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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with my DH?

15 replies

NotEnoughTime · 16/10/2016 10:35

Our DS (15) went to a party last night.

I took him to the party and my DH picked him up.

When they got home @11.30pm I thought that my DS's eyes looked a bit bloodshot, I then realised I could smell alcohol off him. As you can imagine I wasn't very happy about this. He told me that he had drunk half of a Kopparburg .cider. I must say he def wasn't drunk at all. We had a chat about it and then he went to bed. Obviously I would rather he didn't have any alcohol to drink but I'm realistic and know that he might try different types of alcohol and I would far rather him try lager/cider than "hard" spirits.

After our DS went to bed I spoke to my DH and asked him if he had not noticed the smell of booze from our DS and he said "Yes, as soon as he got in the car" but thought he would wait until we got home as he knew I would want to say something to him Confused

Now, I think that's unfair and a cop-out-surely as the DP picking him up it should have been down to DH to say something to DS? Why wait until they get home so I can be the bad guy? Angry

Your thoughts and opinions are most welcome on my DH not my DS please Grin

OP posts:
NoFuchsGiven · 16/10/2016 10:37

Would you have sill said something to your ds if your dh had already spoken to him?

He probably thought having half a can did not warrant being told off about it twice.

NoFuchsGiven · 16/10/2016 10:37

*still

MyGiddyUncle · 16/10/2016 10:38

I don't think he was bu. It's joint parenting surely. He knows you well enough to know that you'll want to say something to your ds and didn't want the kid to have a double ear bashing, which would be unnecessary.

Honestly, if they walked through the door and dh said on the quiet 'I've already spoken to him about the alcohol, no need to mention it' - would you have been happy to completely leave it?

myownprivateidaho · 16/10/2016 10:41

I don't think you get bloodshot eyes or stink of booze from drinking half a can of cider! I also don't think that's how much 15 year old lads drink at parties.

If your DH has form for copping out maybe he did just hope you'd deal with it. But maybe he just thought it was a conversation that would be better had in the cold light of day, didn't want to have it while driving etc. You're in a better position to judge your DH's motives than us!

YouTheCat · 16/10/2016 10:42

Half a can of cider at 15 is hardly worth the Spanish inquisition.

Many kids of that age will be swigging vodka.

He had a small amount to drink, wasn't drunk and was being incredibly sensible for a 15 year old imo. Make alcohol taboo and watch him getting paralytic once he turns 18.

I'd not be getting cross. I'd be praising your ds for his sensible attitude to drinking.

Meadows76 · 16/10/2016 10:49

Bloodshot eyes and a noticeable smell as soon as he got into the car indicates much more than half a cider!! I don't think you're ur DH did anything wrong TBH, if there were me I would prefer mine waited until they were home for it to be dealt with.

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 16/10/2016 10:54

Thanks for the replies so far.

Yes, my DH has form for leaving all the "crappy" parenting decisions to me. I'm always the default parent when we are at home ie "MUM, what's for lunch?" "MUM, where's my pe kit?" etc etc and now I feel that I am having to parent when I'm not even in the situation!

myownprivate In his defence I get bloodshot eyes and stink of alcohol after ONE small glass of wine so maybe he takes after me Grin

YouTheCat Like I said me and DS had a conversation about it (maybe 5 minutes?) hardly the Spanish Inquisition! I guess you must have/had teenagers as I've got friends with younger DC who are horrified that I even let him go to parties or have 1 drop of alcohol!

OP posts:
Bruce02 · 16/10/2016 10:55

My dad would have done this. Because regardless mum would have said something anyway. He didn't think coming home not drunk was worth two 'talkings to'

Mum would complain that he didn't step in, but would still insist on doing it anyway. So what was the point?

It really depends wether he is letting you do the hard stuff or knows you will insist on saying something as well.

Bruce02 · 16/10/2016 10:55

Sorry cross post

YouTheCat · 16/10/2016 10:57

My kids are adults now. Ds doesn't drink at all and dd has the odd drink and doesn't binge like quite a lot of her friends do.

I had a very relaxed policy towards alcohol during the teen years.

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 16/10/2016 11:03

Bruce02
I think it's because he wants me to do the "hard stuff" but he would say that isn't the case so I'm not sure.

YouTheCat
I thought you had been through this as you can often guess how old peoples DC are from their responses to teenage drinking. I really hope my DC grow up with a sensible attitude to booze like yours have. Unfortunately there is a lot of alcoholism in our family so I find it hard to be balanced re booze Sad

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 16/10/2016 11:08

Their dad has alcohol issues, so I totally get where you are coming from with this.

All I'd say is don't stigmatise it.

ZuleikaDobson · 16/10/2016 11:09

YANBU. It's not fair to leave the discipline to you. At the very least he should have ensured that he was there and supporting you when you had the discussion with your DS.

Jaxhog · 16/10/2016 11:09

Maybe he was worried about having a row in the car, where it could be dangerous?

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 16/10/2016 11:16

Zuleika
You've hit the nail on the head-that's exactly how I feel.

Jaxhog
That's true-I didn't think of that.

YouTheCat
Then you have done really well-fair play to you.

OP posts:
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