To not have DD's best friend for a sleepover tonight?

[WhatamessIgotinto]

She's a lovely girl and she normally stays when she spends the day with us. I made it v clear when I messaged her mum with the invitation to bowling/cinema/dinner that I would be dropping her home on the way back.

Have hardly seen DH all week, DS also been away for two days and due back this evening so I really just want a night with just us. She really is a lovely girl but has quite significant medical needs - which I'm fine with and can deal with - so it's not a time to relax if you know what I mean. Her mum has just messaged me to say that she has forgotten her overnight bag and can I pick it up on my way past.

I feel a bit shit saying 'not tonight', but I'm tired, I want to have a couple of glasses of wine, relax and watch some shit telly. Am I being a horrible cow?

You're my hero! I would have spinelessly gone by to pick up the bag and been resentful all evening.

Yanbu, that's very presumptuous of her mum.

Just text back to say sorry you can't have her spend the night today as per the arrangements already made. Don't need to explain why.

Of course you aren't being a horrible cow. Say no with no guilt.

Of course you're not being horrible. Why did her mum say that when you were so clear she wasn't staying though? Did she just forget.

Have tonight "off", there will be plenty of other times to have her over.

Thanks but think there's misunderstanding. X can't stay over tonight and I will drop her home in a bit as I said before. Been lovely having her for the day. See you shortly whatamess

Just text back to say sorry you can't have her spend the night today as per the arrangements already made.

Exactly. Think how chilled you'll feel when you've waved her off. They can presumably have a sleepover any other weekend or holiday...

Not horrible at all! Just text back and say that you're sorry there seems to have been a misunderstanding - it's not possible for her stay tonight which you had said when you originally invited her and you'll be dropping her back at X time.

I think it sounds like the mum is being a bit cheeky

Not horrible at all.

It's not like you offered to have the child overnight and have changed your mind, you never offered the mother just assumed

If she usually stays over will it make her mum a bit if you suddenly decide that she can't now?

YANBU though, shouldn't have to have her stay if it's not convenient

Not unreasonable at all and unless she has form for being a piss taker I would assume she has been told by her dd that it's an over night thing. Kids are quite good at making extensive plans and not mentioning to parents!

Yes totally agree, just text Oh sorry, not a sleepover, we'll be with you in a minute......

I'd text back. "Hi, do you want me to drop xx at your's or at her sleepover?"

loafer she didn't suddenly decide - it was previously arranged.
just say 'as arranged in my previous text, can't do sleepover tonight, will drop off at xpm'
Let us know.

Bit of a coincidence that she's "forgotten" her bag on the one night she's not supposed to be staying. The mum's a cheeky cow.

Text her saying "You must have forgotten, I am not having X overnight tonight, Will drop her back at Y time as arranged."

There's a good chance that the girls cooked this up between them. It's quite common for a Mum to be told by their DC "oh it's now fine for me to sleep over." Just text back "oh sorry if the girls have been plotting, but as per my previous text I can't have her for a sleepover this time"

I don't believe for a minute that the Mum didn't realise. Methinks she enjoys her nights off and she's trying it on.

Hiw often does your DD stay at their house?

I'd ignore text , drop her back and pray that her parents are in
Do they ever have your dd for Sleepovers?

Oh gawd, now I feel really awful.

Texted back a cheery 'misunderstanding, not a sleepover blah blah’ and got this back:

'Oh, OK will cancel my night out'.

I feel shit now if I don't have her stay, especially as there's no real reason for her not to other than I just want to chill, which I won't be able to either way now! FFS

Don't feel bad at all! I would feel embarrassed if I was her, not the other way around!

She's a cheeky cow!

No, she's trying to guilt trip you! She knows perfectly well what you arranged hence why she's packed a 'forgotten' bag for her daughter expecting you to back down! You arranged for her to not stay so she doesn't stay, it doesn't matter what you're doing, if she wants childcare for her night out she should have organised it instead of springing it on you to guilt trip you last minute!

I will give benefit of doubt and suspect you made it clear no sleepover but the girls have either misunderstood or deliberately given mixed messaged and the girls DM has worded her text to read the real situation.

Just say: Hey, really sorry, but no sleepover tonight's I have other arrangements pending.

Ps apologies for the lack of speech marks MN, the iPad is not playing ball.

She's bluffing.

She's good, this woman.