To have a strict routine for Dcs

[GonicaMeller]

DS is year 9, DD year 7.

They come in at 4. They have to do their homework then. We eat at half five. Then they are allowed to watch TV, go on phones etc.

They have to wear their uniforms I can't cope with extra washing, obviously I let them loosen their top button take ties off etc.

DD thinks I am too strict, am I? They go to bed at 9.

[Ausernotanumber]

Do you have no heating in your home?

[GonicaMeller]

Just a bit tire today. Thanks :)

[GonicaMeller]

Not central heating no.

[kissingJustForPractice]

It sounds like you are not living the way that you'd like to (financially, school you're not happy with) and it's your desire to want things to be better for your kids has left you making these rules. Now your kids are getting older, you need to try and trust them with a bit more responsibility. Explain your concerns - not having clean things for the weekend, making sure that homework is done and ask your children to come up with solutions, I am sure you all want the same things really (to do well and be happy) - maybe they will flourish with a bit more autonomy, though things will go wrong to begin with - they need to be able to make their own mistakes and decisions.

[GonicaMeller]

I do want things to be better for them :)

[kissingJustForPractice]

Sorry my first sentence is a bit garbled, must remember to use preview!

[OutDamnedWind]

What has your DD actually said with regards to you being strict?

[GonicaMeller]

She just said she'd like to have more freedom

[Ausernotanumber]

This is going to sound rude and I don't mean it to.

So before I ask it I'm going to say I've been there.

Are you desperately poor?

[BaldBaby1970]

DS used to come in, watch tv, chill, then forget his homework fhen tears the next morning

Does the prospect of being sanctioned at school not spur him on to do his homework? If it doesn't and he is being a bit lazy about the whole thing then, yes, there is possibly you do need to set a homework routine for him. If your DD is more autonomous and capable of getting her homework done under her own steam then I wouldn't force her into the same routine as DS.

[Starlight2345]

Could you do what has been suggested small snack . start homework later, tea later.

The balance is difficult.

[WipsGlitter]

It does sound a bit crap.

Younger here with less homework but they come in and watch tv and relax.

Do they not do any activities or sport or anything. If you're thinking about university for them then the universities will be looking for evidence that they are more rounded people with a range of interests.

[TheHubblesWindscreenWipers]

Ok so I'd reply to dd something like

"Ok, what kind of thing are you asking for?"
(She says wear own clothes at night)
"Ok, we can do that. I need you to make sure your uniform is hung up/over back of chair/ or on the floor and I'll need you to give me hand with the laundry for half an hour on a Saturday- deal?"

Or she says no homework right away "ok, well obviously I just want your homework to be done - so let's say you promise to have it fine by x time but it's up to you when you do it?"

If you can give them a feeling of having control and agency you may find they respond well. It's highly likely you'll need to keep reminding them of their end of the bargain now and again, but it's really vital they develop independence

[OutDamnedWind]

Did she say what kind of freedom? Would you be willing to relax things a bit - say nice dinner to 6.30 and say that homework must be done by then?

[TheHubblesWindscreenWipers]

Not on the floor! Gah..,

[Naicehamshop]

What do you call an excellent school op?

4 hours homework a night for your friend's child is excessive. What a horrible, joyless life for a child!

One of the problems with micro-managing children's lives and homework is that when they go on to university they find it difficult to manage their time and consequently struggle.

Lighten up a bit op. Let your children relax and enjoy being children/teenagers.

[SauvignonPlonker]

OP, if money & heating are an issue, how about the local library one day after school? It's a good place to get homework done, is usually warm & your DC have reference books at hand.

Maybe have a coffee or hot chocolate another day in a cafe?

Just to break up the routine.

it sounds like you are struggling & trying very hard.

[WindPowerRanger]

Activities cost money-just my DS's weekend sports class is a lot, plus the outfits and equipment.

But how about one day a week after school at the local library, if you've still got one? They are a great place to do homework or homework research, find good books, rent DVDs and music and go online.

When my mother worked on Saturdays, my father used to take us to the library. It was also the only day we were allowed sweets, so Saturday afternoon was a lovely relaxed time of munching and reading (which, not coincidentally, left my father watch Grandstand/World of Sport without interruption).

If you've got a local authority leisure centre, perhaps they could do a physical activity there once a week as well. It's usually affordable.

[GonicaMeller]

It's getting TO the library, that can be difficult.

Thanks.

[FurryLittleTwerp]

5.30pm is very early to be eating IMO - are they not starving by bedtime?

At 14 DS needed to eat a snack & relax after school, then do homework before & after dinner. Bedtime around half 10.

[YouHadMeAtCake]

Wow. Are you doing your washing on the rocks of a river bank?

I always found it hard to get the DC out of uniform, I wouldn't dream of making them stay in the same clothes all day. You sound incredibly joyless and controlling. Stop it because they will not look back on these days with fond memories.

[Ausernotanumber]

There should be a library at school they can use until around 5 though?

[pictish]

You're their mother not their governess - mellow out fgs.

[GonicaMeller]

School library open till 5?

[MsJudgemental]

Not read all the thread, but dinner at 5.30 is ridiculous and so is bed at 9.00 for a 14-year-old. Let them change out of their uniforms and hang them up so they're ready for the next day. And if they don't do their homework, they're the ones who'll be in trouble. They will never learn to manage themselves if you micromanage them. We gave up trying to battle over this stuff years ago. Our son learnt from his own mistakes and after achieving a good set of 11 GCSEs is now in Year 12, does his homework promptly, goes to bed at a sensible time for him while still having lots af screen time and has smartened-up his appearance, all while having a good relationship with his girlfriend. Our relationship has never been better. Trust them to make the right decisions.