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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my baby back when he is choking

25 replies

Hampshiremumof1 · 18/10/2016 16:10

At a family party at the weekend my SIL was holding my 10month old and gave him a Doritito. He starts choking quite violently so I reach over the table for him but at the same time MIL reaches over and gets to him first. Rather than passing him to me she starts patting him on the back herself, asking SIL for advice and ignoring me, until he was eventually sick and then fine.
She is a lovely person and I know she was just trying to help but I can't help feeling very annoyed and have thought about it quite a lot since. If my baby is in trouble I want him back! AIBU? Just felt the need to vent as OH doesn't see my point.

OP posts:
Aliveinwanderland · 18/10/2016 16:12

Sorry but I don't see your point either.

Your baby nearly chocked and you are worrying about who got to him first?

Reality check!!!

Candlelight123 · 18/10/2016 16:13

YANBU,but if he was really 'choking' you could have grabbed him back???

RedPaint37 · 18/10/2016 16:16

i understand why you're annoyed, it'd upset me too as I'd feel undermined - but - in the moment, your MIL took action, i doubt it was deliberately exclusive. Easier to say that when it's not your baby though. Is she generally a bit dismissive of you? It's better letting these things go if you can.

RedGrapeCornSnake · 18/10/2016 16:16

Honestly? I think that in a situation like that the last thing I'd want another adult to be worrying about was my whereabouts.

Your baby needed a quick reaction and the closest adults dealt with him. In the nicest possible way, you're overreacting

melibu84 · 18/10/2016 16:16

So someone else tried to help your baby and you see this as a problem?

And if everyone had just sat back and watched, would you complain about that too!

Whatever next lol

Original poster
Hampshiremumof1 · 18/10/2016 16:21

Thanks I appreciate your replies. I did suspect I was being unreasonable... think I just needed confirmation to get over it.

OP posts:
dailymaillazyjournos · 18/10/2016 16:39

I she was nearest to him I think it was probably instinctive for her to reach out for him and start to try sort him out. If you were both the same distance from each other though, I'd have thought she'd have let you take him.
Difficult one without seeing the scenario.
I'm trying to imagine if I were holding a baby and they started choking what I'd do. I reckon I''d just instinctively immediately try to dislodge the item that was choking them and not even think to pass them to the parent.

myownprivateidaho · 18/10/2016 16:44

Thank god he's ok! I think the safest thing in that situation is for whoever is nearest to deal with it ASAP. I am sure your mil's instincts just kicked in.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 18/10/2016 16:45

It sounds as though MIL saw her grandson choking and instinctively tried to help him.

I don't suppose looking around for one of his parents was her top priority at that moment.

Nurszilla · 18/10/2016 16:47

YABU but I can understand why. Our motherly instincts kick in when our babies are in trouble, your MIL's probably did the same and in that moment she wasn't thinking about anything other than helping your baby.

We had a similar experience with a smartie on a flight once, one of the worst experiences of my life and I've never been more glad to be covered in vomit as I was that day!

Serialweightwatcher · 18/10/2016 16:50

She was probably doing it for you so that you didn't panic - I know what you mean, but MILs and mothers usually think they know more, rightly or wrongly. Be grateful you have family that are helping you and don't dwell on it Flowers

Pickanameanyoldname · 18/10/2016 16:53

Instinct would kick in and the last thing most people would be thinking about would be passing a choking baby around to the mother.

It was probably only a matter of seconds but I bet it felt like a lifetime to you.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 18/10/2016 17:02

DD1 got stung by a wasp when she was about 3. MIL (whom I love dearly) took over and crowded me out, along with FIL. Similar sort of thing, although wasp stings are not (normally) life threatening. It really bothered me. DD1 wanted me, not her grandmother, when she hurt herself. It happened a couple of other times, a bump on the head, a little cut on the knee before I asserted myself - "here, I'll take her".

now that she's a stroppy teenager we have less of this problem Grin

FleurThomas · 18/10/2016 17:03

YABU but you already know that. Tbh your anger should be diverted to the sil. Why give a dorito to a 10 mth old?

ImperialBlether · 18/10/2016 17:06

They were both out of order. Your SIL gave a ten month old baby a Dorito? Is she crazy? And your MIL should have passed the baby to you - it's natural that you would want to deal with it.

GreenishMe · 18/10/2016 17:07

Your MIL was clearly trying to be helpful, although I do understand your frustration at being ignored...and not sure why she was asking the person who'd caused the situation Dorito?? in the first place for advice?

...and if your baby was coughing, slapping his back shouldn't have been done immediately just in case it causes the food to become even more lodged. It's better to see if the coughing can expel it first.....before resorting to back slaps.

londonrach · 18/10/2016 17:08

Seriously baby chocking....nearest adult to sort then pass to mum for cuddles afterwards.

Temporaryname137 · 18/10/2016 17:10

A Dorito??? What's the matter with your SIL?!

PersianCatLady · 18/10/2016 17:14

I may have missed the point here but why on Earth was any one feeding a 10 moth old a Dorito?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 18/10/2016 17:25

Well personally I would have wanted my baby back straight away. Wouldn't have messed around patting his back either; he would've been upside down over my knee. I can quite see where you are coming from OP; it must've been awful for you.

toptoe · 18/10/2016 17:27

She was in the moment and reacting with instinct. Just as you were. I'd be the same as you as a mum wanting to do it myself, but also probably just like your mil with another baby if right next to them. Glad it was sorted quickly. How horrible for you.

BalloonSlayer · 18/10/2016 17:28

I can understand your feelings OP, that "gimmee my BABY" rage but you could also have done an AIBU as "AIBU to be angry that my SIL gave my baby a bloody Dorito which he choked on then handed him back to me to me to sort out."

At least they were trying to sort out the bloody awful problem they had created. Maybe they were hoping you hadn't noticed.

Meluzyna · 18/10/2016 17:49

Not really reassuring if she was asking for advice.... glad he's none the worse for his experience... my MIL gave my child a hard throat sweet when he was about 18 months - he asked for a sweet and it was all she had in her handbag.... stupid woman - my children know the meaning of the word "no". he started ot choke (obviously) and I nearly knocked her over in my haste to get to him and expel the offending object.
Presumably your SIL knows nothing about children? There was a horrid story in the papers about a baby choking to death on a marshmallow which the person holding him was about to enjoy on top of their hot chocolate........ if you aren't a parent ( and sometimes even if you are) you sometimes just don't see the danger.

gunting · 18/10/2016 17:53

I wouldn't worry about it, she went to help him.

If he was choking he would have been silent.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 18/10/2016 17:54

I think you should be more concerned about your 10 month eating a DoritoShockGrin

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