To think he should have stepped up

[Highlandfling80]

I am a Sah to 3 DC. 12 10 and 4. Dh used to work long hours so I pretty much did everything during the week. Now his commute has reduced but TBH he hasn't really changed. Normally this is a bit annoying but Ik as I get abut of a break when Dd3 is at nursery.
However Dd 2 is looking at secondary schools. There have been several open evenings to go to. Dh has come home from work early so I can go with Dd2.,All good. However, he hasn't really done anything bar play with Dd3 whilst I am out.
It came to a head yesterday when I left just after dinner had finished. I came home to all the pots left exactly where I left them. Dd3 in daytime clothes and a dirty nappy.
Ainu to expect him to do something when I am out?
Tbf he does know I am pissed off as he was around for morning school run and did actually assist for once.
I think deep down though he believes house and kids are my job as he works outside if the home. Should I just accept this?

Does he know what the routine is?

He knows pots don't wash themselves. Well hopefully and that nappies need changing.
I didn't expect Dd3 to be tucked up in bed but loading the dishwasher or changing a pull up isn't rocket science

Know the routine? Surely it's common bloody sense to wash up & change your child's dirty nappy? He's a grown man not a teenager babysitting for the first time.

Does he know the routine ?

Hahaha haha.

The routine???
Give me a break. Who tells the op the routine? Surely changing a dirty nappy does not need an instructional manual.
I would be fuming

I had a man like that. He's an ex.

We don't even really have a hard and fast routine. Dd3 had had to fit in with after-school clubs etc

During his working hours and comments, I think it's reasonable that you look after the kids.

Outside of that time, you shoudl share it 50:50

commute not comment

How is washing a couple of dishes/loading the dishwasher and changing a baby's nappy a routine? Ffs it's common sense (and courtesy!) I'd not be happy if I came home to that OP. I don't expect everything done, but if I'm out I expect the basics to be done when I get in, I don't want to walk in to a load of stuff that needs doing, just as I make sure he doesn't come home to a list of chores.

YANBU. WTAF? He let his own child sit in a dirty nappy? No, you don't just accept it. Time to be having words. MN's become full of women together with men who truly see their partners are domestic appliances.

Tbf the nappy was probably quite recent so it could have been missed. But he knew I had to rush out the door so I feel sorting the kitchen is a minimum.

Yeah, it's a minimum.

How did the dishes get washed in the end? Did you do them?

He grudgingly did them. Well loaded what would fit in dishwasher

My dh will do loads of jobs but it does have to be pointed out to him. He's not here ask day every day so I don't think he thinks about what needs doing.

Our son is used to me doing housework during the day and not always having my 100% attention. He expects 100% of his dad's attention as soon as he gets home because that's what he's used to. Dh finds it much harder to get on with jobs at home because of this (I've witnessed this, not just what he says!)

If he's not doing it then tell him. Yes you shouldn't have to bit your married to him and by sound of it he's not magically going.to Stert doing things by himself

Blood phone typo