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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a strict routine for Dcs

240 replies

GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 16:44

DS is year 9, DD year 7.

They come in at 4. They have to do their homework then. We eat at half five. Then they are allowed to watch TV, go on phones etc.

They have to wear their uniforms I can't cope with extra washing, obviously I let them loosen their top button take ties off etc.

DD thinks I am too strict, am I? They go to bed at 9.

OP posts:
TeenAndTween · 17/10/2016 17:23

Remember if they are only changing into home clothes at 4 ish and then not doing much in them, they do not need to be washed every day . A shirt can easily go at least 3 days if only being worn for a few hours of non energetic time. Similarly let the jeans be worn all week and wash after the w/e or whenever.

9pm is not too early for bed. My DD is y7 and she is shattered by 9.

OutDamnedWind · 17/10/2016 17:25

But why not jeans? I do find it very odd and controlling that you would want to dictate that. There's 5 hours between home and bed, that's almost half their waking day.

OutDamnedWind · 17/10/2016 17:26

Do they not do any form of extra-curricular activity? Sports, or Guides/Scouts or similar?

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 17:28

It's not about dictating it, it's just about not being able to dry them.

They have a maths tutor Tuesday night.

OP posts:
milkyface · 17/10/2016 17:29

Stick them over a radiator?

happypoobum · 17/10/2016 17:29

Gonica, I honestly mean this gently, do other people in RL accuse you of being "controlling" "OCD" that kind of thing?

Would you feel you had to wash the jeans every time the DC wore them? You wouldn't let them wear the same pair for a week few days?

Do you have very strict routines for all aspects of your life and feel uncomfortable without them? It's just you sound like a friend of mine who has been helped enormously with issues like this that were affecting her life a little bit, but having a very detrimental effect on her teenagers. Please don't feel I am having a pop at you, I am trying to make helpful suggestions.

EwanWhosearmy · 17/10/2016 17:30

When I was at home we always ate at 5.20 (when DF came home), and managed to cope with that just fine, but 9pm bed?! My 9 yo has a 9pm bedtime. Mine have always stayed in uniform because they have clean on every day, and have never mentioned it being an issue, but if they wanted to change I wouldn't have a problem with it. (I'm with you on the jeans).

threelittlerapscallions · 17/10/2016 17:30

I think 9 pm way too early for most children their age - also what about sport/after school clubs like music and guides/seeing friends/going to park etc? My children much younger but my 5 and 3 year old go to bed at 8.30 and the baby at 8! I think let them decide when to do homework as long as it gets done and definitely change into own clothes if they want to.

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 17:30

I'd be fine with them wearing them more than once but the kids have a habit of taking them off and leaving them on the floor :)

I am concerned about their schoolwork.

We don't have radiators.

OP posts:
FV45 · 17/10/2016 17:31

Any child doing 4hrs homework a night either goes to a very poor school or is not telling the truth or they are being pushed horribly.

It's not necessary.

OutDamnedWind · 17/10/2016 17:31

Let me rephrase, do they do any non-schoolwork based extra-curriculars?

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 17:31

It's an excellent school, one of the best.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/10/2016 17:31

Do they not have a social life outside of school?

If they do, what do they wear when they go to the park/their friend's houses/clubs?

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 17:32

No.

OP posts:
usual · 17/10/2016 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

albertatrilogy · 17/10/2016 17:32

I'd worry that by focusing so intensely on wanting the children to do well, you might end up by having the opposite effect.

Most teenagers will want to start asking questions, making choices and doing as their friends do. You mightn't be at this point yet - but my guess would be it'll come. If there isn't a sort of flexible, give and take, adolescent may go into total rebellion mode. Or even if by strength of will you can get them to conform, there'll be adverse consequences in the longer term.

Also I think parenting works better when both parents are singing from the same hymn sheet. It sounds as if your partner favours a slightly more relaxed style. Perhaps you owe it to him, to take his views into account?

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 17:32

At weekends sometimes. Not in the week.

OP posts:
OutDamnedWind · 17/10/2016 17:33

If it is an excellent school, what makes you so concerned about homework/schoolwork? Are they not doing well at school?

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 17:33

Partner?

OP posts:
EnoughAlready43 · 17/10/2016 17:33

Getting them to do their homework first thing is good, i think.

keeping them in their school clothes is dreadful. really miserable. this is your responsibility to get a handle of your laundry. buy a drier or whatever but sort it out.

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 17:33

No, I said that my friends daughter attends an excellent school, my children don't, unfortunately.

I think the thread is getting confused.

OP posts:
takesnoprisoners · 17/10/2016 17:34

Except for the clothes I can't see what you are doing wrong. Just let them wear whatever and make them responsible for their own clothes. For someone who is strict, you seem to have no control on how they deal with their clothes. Strange.

usual · 17/10/2016 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 17:35

Hopefully not, we'll see

OP posts:
milkyface · 17/10/2016 17:36

Hm, how do you dry everything else? Washing line?

Do you not wear jeans?

I'm focusing too much on the jeans but maybe you could get a heated airer or something to dry clothes and make life easier for yourself as I know things can take a while to dry on normal airers and it's not aways the weather for a washing line!