13

Yanbu

attheendoftheday · 03/11/2016 19:15

Absolutely, how rude!

featherpillow · 03/11/2016 19:15

Yanbu.

bumsexatthebingo · 03/11/2016 19:34

YANBU. And if it was my 5 yo I would have made sure they knew it was either their pocket money that was being used or money that would otherwise have been used for something for them.

Swirlingasong · 03/11/2016 19:42

Any chance she knows you wouldn' t take the money and is going to turn up with a new tar tor for your Ds? I am surprised she didn't offer but also very surprised at a five year old having a tantrum like that!

user1472419718 · 03/11/2016 19:52

YANBU, she is not short of money she certainly should have offered to pay (although as you said, you wouldn't have accepted the money)

Original poster
LuluNTutu · 03/11/2016 20:01

Thanks for the responses, it helps to know it's not just me! Although I'm feeling really Sad about it.

I dont think there's any chance she'd turn up with a new one as we now live a drive away from each other - really only meet up in their school holidays. I think it will be a while before I want to meet up again.

OP posts:
TataEs · 03/11/2016 20:09

she might amazon one to u.
i'd probably do that. tho i'd probably offer to pay there and then. but i have some friends who i know wouldn't accept. so i'd just get one delivered...

TownMouseAndCheese · 03/11/2016 20:56

Yanbu, your poor ds Sad

Londonmamabychance · 03/11/2016 21:03

Oh my Gosh I'm so glad I saw this thread and realise people feel this way! I'd never had thought of offering to replace it, I'd se it as just the kind of things that happen with kids around. Only if it was some v expensive item my child broke like electronics, furniture or glasses etc would I have thought of it. Incidentally, my DD hasn't yet broken anything belonging to someone else, but now I know I'll need to offer to replace it! Several of my friends kids have broken toys belonging to my DD (probably becaus the kids in question were older than DD) and Althogh of course I thought it was a bit annoying I never expected a replacement or got one. I guess I don't see a need for that between friends, they'd help me out in other ways or may have given DD presents at other times. Don't see it so tit for tat reciprocally, but glad to now know what the etiquette is. But please bear in mind your friend may just think like me, and not see it as a big deal. Especially if you're both not struggling for money.

msrisotto · 03/11/2016 21:11

Well whether you think that's what happens with kids, or you don't need to because you're friends (I disagree on both counts), your kids have to learn what is right and wrong and that actions have consequences and it isn't ok to break other peoples stuff.

baconandeggies · 03/11/2016 21:19

YANBU. Her DD is old enough to know better and the mother should have offered to replace or reimburse.

You SHOULD stand up for him though I think. And if I was your friend I'd want to know that you felt this way and be given a chance to put it right.
Could you email with:

"Lovely to see you today! Unfortunately Ds is still distraught about his brand new tractor. Can we work something out do you think?"

DoJo · 03/11/2016 21:33

I can see how you might not feel it necessary to replace a toy broken by accident or in the course of normal use, but a child breaking a brand new toy as a result of a temper tantrum is quite different and I would be mortified if my child did something like that!

BigPointyStick · 03/11/2016 21:35

I would have been mortified and would have insisted on giving you the money for a new one.

PetalMettle · 03/11/2016 21:41

Yanbu given it was a new toy and an older child.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/11/2016 21:45

A child's toy shouldent break like that, especially a new one. I woukd take it back to the shop.

Flingmoo · 03/11/2016 21:55

Hmm yes you'd expect a tractor suitable for a 3 year old would not break that easily?

My son dropped a musical Happyland toy in his friend's paddling pool once and the sound went all funny. I didn't offer to replace it as the parents both insisted it was no big deal, it was a hand-me-down, the sound was annoying anyway etc. After it happened I set it in the sun in their garden hoping it would dry out. I went home and sent them a message in the evening and they said it had dried out and was now working again. I think I would have offered to replace it with a new toy if it hadn't recovered that evening though, even though it was second hand. It's just not fair on the kid who owns the toy otherwise, is it?

Believeitornot · 03/11/2016 21:55

Whether or not she could afford it is irrelevant. Otherwise that implies that it's OK to trash as long as you're rich enough to replace (bullingdon club anyone?)

The issue is the lack of apology and asking the five year old to apologise and pointing out to the five year old that their actions were unacceptable. Then a quick offer to replace. That's what the mother should have done.

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