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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have DD's best friend for a sleepover tonight?

219 replies

WhatamessIgotinto · 28/10/2016 17:56

She's a lovely girl and she normally stays when she spends the day with us. I made it v clear when I messaged her mum with the invitation to bowling/cinema/dinner that I would be dropping her home on the way back.

Have hardly seen DH all week, DS also been away for two days and due back this evening so I really just want a night with just us. She really is a lovely girl but has quite significant medical needs - which I'm fine with and can deal with - so it's not a time to relax if you know what I mean. Her mum has just messaged me to say that she has forgotten her overnight bag and can I pick it up on my way past.

I feel a bit shit saying 'not tonight', but I'm tired, I want to have a couple of glasses of wine, relax and watch some shit telly. Am I being a horrible cow?

OP posts:
sophiestew · 28/10/2016 18:56

Yes that is fine, but she knows full well what the plan was - she didn't even send her DD with her bag as you would have nipped it in the bud at that point!

She is a chancer. DO NOT CAVE!!!!

FrancisCrawford · 28/10/2016 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MuttsNutts · 28/10/2016 18:56

That sounds far too nice IMO.

bloodyteenagers · 28/10/2016 18:57

Dont cave. You made it clear that it wasn't a sleep over. That you would be dropping her off afterwards.
You cave once and she will do it loads.
Why does her night out trump your own plans? It doesn't.

ImperialBlether · 28/10/2016 18:57

No, don't apologise. You hadn't invited her daughter, so no need to feel guilty now.

MeganChips · 28/10/2016 18:57

Stick to your guns.

DD has a friend with a mum like this. I don't mind her for sleepovers occasionally but sheniften takes the piss. Her mum even tries to dictate what time she wants her delivering in the morning. Ie after 11 because she wants a lie in. I nipped that one in the bud straight away. No, you collect her by x time.

She has recently been texting wanting various friends to cover all the school holidays because she has a job and she's not comfortable leaving her alone.

Pay for it or take the time off like the rest of us do.

ImperialBlether · 28/10/2016 18:58

How often does her mum have your daughter over to stay the night?

MeganChips · 28/10/2016 18:58

*she often

SpookyMooky · 28/10/2016 18:58

Perfect! Send it now and don't back down!!

FrancisCrawford · 28/10/2016 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rollonthesummer · 28/10/2016 19:00

She is a chancer-that is the incredibly rude!!

How often does she have your child over to sleep?

Please don't send that text- I think she needs to be reminded that she's wrong, not you.

Maverickismywingman · 28/10/2016 19:00

Bit presumptuous of mother.

You're not obligated to have anyone's child for a sleepover. Especially if you'd said before "will drop DD off on our way home"

clarinsgirl · 28/10/2016 19:00

Poor you. The mum is really manipulative. There's no reason for her to reply in that way other than to try to manipulate you into babysitting for free. Don't feel guilty, you are not her free babysitting service. Cheeky cow.

DeathpunchDoris · 28/10/2016 19:01

*Do not join in.

Text back and say "I'll drop her home at 7.30"*

This. She is taking advantage of you.

TheSpottedZebra · 28/10/2016 19:02

No apologies or more offers in the text.

Just a breezy - Oh. I'll have her back with you by X o'clock.

Or, to express the teeniest bit of humpiness, start with an I see.

LucyFuckingPevensie · 28/10/2016 19:03

Don't feel guilty, you've just taken her dd out for a treat.

You can't do a sleepover every time and it's not your fault she misunderstood. Hope you have a lovely evening Wine

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 28/10/2016 19:03

Ditto what Imperial asked - how often does she have your DD round/overnight I bet hardly ever

Letseatgrandma · 28/10/2016 19:04

Surely the last text on your phone history with her is you inviting her child round and telling her you'll drop her back? Is it clear you meant you'd drop her back this evening or could it have been misconstrued as tomorrow?

Does your daughter regularly sleep over at hers?

SpookyMooky · 28/10/2016 19:05

Don't overthink it, just text back,asap and get it done. Don't let it eat into your evening.

rollonthesummer · 28/10/2016 19:06

Ask the girls if they have told the other mum it's a sleepover? See if they look shifty.

CalmItKermitt · 28/10/2016 19:07

Cheeky mare! Well played.

taxiforme · 28/10/2016 19:09

Classic guilt trip. Dh exw used to do this all the time when she realised that she had forgotten an agreement that she would have dsc on a weekend or arrangements had changed (we always did them in writing) Over the past 10 years we have more than a few "ok I'll cancel my arrangements then" texts.

taxiforme · 28/10/2016 19:10

Sort meant to add.. leave it, don't let it spoil your night.

PaulDacresConscience · 28/10/2016 19:14

Text back:

Whoops - definitely crossed wires then! I did say when I invited her that she wouldn't be able to stay over. See you in a bit.

Bright, breezy, unapologetic and makes it clear that she's fucked up, not you.

rollonthesummer · 28/10/2016 19:16

Whoops - definitely crossed wires then! I did say when I invited her that she wouldn't be able to stay over. See you in a bit.

Perfect.

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