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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a strict routine for Dcs

240 replies

GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 16:44

DS is year 9, DD year 7.

They come in at 4. They have to do their homework then. We eat at half five. Then they are allowed to watch TV, go on phones etc.

They have to wear their uniforms I can't cope with extra washing, obviously I let them loosen their top button take ties off etc.

DD thinks I am too strict, am I? They go to bed at 9.

OP posts:
Whatabloodyidiot1 · 17/10/2016 16:47

I think they should be allowed to come home, relax, have a snack and then do homework. You wouldn't want to essentially do a days work, come home and then do some more work would you?!
I also think they could have some comfy clothes to change into, joggers and a hoody etc. school uniform isn't very comfy, especially when it's cold.

SeasonalVag · 17/10/2016 16:48

No! I've even worked out a routine for after school....Monday we do art, Tuesday swimming...etc. they like a routine. Plus it stops them thinking about sodding screen time. But my kids are young, 7 and 4

acasualobserver · 17/10/2016 16:48

I think the staying in school uniform thing is a bit joyless.

sirfredfredgeorge · 17/10/2016 16:49

Yes you are too strict, you're not teaching them how to live, you're teaching them how to be controlled rather than make their own decisions.

You could say you won't do any extra washing - so if they want to change they do their won, but you are completely unreasonable to micro-manage their time to the level you are.

saoirse31 · 17/10/2016 16:50

You sound v v v controlling... U can't cope with washing?.. What washing two tracksuit bottoms and five t shirts a week... Really?

saoirse31 · 17/10/2016 16:50

Joyless is actually an excellent description of the way u describe things.

pizzapop · 17/10/2016 16:51

Aw let them put something comfy on when they get in! That's always my first priority when I get home from work! And a bit of chill time.

FeckinCrutches · 17/10/2016 16:51

Tea/homework etc is fine. Making them sit in shirts/skirts/tights etc seems a bit mean.
Can't they just pop on joggers and a hoody? They won't need to be washed everyday. I wouldn't want to sit in 'work' clothes all night.

milkyface · 17/10/2016 16:52

Don't you end up washing more uniform? If they're anything like ss they end up spilling all sorts down them at dinner God knows how

Let them get changed!

As long as homework is done and on time I think they should be left to decide when to do it within reason.

claraschu · 17/10/2016 16:52

It sounds a bit dull to me. I would want to vary life a bit, but I am not a lover of routine. My kids would do things with friends, eat, cook, go out, play their instruments, and certainly change their clothes as much as they want. We would usually eat later and have snacks after school, though that used to vary too.

I don't do much washing, but that's because I think it is fine to wear clothes several times, as long as they don't smell bad or have food spilled on them.

FKat2016 · 17/10/2016 16:52

I used to stay in uniform out of laziness!

Homework as soon as they get home seems like a good habit to get into- get its out of the way and then they can enjoy the rest of the evening. Although... They don't have much evening to enjoy! I would say 9pm is pretty early to be made to go to bed, certainly for DS. In the summer it would still be daylight outside... Maybe there could be a bit more flexibility with regards to bed time?

mouldycheesefan · 17/10/2016 16:52

No that's fine. I would let them get changed though. Does it create that much more washing? I don't see how.

sumoweeble · 17/10/2016 16:54

Takes all sorts and I wish I'd had a bit more routine when my older ones were that age but you definitely sound on the controlling side. The school uniform thing is ridiculously uptight and 9pm is a v v v early bedtime for a 14 year old.

FKat2016 · 17/10/2016 16:55

And maybe a little snack when they get in, to perk them up for doing said homework.

LagunaBubbles · 17/10/2016 16:56

I have no idea how old your children are as Im in Scotland and not England but it does sound very controlling to me, especially not "letting" them change their clothes into something more comfortable and not associated with school.

Starlight2345 · 17/10/2016 16:57

My DS (9) doesn't tend to change out of his uniform..His choice..However I do think to come straight in and do homework is harsh..I have found from my DS give him a break, let him chill out for a bit and he does far better...

It may be the way it is written but it all sounds very joyless..

Your Year 7 child is at high school so how does she want things to be different?

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 16:58

Thank you. They want to do homework in their own time. A lot of the homework they get is poor quality. My friends DD has homework that takes her four hours a night. So I do want some extra study. I'll rethink on the uniforms. They make a mess.

OP posts:
FKat2016 · 17/10/2016 17:00

Gets it*. Monday typing....

BaldBaby1970 · 17/10/2016 17:01

DS is Year 10. He comes home has a wind down and then usually gets on with his homework. Sometimes he changes out of his uniform and sometimes not, it's up to him really. I don't think I have told him what to wear since about Year 4. In terms of additional laundry it would be neither here nor there to me.

I think you could go easier on them and also on yourself.

Blu · 17/10/2016 17:02

Can your kids not put jeans / joggers and T shirts in the wash and hang them up?

It's good they do homework and get it out of the way but you have to give them leeway so that they learn self discipline and self sufficiency from within .

BaldBaby1970 · 17/10/2016 17:05

Don't compare them to your friend's child. Are they at a good school? Are they doing well? Why do you think their homework is of poor quality? What is the basis for that judgement? I would say if they are achieving well academically then let the homework situation be what it is. Also, I think it is good to encourage them to manage their own homework schedule. It's about taking responsibility and learning to prioritise and balance their work vs leisure time. Great skills to learn and it will give them a sense of agency that is far better for them than feeling that they have to wait to be told what to do.

Starlight2345 · 17/10/2016 17:05

You say your friends DD homework takes 4 hours a night...Firstly does it? Is she actually working..IS it because she is too tired?

Also certainly year 7 .. they are settling into high school...

you sound like this is what you want not them..If they complete set homework what do you make them study? as it may well make them bored in lessons.

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 17:05

No, they aren't at a good school so I do feel the need to oversee things.

OP posts:
Ausernotanumber · 17/10/2016 17:07

Oh dear god they're what ? 11 and 13 and you are allowing them to take off their ties?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 17/10/2016 17:07

9PM bedtime for a 11 and 13 year old?! Confused

Poor kids, school, homework, bed. Where is the downtime? When do they see friends and have fun?!