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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To request birth debrief 4 years on?

17 replies

Mummatron3000 · 02/11/2016 10:01

Inspired by another thread on here....
I had DS1 just over 4 years ago. There were a few things that didn't go well (waters broke but then didn't progress so had to be induced, very intense contractions, then had a retained placenta which resulted in haemorrhage & had to go to theatre for manual removal)
I ended up with PND which I think the circumstances of his birth contributed to.
I thought I was getting past it, but all the feelings/flashbacks returned around his 4th birthday.
So, my question is, WIBU to request a debrief now, 4 years on? What would I get out of it? (None of this was mentioned/offered at the time even tho I told community MW / HV I was having difficulty dealing with it & kept reliving it)

OP posts:
Gungdjur · 02/11/2016 10:08

Not at all - sounds almost identical to my first birth and when I discussed it with a gynaecologist when planning a vbac for my third (had a planned section for second because of trauma from first birth) she was able to explain a lot. I had a debrief much earlier but was still too upset to take much in. If anything the extra time helped for the second debrief helped me discuss it more calmly and actually understand why some of it happened.

newmumintown · 02/11/2016 10:08

I think it might help. I had a difficult birth myself 2 years ago (not as traumatic but still upsetting) and often think about getting a debrief. There is so much going on at the time, physically, emotionally etc, that it's hard to get a firm grip on what actually happened, what went wrong and if there is anything that could have been done differently. If you feel it would help you and it might help, then go for it - it may just put your mind at rest in some way and help you to recover. I hope you feel a little better soon x

Original poster
Mummatron3000 · 02/11/2016 12:31

Thanks for replying. I was worrying that revisiting it might bring up too many memories, but suppressing them clearly hasn't helped so I think I need to address this now to try to get past it. Not really sure where to start. But seeing GP fairly regularly while getting used to ADs so might ask them first.

OP posts:
Cakescakescakes · 02/11/2016 12:36

I had one 3.5 yrs after delivery when I was pregnant with number 2 as I found that brought up a lot of suppressed emotion and trauma about what happened. I found it very useful and combined with a straightforward second delivery gave me a lot of closure.

MaximumVolume · 02/11/2016 12:44

Go for it. I had mine 2.5 years later Wren it became apparent that any talk of my first birthday caused me to burst into tears. This was problematic at 36 weeks pregnant! It was helpful .

frazzlebedazzle · 02/11/2016 12:56

I had a difficult first birth too, and not much was ever explained. The midwives later mentioned an organisation called Birth Stories. I think they need your notes and then they get in touch & go through it with you. HTH.

Original poster
Mummatron3000 · 02/11/2016 14:06

Thanks frazzle, will look them up

OP posts:
CurlyBlueberry · 02/11/2016 14:35

I had mine 3.5 years on. I went to PALS who gave me the email address for the midwife who does them. I emailed her, she set up a day to meet and we spent a couple of hours going through the notes. I hope it helps you xx

CurlyBlueberry · 02/11/2016 14:37

I actually think the extra time in between (and another birth!) helped me, and the debrief was more effective as I'd had time to think, accept what I could, and then go to the debrief with what was left, psychologically.

228agreenend · 02/11/2016 14:51

Definitely go for it.

My son was born 16 years old. I remember when he was born he was passed to a doctor straight way due to being a blue baby or something. I still don't know (and wonder whether he almost died).

I know how you feel so I would definitely say go,for it.

FluffyPersian · 02/11/2016 14:56

I'd urge slight caution as having read about having a birth debrief, I suggested it to my sister after she had a really traumatic birth which left her with 3rd degree tear / double prolapse / fainted due to loss of blood and needed 2+ hours of stitching. She couldn't talk about the birth without crying and got very bad PND (I was there the entire time.... It was horrible)

I suggested it may help - However sadly couldn't support her on the day as was abroad. She got there, and the Dr made her feel really stupid 'So why exactly are you here? What do you want?' and then made some comments about 'That's the problem with women, they don't realise, it's labour and labour is HARD'

Then the midwife apparently chipped in with comments such as 'If giving birth had gold stars given out, you'd get a gold one as technically you were only in labour for a short amount of time'

My sister left in tears and 3.5 years on still can't talk about the birth and has repeatedly told anyone who asks if she's having another one that she 'can't - not physically, but mentally... Sad

I imagine 99% of birth debriefs are a positive thing, but you may want to consider having someone with you if you're still feeling vulnerable just in case you sadly encounter unsympathetic Drs / Nurses.

ateapotandacake · 02/11/2016 14:58

You should totally ask for one. Debriefing can be really helpful and I hope it is for you. X

Paddingtonthebear · 02/11/2016 15:00

I had a debrief over three years after giving birth. It was useful to understand what happened and why (traumatic assisted labour)

I wouldn't leave it much longer, they mentioned something to me about a time limit on how long your notes are kept.

Go for it!

Flingmoo · 02/11/2016 15:03

I gave birth 2.5 years ago and have been on the waiting list for a debrief this whole time. Still not heard from anyone about it. I'm 11 weeks pregnant again now and have asked midwife, she says she'll make sure I get one. I feel like I need to understand what happened with the first birth and why certain decisions were made, before I can make decisions about how to have my second baby - home birth or hospital, etc.

Nuttypops · 02/11/2016 15:05

I had one 2 years later, it laid my mind to rest about a number of things that had really been bothering me. Go for it I think. If there are any specific questions you have, think about those before hand as well. Good luck.

FiddleFigs · 02/11/2016 15:59

Go for it. Sounds similar to my experience. For unrelated reasons we ended up staying in hospital for 3 weeks (DD was admitted to NICU) and my midwife actually sought me out to debrief me to make sure I was ok about the whole thing. It definitely helped - though I still felt (and 3 years later still do feel) very sad when I think back on it - it's the main reason we're stopping at just one child.

onlyconnect · 02/11/2016 16:02

I had one when DD WAS 8 as part of the natural birth after CS thing (can't remember what they call it) and it was really good. Wished I'd had it years before. I nearly kissed the midwife when I left

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