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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have DD's best friend for a sleepover tonight?

219 replies

WhatamessIgotinto · 28/10/2016 17:56

She's a lovely girl and she normally stays when she spends the day with us. I made it v clear when I messaged her mum with the invitation to bowling/cinema/dinner that I would be dropping her home on the way back.

Have hardly seen DH all week, DS also been away for two days and due back this evening so I really just want a night with just us. She really is a lovely girl but has quite significant medical needs - which I'm fine with and can deal with - so it's not a time to relax if you know what I mean. Her mum has just messaged me to say that she has forgotten her overnight bag and can I pick it up on my way past.

I feel a bit shit saying 'not tonight', but I'm tired, I want to have a couple of glasses of wine, relax and watch some shit telly. Am I being a horrible cow?

OP posts:
Willow2016 · 28/10/2016 19:17

Dont feel guilty, thats what she is hoping for.
She knew the arrangements for today but is chancing her arm that you would be too nice to remind her and let her have the night off.

Next time make it clear in a txt that she isnt staying so you have evidence. Wink

Have a great night with your family. You dont need to apologise for family time.

rollonthesummer · 28/10/2016 19:18

Even if she genuinely misunderstood, these things are really cheeky

  1. telling you to come and get the bag rather than her coming out to drop it off to you.
  2. The text reply telling you she'd now have to cancel her night out.

Is this the first time she's done something like this?

Cagliostro · 28/10/2016 19:23

Hmmm sounds cheeky! Could well be as a PP said that the girls misinformed the mum... anyway glad you are sticking to your guns

RubbishMantra · 28/10/2016 19:29

"I made it v clear when I messaged her mum with the invitation to bowling/cinema/dinner that I would be dropping her home on the way back."

You made it perfectly clear with this ^^ that you didn't plan on her DD staying the night. Her response informing you that she would have to cancel her night out was unnecessary information, designed to make you feel guilty.

Enjoy your night in with your family.

YelloDraw · 28/10/2016 19:32

rollonthesummer +1

picklesanne · 28/10/2016 19:32

Hope you enjoy your evening with your family and have taken your daughters friend home, think the mother was trying it on with you.

RebootYourEngine · 28/10/2016 19:33

Cheeky mare the mum is.

My reply would be 'i will drop her home soon'

Coconutty · 28/10/2016 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HardcoreLadyType · 28/10/2016 19:40

Your text is fine. Saying "sorry" to soften a refusal is a normal cultural British thing to do and is fine.

No, you're not sorry. You possibly have no intention of ever inviting the child for a sleepover. Your text is not a legally binding contract; you are just politely refusing in a typical British manner.

dontpokethebear · 28/10/2016 19:40

Cheeky madam.
As pp have said, she's guilt tripping you. The 'I'll cancel my night out' was not necessary.
I'm fuming on your behalf! Angry

Original poster
WhatamessIgotinto · 28/10/2016 19:44

I haven't bothered texting back, it'll all get messy if I do. Taking her home at 8 and hope her mum doesn't say anything when she opens the door. Will report back!

OP posts:
mochaccinoCake · 28/10/2016 19:46

I made it v clear when I messaged her mum with the invitation to bowling/cinema/dinner that I would be dropping her home on the way back.

absolutely no reason to feel bad!

your message seems totally fine to me.

PaulDacresConscience · 28/10/2016 19:49

So if she says anything make sure you smile and stay very matter of fact and remind her that you made it clear it wasn't going to be a sleepover.

If she asks you what you'll be doing tonight, be vague and say that you have long-standing family plans. Then say your goodbyes and head for the car!

Enjoy your evening.

Rachel0Greep · 28/10/2016 19:49

Chancing her arm, IMO, and hoping that you would feel bad at the 'I will cancel my night out'.

d270r0 · 28/10/2016 19:50

Check your messages- what exactly did you put when you originally invited her over? Was there room for misunderstanding?

Justputyourshoesonnow · 28/10/2016 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RebootYourEngine · 28/10/2016 19:52

I have a funny feeling that the mum might not be in when you drop her dd off.

icelollycraving · 28/10/2016 19:53

I hope she is in...

RandomMess · 28/10/2016 19:55

You made it clear in the beginning - do not feel guilty!

CauliflowerSqueeze · 28/10/2016 19:57

Hope the drop off is going well.

We're proud of you OP.

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet · 28/10/2016 19:58

Don't allow this to spoil your chillout evening. She had no business arranging a night out when she knew no sleepover had been arranged. Make sure you have chapter and verse ready of when you told her that.

PlumsGalore · 28/10/2016 19:58

Ha ha, that's what I thought.

SalemSaberhagen · 28/10/2016 20:00

Well done OP! I would have caved Blush

LurkingQuietly · 28/10/2016 20:05

The absolute cheek of some people never fails to amaze me! Good on you for sticking to your guns, OP.

Cherrysoup · 28/10/2016 20:06

Did you text the original details so you have it on your phone? I'd be waving that at her as proof. I think she's taking the piss.