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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a strict routine for Dcs

240 replies

GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 16:44

DS is year 9, DD year 7.

They come in at 4. They have to do their homework then. We eat at half five. Then they are allowed to watch TV, go on phones etc.

They have to wear their uniforms I can't cope with extra washing, obviously I let them loosen their top button take ties off etc.

DD thinks I am too strict, am I? They go to bed at 9.

OP posts:
kissingJustForPractice · 17/10/2016 17:07

I think you need to start letting go of the reins a bit, how will they learn to be independent if you are organising them? Everyone changes after work or school in our house (much comfier and less of a chance of ruining smart clothes or uniform), as others have said you don't need to wash the home stuff as much (or let them do their own?). My two are in the same years as yours, they relax a bit when they get in and have a snack, I encourage them to start homework at 4:30. We all eat together so half five sounds bonkersly early to me! They have to also fit in emptying the dishwasher before we start cooking.

We use the Screentime app, so they get a limited amount of time and have to earn more through doing tasks like homework, getting their packed lunch stuff out of their bags, music practice, etc, so they are in charge of their time a bit more.

corythatwas · 17/10/2016 17:07

Seeing that the older of these dc may be hitting university in 4 or 5 years time, and speaking as a university lecturer, is there anything in their daily life that is aimed at getting them into the habit of organising themselves and working out what a good routine might look like for them?

Ausernotanumber · 17/10/2016 17:08

And 9pm is far too early for them t be going to bed.

littleducks · 17/10/2016 17:09

Mine mostly put pyjamas on Shock as habit from getting home later most days so not bothering to change twice in a period if two hours. They are younger though

CheshireChat · 17/10/2016 17:09

First thing I do when I get in is to get changed so I'd hate not being allowed to. Also can they actually focus on their homework straight away or are they just wasting time because they're a bit frazzled?

If it works for them, that's fine but if it doesn't then it's OK to try and tweak things.

FWIW this sort of strict routine that doesn't allow for autonomy would've driven me absolutely insane rather than help.

LadyAEIOU · 17/10/2016 17:10

I am the opposite with uniform I ask DSS to change when he comes in so he doesn't spill food on his clean uniform.

Ausernotanumber · 17/10/2016 17:10

I wear a suit to work every day.

At home I am pjs or leggings and loose top.

Why can't they get changed?

CheshireChat · 17/10/2016 17:12

I missed their ages, thought they were 7 and 9 (not sure how)! Definitely unreasonable.

Maybe give them a bit of freedom and they'll perform better.

Superdinocharge · 17/10/2016 17:12

Do they have any down time? I would suggest letting them do homework in there own time as it teaches organisation. Yes they may be rushed sometimes but it's part of learning. What's going to happen when they are at uni and go from completely being controlled to being completely uncontrolled! They will find it really hard and likely fail.

kissingJustForPractice · 17/10/2016 17:13

As far as I know there is no evidence that doing hours of homework affects outcomes in the long run, my son's school is really good, they've done really well in their results this year and he rarely gets more than half an hour a night.

BaldBaby1970 · 17/10/2016 17:13

Oh dear. OK. I am not sure the answer to this is necessarily you 'overseeing' things. I wouldn't feel confident trying to identify any gaps in academic provision let alone deciding how best to compensate for them in terms of what extra study to set. Are you a teacher?

Superdinocharge · 17/10/2016 17:14

9 o'clock bedtime is ok if they are not actually asleep at that time, but reading or watching tv etc

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 17:14

No, but I am involved and try to help.

OP posts:
Artandco · 17/10/2016 17:14

It all sounds a bit early? They are what 11 and 13 year old and have to be inside every night from 4pm? And dinner at 5.30pm?

Can't they go and do something after school sometimes? Cant you all go out some times?

As a comparison I have a 5 and 6 year old. They finish school and spend 4-6.30pm often in the park, swimming, playing with friends over. 6.30-7.30 ish is homework (takes 20mins). We all eat between 7-8pm. 8-9pm is chill out, read, bath, play or whatever. Bedtime at 9pm. They have no screen time.

I cannot imagine my 5 year old having to be inside every day from 4pm and eating dinner at 5.30pm. Def not at 13 years.

At 13 years aren't most children hanging out with friends, in coffee shops nowadays, out doing some sport or activity or friends over?

228agreenend · 17/10/2016 17:15

I expected you to be a tiger mum from your heading, but actually you're just a mum with a routine.

We have a similar routine, except ours relax, get changed ( hopefully), then homework.

Your dcs have time to watch to, go on phones etc. It's not like you are dictating their every move.

Anne Robinson has a new series and the first episode looked at parenting. It was quite interesting. Two contrasting mums had the same eventual aim, to develop confident, happy children.

BaldBaby1970 · 17/10/2016 17:15

Also, I would be looking at alternative schools to avoid having to beast my kid through extra study every evening.

228agreenend · 17/10/2016 17:16

My teens often eat at 5.30pm. I'd rather get the food over and done with, then they can relax/homework afterwards. Wasn't there a thread about mealtimes recently?

angryangryyoungwoman · 17/10/2016 17:18

What do the children think?

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 17:19

Not that simple Bald.

Children would like to wear their own clothes, which is fine but I've asked if they can make these jogging bottoms etc not jeans.

OP posts:
happypoobum · 17/10/2016 17:20

Well Gonica I would have thought from your username that you chose for yourself that you actually know you are very controlling and uptight?

At this age it sounds really restrictive. Unless this is a reverse?

milkyface · 17/10/2016 17:20

What's wrong with jeans?

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 17:21

I probably am controlling but I am surprised at how controlling people think I am. Just want the Dcs to do well.

OP posts:
Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 17:21

Just that they take a long time to dry after being washed.

OP posts:
FKat2016 · 17/10/2016 17:22

If your children did 4 hours of homework like your friend's do each night... They'd be left with ONE hour to themselves before bed!

Purplebluebird · 17/10/2016 17:22

I think you're too strict. Surely they can wear comfy clothes after school?! I get the homework time though - we used to have 15-30 minutes wind down time after we got in, before we had to do homework.