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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think she shouldn't charge me...

31 replies

Namechange543210 · 14/10/2016 15:25

Now, I am well prepared to be told I'm wrong I just want an outside opinion.

Backstory: Friend of a friend and their partner, I do a lot for these two - much much less than I did these days but still more than most would. I've lent them money which is rarely paid back, bought essentials when they have no cash and given them lifts cross country. The last time I told them I wouldn't go without the money first. This was done but begrudingly so.

She has recently started doing beauty treatments from home and I've asked how much for something specific, its small and to be fair I could do it myself I'd just rather not. She has quoted me an amount.

honestly, i was slightly surprised. I know I asked for a price but I was expecting that it would be a case of her saying not to be silly. AIBU?

OP posts:
littlepippip · 14/10/2016 15:30

No I don't think you are, but hopefully you won't help them out in the future - they don't sound very nice.

ZoeWashburne · 14/10/2016 15:31

Well, it seems like she is skint and is trying to make money. Are you sure that you aren't getting a discounted rate? She may be giving you the materials rate.

Also, if she isn't someone you would describe as a friend, why are you loaning them money and giving them rides?

I don't think it is unreasonable to charge you since you asked, but I think these people are just morons that you don't need in your life.

SistersOfPercy · 14/10/2016 15:33

YANBU but I discovered long ago people are weird.

Had a similar situation helping a friend out massively when his Dad had died. Kept his business running for a week whilst he was at home with his Mother. A few months later DH asked him to print something for him as he had an AO printer. He charged him a tenner. Actual cost wouldn't have been more than £2. Never done a thing for him again.

These are the people you drop like hot stones.

harderandharder2breathe · 14/10/2016 15:37

Yanbu but then if she's that skint then maybe she can't afford freebies?

Never do more for anyone than you feel comfortable with not being repaid (effort or cash both)

Original poster
Namechange543210 · 14/10/2016 15:37

It wont cost anything but time as supplying everything myself

@littlepippip I do a hell of a lot less than I used to and try to avoid them these days

OP posts:
carabos · 14/10/2016 15:43

A work associate (I'm a freelance and we're also friends socially) asked me to do a workshop for one of her clients. I have developed this workshop myself and normally charge a fee of £500 to deliver it. I couldn't do the date she needed me, so because she was a mate and we've collaborated before, I gave her the materials and spent some time with her walking her through how to deliver it - not ideal, but at least it was something.

Some time later I asked her to print me a supply of my business cards. She sent me an invoice for £20-odd which I ignored. She chased for it. And chased for it. I paid her and told her exactly why I thought she had a cheek billing me in the first place and why we wouldn't be working together again.

SuperFlyHigh · 14/10/2016 15:44

they are takers/users... so of course she would charge!

rollinghedgehog · 14/10/2016 15:44

I don't think YABU but I'm not sure she is either. It sounds like they are strapped for cash and maybe they think you are doing your usual nice helpful thing by supporting her new business? She is probably desparate for customers and not even thinking that you she might owe you a little something on the house.

Laiste · 14/10/2016 15:45

''Never a lender nor a borrower be''.

Sorry to quote my dad at you OP, but i've been stung in the past and recently DH has too through lending. (Money in my case and work equipment in DHs).

My dad's words rung in my head on both occasions! They are words to live by.

pinkyredrose · 14/10/2016 15:46

Tell her to take it out of the money she owes you.

DeepfriedPizza · 14/10/2016 15:50

People are weird. I have been friends with someone for 27 years. We were upgrading our tv and had a fairly modern 32 inch flat screen, we were going to sell it on fb but thought we would offer it to friends first. We would have charged acquaintances but the old friend wanted it so I didn't charge.

Friend then was moving house and was getting rid of bbq and asked if I wanted it. They brought it round and charged me £12 for the gas left in the bottle

HerOtherHalf · 14/10/2016 15:58

Better of out of it. They sound like users and if she did give you a freebie it would just make her feel morally entitled to take advantage of you again and you'd feel less justified in declining. You've distanced yourself, don't get drawn back in for the sake of a cheap waxing or whatever it is.

Original poster
Namechange543210 · 14/10/2016 16:00

you've all made me feel a lot better! I thought I was going to get flamed!!

