To have a strict routine for Dcs

[GonicaMeller]

DS is year 9, DD year 7.

They come in at 4. They have to do their homework then. We eat at half five. Then they are allowed to watch TV, go on phones etc.

They have to wear their uniforms I can't cope with extra washing, obviously I let them loosen their top button take ties off etc.

DD thinks I am too strict, am I? They go to bed at 9.

[BaldBaby1970]

Well. I think the only thing I would say is that whatever happens talk to them, ask them what they want and find a compromise.

It's pretty soul destroying to feel like you have no choice. My mother was terribly strict and had rules and routines that were in place largely to satisfy her own fears and insecurities. Not suggesting this is what you are doing, but the end result is the same, if you don't negotiate and relax a little it will just lead to conflict and resentment.

[WorraLiberty]

Do they wear a fresh uniform every day then?

[albertatrilogy]

Sorry, misread. Thought it was a partner who believed you were too strict - rather than a daughter.

[Artandco]

1 hr max per night homework at that age.

They could easily do stuff 4-6pm, then 6-8pm eat and do homework. Homework taking max 1hr. 8pm onward is chill.

I think they do need to do something though. Do they really never just meet with friends, invite a friend over, go for a walk, join a club after school?

[fishonabicycle]

My 15 year old still turns his light out at about 9.30-9.45 on a school night! He doesn't mind at all as he likes a lot of sleep. But he does his homework when he wants (and has done since he started secondary school) and he always does it. And stays in his uniform although i ask him to change! I think he just can't be arsed.

[GonicaMeller]

How do I dry everything?

With difficulty :)

They wear fresh shirts but tend to keep the same jumpers and trousers. Obviously fresh underwear. Although I think DS would keep his on if he thought he'd get away with it!

[ThatStewie]

Do they really need to be home at 4? Can't they hang out with friends? Go swimming? Join a club?

You really do need to start letting them organise themselves. It's a far more important life skill than most people give credit for. Lots of kids who do badly at uni do so because they lack the skills of self-motivation, organisation & independent thought. You need to let them screw up now when it doesn't matter than failing uni/ college/losing a job because of lack of basic skills.

[AcrossthePond55]

At that age my children had a bit of autonomy about when homework was done. As a result, both of them know how to manage time and prioritize workloads. One preferred to get it out of the way, the other preferred doing it before bed. As long as it's done and done well, does it really matter if they do it right as they walk in the door or at a later time? I think you should talk to them and see if they have any preference to how they do things. Let them test it out with the understanding that if they don't hold up their end, it will be back to the old routine.



Mine didn't wear uniform (US) so changing after school wasn't an issue, but they did have pj bottoms and sweatpants they'd put on if they felt like it.

[Artandco]

CAnt they just wear the same pair of jeans every evening after school? If ally hey are doing is sitting in them they aren't getting dirty really

[GonicaMeller]

School doesn't have any clubs. Bit of football. DS isn't really into football.

[GonicaMeller]

They don't have to be home at 4. I wouldn't mind if they wanted to be somewhere, as long as they let me know, but school finishes at 3, and they tend to drift in between half past three and four of clock.

[MaQueen]

Well, I would consider myself a control freak, who luffs an efficient routine...but, even I think you're being overly autocratic.

Our DDs are at a grammar, so they have a lot of homework, which has to be completed to a very high standard. No excuses, ever...

But, I do allow them a snack and a drink when they get in from school. Then they change into something comfy like leggings and a hoodie, before starting homework.

They'll probably wear the same leggings and hoodie for a few days, so it doesn't create much more washing.

[BearFeet]

If they take the jeans off and leave them on the floor, they'll know where to find them the next evening

[Artandco]

There are clubs and activities outside of school though. Running, cycling, climbing, martial arts, scouts, etc

[milkyface]

Sorry if this is off topic but do they see their dad? If so do they have a very different / no routine with him?

[Bogeyface]

Wow.

I have had 6 kids at home, now 5 as DS has grown and flown, and I have to be organised but this level of control would have us all tearing our hair out.

Of course they make a mess, thats what kids do!

And 4 hours homework may not mean that it is good quality homework, more that the child is struggling with it.

[GonicaMeller]

I know, but we have a cat who has been known to urinate when clothes are left on the floor

No, it just makes life much easier if they keep jeans for the weekend - with the best will in the world kids spill stuff or mess them. DD got glue on hers one time.

[Peanutandphoenix]

Wow could you be anymore strict and controlling. Making them stay in their uniform because you don't want to do anymore washing and a 9pm bedtime seriously they are what 11 and 14 they can go to bed latter than that U had a 10pm bedtime when I was in year 6. I think you seriously need to chill out a bit more and let them be kids and have more free time otherwise they will end up rebelling when they get older. They are kids your not an army Sargent.

[GonicaMeller]

No, you're probably right re the homework but it's just part of the general picture of the school. I suppose I'd like them to be learning more and being encouraged to find things out. I found homework used to get not done if DS didn't do it as soon as he came in. Maybe I should back off a bit though.

[OutDamnedWind]

Well, yes, clothes get dirty. That's life. I get the struggles of washing, but couldn't imagine imposing rules in what can and can't be worn.

You said your DD thinks you're too strict. What does she think you're strict about? What would she like to be different?

[BigSandyBalls2015]

You must have incredibly easy going, malleable children if they go along with this! Mine would laugh if I told them they 'weren't allowed' to change after school, but could undo a top button and take off their ties!! They'd think I'd been drinking!

I do think you need to unclench a bit.

[GonicaMeller]

Just to clarify with 9 o clock - that's in bed with PJs on, not necessarily asleep.

I sleep in the lounge so it's Wind down for me too. I am up early and I go to sleep about 10.

[albertatrilogy]

It sounds a bit obsessional.

And - though of course this is only how it appears - not very loving.

[GnomeDePlume]

My DCs attended a failing school (one still does). Making up for that is not about quantity of homework but quality. It is also about instilling an enjoyment of learning. A joyless regime wont do that. The danger is that they will grow to resent it.

[WankersHacksandThieves]

That is the most soulless thing I've ever read OP. How do you ever expect them to make their own decisions and order their own life if you don't cut them some slack?

Mine come home, get out of their uniform and chillax for an hour, we have dinner, I remind them to do any homework they have, it's then up to them to work out when to do it. DS1 usually does it there and then, DS2 varies - he likes to ride by the seat of his pants a bit but it's his homework, his responsibility.

Then they either chill out, do any outstanding chores (not much!) or get organised for any activity they have on.

You need to allow them to grow up a bit.