To not have DD's best friend for a sleepover tonight?

[WhatamessIgotinto]

She's a lovely girl and she normally stays when she spends the day with us. I made it v clear when I messaged her mum with the invitation to bowling/cinema/dinner that I would be dropping her home on the way back.

Have hardly seen DH all week, DS also been away for two days and due back this evening so I really just want a night with just us. She really is a lovely girl but has quite significant medical needs - which I'm fine with and can deal with - so it's not a time to relax if you know what I mean. Her mum has just messaged me to say that she has forgotten her overnight bag and can I pick it up on my way past.

I feel a bit shit saying 'not tonight', but I'm tired, I want to have a couple of glasses of wine, relax and watch some shit telly. Am I being a horrible cow?

Placemark. I really do hope you aren't hosting a sleepover.

Wow. Very cheeky!

My daughter's best friend and she often have spur of the moment sleepovers, to the point where they have pjs and a toothbrush at each other's houses.

But there is no way it is ever presumed and there is no way either parent would pull something like this.

The mum is a chancer. Hope you are relaxing not hosting a sleepover

Sorry, I was half asleep on the sofa! Went to drop DDs friend off - mum answered the door all dolled up to the nines and rather huffily said that she'd cancelled her 'rare night out' (now, I KNOW that her nights out are certainly not rare as they're all over Facebook) and pretty much shut the door in my face!

What a PA cow! Well done you for standing your ground. Out of interest, do you have her dd round more or does she have your dd more?
She sounds like a charmer. Not!

what an awful woman loolks like she uses you for babysiting

i know its yo0ur dd's best friend but dont do it anymore if the mother ask anyway

cheeky bitch!!! Book a babysitter or organise an actual sleepover like the rest of us. That'd be the end of sleepovers for a while if it were me, I'd still take the dd on outings or to play for a few hours but like fun would that cheeky mare be using me as a free babysitter

Jeez the ungrateful sod. You had her daughter today, fed and entertained her and she treats you like this?!

I'd just keep sticking to having her DD over during the day and not for sleepovers. Re: Facebook and lots of night outs - makes you wonder who else she does this to.

Op-can you answer some questions? How often does she have your child over? To sleep? Has she ever done anything odd like this before?

I would be surprised if she's been a lovely considerate turn-taking mum host up until today...!

Fucking hell! After you'd had her dd all day and treated her to cinema, bowling, meal etc!

She's never had my DD round to sleep. Not once. I generally don't mind having her DD, she's no bother and a very sweet girl. I have her every two or three weeks to stay. I've always got on OK with her mum though I wouldn't say we were friends.

I don't really know what to do from here really, I do feel pissed off that she tried to make me feel bad.

Dear me, how rude! She sounds deeply unpleasant.

Mmm that's difficult really because you don't want to be taken advantage of but also don't want to disrupt their friendship. Did you tell her you had said it wasn't a sleepover?

Her mum is a selfish bitch. I know it's not fair on your daughter or her friend, but I would put a complete stop to the friend coming round for a while. To prove a point.

She is using you and taking advantage of your good nature. Please don't let yourself be treated like this.

The girls can be friends at school-text, FaceTime, chat at home, but don't let her walk all over you.

She has never had your dd either and you have hers every 2-3 weeks?? what you do next is stop having her for sleepovers! if she is a sweet girl you can still have her over so she doesn't miss out so her cheeky mare of a mother wouldn't be getting a night out on my watch again. If she asks I would simply say "no there will be no sleepovers for the foreseeable, x is welcome by day but not by night, I'm sure you understand why"

A rare night every couple of weeks? Ok then.

What I would do is obviously it's your dd's friend. So it's not fair on them to stop everything. But I would be stopping the regular sleep overs. In fact what I would do is random sleep overs.
So if you want still some of the day stuff. No sleep overs. When she comes over for a few hours, put the idea in the girls minds.
They still have time together. The occasional sleep over but without you taken for granted.

I would screenshot any messages from when you made the arrangements, send her those, and just be honest. Say that you regularly have her DD to stay, you had not said you were having her this time and you don't appreciate the guilt trip.

Don't 'do' anything. Just carry on being a lovely Mum to your Dd. If you want your daughter to have sleepovers for her and her friends sake, do so, at your convenience. Don't let the mum being a pita stop you from treating the girls. But don't feel obliged to have her if it doesn't suit. And always be clear to yourself and her what your terms are.
(my personal threshold for sleepovers is 'Close to never' but you need to go with what suits you and your family!)
You have a right to your chilled out family only time!

How cheeky!!!

1. you said it clearly I'm first text
2. she asked you if you could collect bag to see if you would cave in as an "all right then". If she truly had forgotten and was going out, she would just have taken it to you
3. she tried to guilt trip you. If it were an honest mistake, she would have checked the previous message and realised she got it wrong, then apologised
4. I bet she dolled herself up to further guilt trip you
5. She could have tried to arrange a babysitter, unless she has no contacts because she always relies on other mums!
6. She should be the one apologising! She doesn't even know why you couldn't have her over. You are in your right to want a quiet weekend with DH if you haven't seen him much this week, or even an early night if you are tired. Heck, it's your house, you decide when to have a sleepover!

I think you shouldn't do sleepovers for a while. She's taking the Mickey and is getting used to free babysitting once or twice a month. I would pay you double rate for that luxury!!! Last time I went out with DH was before the birth of my second child! Where do I get a friend like you? Nah, days out maybe, if the sleepover thing comes up, you can discuss taking it in turns... I bet she's not prepared to do that.

You sound like a lovely caring person

I would stop all future sleepovers, unless you actually want to and it's convenient for you.

Sorry typos
"in first text"