OP posts:
Benedikte2 · 14/10/2016 16:03

Front door catch got stuck and wouldn't lock one day when I was home alone. Knew family members out for day could fix it but wanted to be able to close door in the meantime. Asked friend 2 doors away (locksmith) if he could fix it because I was nervous every with the door stuck open. He got door to shut but said it needed a new lock. Later found he'd put an invoice through the letterbox for £20. Works from home so wasn't on a job at the time and took less than 3 minutes with a screwdriver.
But then if I can help anyone with my skills Im happy to do so if it doesn't cost me, so expect others to do the same is obviously a mistake.

EweAreHere · 14/10/2016 16:07

Suggest she take it out of the money she owes you, from the many times she's failed to pay you back as promised, or don't ever do another thing for her. And tell her why.

She sounds like a taker. You don't need those people in your life. They're not nice!

ZoeWashburne · 14/10/2016 16:17

I know this is a completely different situation (and your mates sound like idiots that you should not hang around anymore), but it can be taken to the extreme the other way too. I have 2 friends, one a baker and the other a photographer. The number of 'friends' that ask them as wedding presents to bake them cakes or do all the wedding photos is insane!

It drives them crazy because it basically means that neither of them can enjoy the wedding as they have to work all day. My baker friend would actually lose money, because she only has a few cake decorating stations in her bakery. So by baking a cake for fringe friends, she loses at least £500 in other business.

Also, my photographer friend said she also loses money, because if she is taking a saturday off to go to your wedding, she is usually booked solid all Saturdays. So she is losing £1200-£2000 to work 10 hours straight at your wedding.

Now if they offer for a close friend, that is different, but as soon as people hear what they do, they get a bloody cheek and ask them as a "wedding gift".

foursillybeans · 14/10/2016 16:20

These kind of threads baffle me a bit. If you expect a freebie and perhaps rightly so, why don't you ask for it at the start? "I know you are doing beauty treatments and I wondered if I could have a favour and you could do x,y,z treatment for me for free?" - that sort of thing. It's easier than awkwardness afterwards.

foursillybeans · 14/10/2016 16:25

Zoe that is awful isn't it. I have seen that happen. As if you are going to be giving £500-£1000 gifts to people. It is a really cheeky ask. My DH is in a business where he is asked for mates rates often. He just does not do them at all now. It just gets taken advantage off. We don't expect or request mates rates either. We pay the standard price for any work done by friends as that is their salary. To deprive people of their hard earnt income is not very friendly at all.

Ghostqueen · 14/10/2016 16:26

If they don't tell you the cost upfront then can they still charge you?

Original poster
Namechange543210 · 14/10/2016 16:29

FourSillyBeans
I'm not very good at being upfront and asking, i sort of just assume everyone else thinks in a similar fashion

or saying no which is how I'm in this mess

OP posts:
Cocklodger · 14/10/2016 16:29

I'm going to say YABU.
You asked for a price- in her situation I'd assume you were trying to support my new job.
Had you asked for a favor and she'd said no I'd say YANBU.
In her shoes I'd offer but I could see why she wouldn't take it that way

KarmaNoMore · 14/10/2016 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MackerelOfFact · 14/10/2016 16:37

YANBU, but perhaps helping her out by using her business is a better way of helping her than buying her stuff and bailing her out. At least then you're getting something in return, and she's having to take a bit of responsibility. To be fair to her, a lot of these sorts of businesses rely on friends and family as customers in the beginning, and they can't do everyone for free.

As I say though, YANBU. I would have cut ties long ago, I think!

blueskyinmarch · 14/10/2016 16:47

I think YABU. She is staring a business and you asked for a price - so she gave you one. I can’t see what your friend has done wrong. She is trying to make a living. I don’t think what you have done for her previously comes into it at all.

rookiemere · 14/10/2016 16:51

Some people just don't get how quid pro quo works.

I think you charging her for the very last occasion means in her mind you're even.

I wouldn't pay for and use her services and I'd withdraw the offer of yours. I would also not tell her why unless she asks, in which case you can say you were hurt that she was charging full rates as you've done so much for her in the past.

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