Should he have discussed this first

[pennygoodlife]

DH was invited to attend a FOC survival weekend aimed at people who - after 18mths of training weekends- would fly out to disaster zones - think italian earth quake etc - for 5 days help with the rescue Misson. On the weekend he had a good time learnt lots and on his return we had a good chat about how this vital support network operates/is funded etc Anyway he came in last night (thurs) and said he'd talked to his boss and he in turn had talked to HR and the company would be very happy to support him should he get called up (as it were) and not expect him to take holiday. Now whilst I think this is great for him to do I'm just hacked off that he didn't discuss this with me, so we could discuss the impact, risks etc. Before talking to work. Jeez I'm not going to block him if it's what he wants to do but surely as his wife he could have continued the conversation with me and told me if his intentions he's been back since Sunday! AIBU?

Maybe he thought because you hadn't mentioned any concerns and he has been on the weekend thing that you have no issue with it? I would expect any concerns to be raised way before the weekend away.

Did you raise concerns when he went on the course initially?

I agree that I would have thought this conversation would have been best had before the training weekend. I guess also he's just finding out what his options are work wise if he got called up. If his work basically said no then there wouldn't be anything to discuss really would there?

I dunno just because you scope out your options doesn't necessarily mean you are making unilateral decisions that affect everyone.

Yes...he probably assumed if you had reservations they would have raised before now?

He hasn't actually committed to attending any particular disaster yet, that's the real trigger for agreement being required, and would absolutely need to be discussed, just lining up the ducks with work doesn't need discussion as nothing is actually committed to.

As Meadows76 says, if you have reservations, you could've brought them up before, if he commited to attending a disaster without discussion that would be different. It doesn't sound like he has.

Why did you think he was going on the course? Surely this would have been discussed at the point he indicated he was being trained to help in such situations

When he was invited on the course we didn't didn't know the extent of the whole program or indeed that it was an option to do more courses. It came about after he's donated to a disaster zone, apparently it's the training was all UN funded. I did question why they would randomly train people on ad hoc courses,now it seems it must be Like a carrot to get more people to volunteer.