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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take ds2 to the fireworks?

27 replies

FlapsTie · 19/10/2016 12:44

He's in reception. It's his first school fireworks. He has expressed zero interest in it.

DH is working that night and keeps asking me if I've got tickets yet. I'm not going.

My reasons are that I hate crowds, I hate fireworks, it will be cold and I'll be miserable.

He says I should suck it up, that ds will love it, that I should take him for his benefit.

I said if our older two would come I'd think about it. But neither of them want to.

Fireworks nights as a family are fun, we get hotdogs and sparklers and I'll have a glass of warm wine. Going on my own with a five year old is anxiety inducing AND deathly dull.

I'm not going. DH says I'm a grinch.

AIBU?

OP posts:
user1476140278 · 19/10/2016 12:48

YABU. Why do you need the older two to go? It's for DH...so I do understand the social anxiety thing but you need to buck up to get DS involved.

It's important that they attend these events...they build memories for them to share with their peers.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 19/10/2016 12:49

DH also says that EVERYBODY goes to the fireworks every year and ds will be left out. I think that's bollocks.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlapsTie · 19/10/2016 12:50

Ha x post. Are you my DH?

Nope. I'm not doing it. Fireworks are shit, DS will be tired and whinge and probably want carrying home. But I'm not a grinch.

OP posts:
Inertia · 19/10/2016 12:51

Nobody wants to go, so don't bother.

If your DH is that concerned, perhaps he should arrange a shift swap / annual leave an d go along himself .

Inertia · 19/10/2016 12:52

Btw DS's peers won't give a shiner shite whether he goes or not.

Inertia · 19/10/2016 12:52

*shiny

Dontpanicpyke · 19/10/2016 12:53

Why the fuck should you all go to an event none of you want to because your dh thinks you should?

Tell him to fuck off.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 19/10/2016 12:54

DH can't cancel work. If he wasn't working we'd all go and it would be fine. If I'm the only adult there I'll probably have to talk to people. And it will be boring, lots of standing around and waiting for the shit fireworks to start.

You're right, none of his peers will care. I expect half of them won't even go.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlapsTie · 19/10/2016 12:56

That's what I said! Well, not the fuck off part because I was being nice. But I said I wasn't going to put myself out to fulfil his idyllic fantasy of ds being all cute and awed. Because I know the reality will be more cold and bored. Ohh that rhymed.

OP posts:
pipsqueak25 · 19/10/2016 12:57

why is op bu ? if she doesn't want to go fair dos if dh wants to go or dc want to go he can take them instead op doesn't need to go.
[user] 'buck up' ? you say you understand social anxiety ? do you really ? please don't say you do because it is very difficult to 'buck up'. i have bipolar and social anxiety, it is nigh on impossible to be among my own family when i an in a state of anxiety. op is probably the same,

nennyrainbow · 19/10/2016 12:58

How old are your older two and what are they doing? If they're not old enough to stay at home alone, then you've got a ready made excuse. Not that you should have to anyway. If your Ds2 isn't interested, then why is your DH pushing it?
As for missing out on social opportunities, it'll be dark and people will be dressed up in hats etc, to the point that you will barely be able to recognise people. No one will notice if he's not there.

FadedRed · 19/10/2016 13:03

Right, so let me get this straight. The only person who wants to is your DH, but he cannot go because he is at work?
The four people, who don't want to go, would rather have a nice time with hotdogs, sparklers and wine at home?
No contest.
Next year DH books the evening off and goes to whatever display he wants to, -alone- with whomsoever wants to go with him.

Lazyafternoon · 19/10/2016 13:07

YANBU!

Don't go! We're not. Went last year and was a disaster. This year we're going to visit friends. I'll take a few sparkers and maybe try and get some sort of flashing/spinning/ light up thing. So we'll all go out in the garden for half hour so spotting fireworks in the distance. Then go back in a warm up.

Spending hours freezing cold and in horrible colds isn't much fun.

mycatstares · 19/10/2016 13:10

If your ds doesn't want to go then don't.

I'm very Envy that your ds primary school does a firework display thoughSad.

user1476140278 · 19/10/2016 13:14

Pip Yes I DO understand social anxiety, I suffer from it quite badly. I don't decide not to take my children to events because I can't be arsed and I'm worried I'll suffer.

I buck up.

And I make myself.

Social Anxiety is shit. It's awful. But I don't let it get in the way of my children's lives.

I think the attitude of "it will be shit and he's not shown any interest" is a bit weak really.

Supporting your child's school in events like this is important...if everyone couldn;t be arsed, it would be awful.

SolomanDaisy · 19/10/2016 13:18

I do think with stuff like this part of being a parent is doing things you won't really enjoy because your child will. So if your DS wants to go (or has never been to fireworks before so doesn't know whether he wants to), I'd make the effort. I can't imagine my parents loved all the fireworks they took us to as kids, but we did and I'm grateful they made the effort.

5Foot5 · 19/10/2016 13:20

The DS may not have shown any interest because he doesn't yet know what he is missing. He might enjoy it when he is there. If he misses it and then all his friends are talking about it the next day he could feel left out.

Blobby10 · 19/10/2016 13:20

I'm on your side OP! I used to have all sorts of cosy fluffy ideas about snuggling up to hubby and kids watching the bonfire and fireworks and it never materialised. It was always raining or foggy or generally miserable and the fireworks were much better off viewed from inside a warm and comfy house Grin

If your DS doesn't want to go then, at his age, dont push it! None of mine enjoyed displays at that age as they didnt like the bangs

FaFoutis · 19/10/2016 13:24

YANBU
Firework displays are shit. I have 3 dc, never taken them to one and they haven't missed out.

NoooorthonerMum · 19/10/2016 13:46

I'm glad I'm not the only one who would hate to go to an event like that on my own (as in not with other adults). If your DS actually expressed an interest then you should go, as neither of the people that would actually be attending want to go don't bother! When he's older and actually wants to go, then you can take him.

Artandco · 19/10/2016 13:51

I would go. It's hardly on your own, there will be all the other parents and kids there surely?

My 5 year old loves fireworks though and would be disappointed not to go

Original poster
FlapsTie · 19/10/2016 13:53

I'm not going.

But it's interesting how split people are on this one.

I maintain I'm not a grinch though and fireworks are overrated.

OP posts:
quasibex · 19/10/2016 14:28

op my children hate fireworks and are petrified of them. Subsequently I've never tried to force the 'memory making' crap on them, we do that as a family in plenty of other ways, a special occasion is not required.

We've never had issues of feeling left out in school etc and we aren't the only family I know that have no time for pretty explosives.

No need to be a clone, save your money and have a nice at home evening instead Smile

NoooorthonerMum · 19/10/2016 14:46

Supporting your child's school in events like this is important...if everyone couldn;t be arsed, it would be awful.

What? The school event is meant to be something nice for those who want to go, not an obligation for people who have no interest. There'll be plenty of older kids who are looking forward to going; the fireworks night will be fine without dragging five year olds who don't want to go.

user1476140278 · 19/10/2016 14:47

NooorthernMum don't be daft. They raise much needed funds through things like this.

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