AIBU to just go ahead and do it....

[Thunderwing]

I'll keep it brief... I have 2 tattoos which predate DH, and have wanted another one for years. DH thinks all tattoos are stupid and doesn't know why anyone would want one but says he'd never stop me if I wanted another.

I found a design I love and I booked the tattooist back in august... I haven't mentioned it to DH.

The appointment is tomorrow and I'm beginning to bottle it... so, do I a) just tell DH and wait for him to talk me out of it, b) say nothing and cancel or c) just go ahead and face the consequences after?

Face the consequences? What consequences?

Tell him tomorrow and get it done. Its your body and your decision.

'but says he'd never stop me if I wanted another'. You're a grown up, since when can someone stop you from doing something like having another tattoo.

Mate, it's your body. Nobody else can decide this for you. If you want to be talked out of it, do (a). If you have pretty much talked yourself out of it, do (b). If you really, really want that tattoo, do (c), and be damned to anyone else's opinion. It doesn't sound like your marriage will suffer more than a few sighs and eye-rolls, and he may even like it when it's done.

Or there's (d), where you postpone the appointment until you've had a good long think about it.

Or (e) - have a really tiny copy of the picture on a not very obtrusive part of the anatomy.

Umm I'm not sure on this one.

I'm not a fan of tattoos. DH wanted one ideally many and we reached an agreement that he got one large one only and I "approved" the design (to be clear he choose it though).

Yes it's his body, but I'm the one that has to look at it....

We aren't talking about hair or clothing here that can be changed.

I'd be pretty pissed off if DH came home with another tattoo without speaking to me about it.

When I say consequences I mean the "WTF have you gone and done that for" conversation which is inevitable.

I know he can't stop me but he will try and talk me out of it if I tell him, but I feel guilty at keeping it a secret...

Thanks Annie, when I thought about cancelling i got upset so I know i really want it. It's a very specific design which relates to my daughter that I have wanted for a good few years, so not decided on a whim.

I take your point too Eats, which is why I feel guilty....

Yea I know its your body but like Eats said this is something so permanent and he is your husband. Hiw would you feel if dh came home with something equally as changing of him without discussing it with you before?

If its something so important to you thenI think you need to discuss it with him, let him know why its important to you and where its going to go (is this something you could compromise on for dh maybe?)

We have had many discussions, he knows what I want and where, and like I said he said he wouldn't stop me but thinks it's stupid.

I'm unhelpfully on the fence. One the one hand - yes, it's your body and you absolutely can and should do what you like with it. On the other hand - if my OH knowingly went and did something to his body (let's say he grew a beard - I really hate beards) which he knew I hated, I think I'd feel he didn't really care about my feelings at all. I wouldn't feel we were a partnership. So yes, talk to him first.

My DH often didn't tell me before he had a hair cut, and just came home from work with his hair all short. I feel slightly uncomfortable. If he showed up with a tattoo I'd probably feel the same but more so. I'm not expecting him to ask permission, I'm just not good with change (luckily neither is he so we accommodate each other I'm this regard).

I think get on and tell him tonight rather than sit through the tattooing thinking you have an uncomfortable conversation to come. Get it out of the way - dread is worse than just getting it done!

He thinks it's stupid and it doesn't sound like his opinion is going to change any time soon.

So you're going to have 'the conversation' either way, but the problem with coming home with the tattoo and having the conversation after, is it's almost then added a bit of deceit/secrecy into the mix. And your only excuse or explanation will be "I didn't tell you because I knew how you'd react" - you know, that excuse we hear on here so often when people are going behind their partners backs doing something they know their partner wouldn't like, or wouldn't approve of, or shows a disregard for their feelings.

If you are paying for it with "family money" then I could understand why OH might think this was U. Your personal spends are your business though.

Well, if you take the fact that this is a tattoo out of the equation (as they are quite a divisive topic on MN), and just imagine it was a different thing you were planning to do, that you know your dh will not like at all, and is a permanent thing. You're deliberately going behind his back

Are you happy about that? (And this is nothing to do with "asking permission" or him "controlling" you. I would have said it's a basic courtesy to discuss anything major with your life partner).

My DH hates tattoos with a passion. I started with one that I told him about 3 months in advance. 2'nd I didn't tell him about, and he took about 6 months to notice it. I told him about the extension to the first the day before I had it done. That was I think the best option for us, as he didn't have time to go on and on, but he did know it was happening in advance.

He knows about the next one. Not booked yet, but it will happen. He will never like them. Will never understand. He is becoming more accepting.

ps: pics please!