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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DC sick, at home, with 2 working parents...AIBU?

23 replies

Pukka1983 · 04/10/2016 14:51

Dear All,

This is my first message on mumsnet! :) …and my question is, of course, AIBU?

My DP and I both work from home.
Our DC is 1 year old and generally goes to the nursery. In the last 3 days he has been sick and stayed home.
On Sunday I told DP that I need to focus on trainings and works to be done (I am now returned at work after 1 year of MAT leave) so I can’t be with DC.
On Monday, DP had some important works to do and the results has been that DC has been in our office room with us. DP and I of course could not work properly. DC is 1 year old, he needs our attentions. So I repeated the message to DP!
Today DP continued to keep DC in our office room. I was infuriated as I was trying to do an assessment and had also my manager calling me every 10 minutes for an urgency…
So I told again the message and I have been told that I am selfish, that I only think to myself and that there is no more to discuss.
AIBU to ask him to take some hours off to follow our DC? I have just now returned, after 1 year…I also guess that it is a right of mine to work!

Please be honest and direct, I am ready!

Sorry for any mistake, but I am not English and still learning.
Thanks

OP posts:

DerekSprechenZeDick · 04/10/2016 14:53

Just take it in turns to watch the kid while the other does some work

DerekSprechenZeDick · 04/10/2016 14:54

Midwife is coming out to see me at home Monday.. not much she can do there

DerekSprechenZeDick · 04/10/2016 14:54

Ffs. Wrong thread.

Gazelda · 04/10/2016 14:56

Surely you both need to take turns looking after DC outside the office? Do either of you work flexible hours, is it possible for one of you to work early morning/evening? You and DP should ideally be sharing the childcare 50/50, and definitely away from the office. Do you have any family that can help? Or can one of you take annual leave for a day or 2?

pitterpatterrain · 04/10/2016 14:56

We both balance illness of DC. It has to be give and take. Perhaps you need to discuss how you are going to manage these situations as they crop up.

We don't have the WFH problem but sometimes it means that one of us essentially gets rid of all their day meetings except those which can be done informally with an ill child in the background, sometimes it means we calendar align so that both WFH and we can each attend a slimmed down calendar of key meetings.

Another time we have gone down the route of emergency nanny (yes certainly not cheap) because we both couldn't flex anything in our day.

phillipp · 04/10/2016 15:06

You need to take turns. Do takes him for a few hours and then you take him for a few hours. Or an hour at a time.

I don't think that the fact that you have just returned from mat leave automatically means dp shouldn't do any work and do all the child care.

jollyjapes · 04/10/2016 15:07

Yes taking turns is the only way. I'm home today because DD is sick. Bit of a nightmare timing but DH did yesterday.course!)

NerrSnerr · 04/10/2016 15:08

I agree that you have to take it in turns. We both work out of the home but we take it in turns to take time off when our daughter is poorly.

FleurThomas · 04/10/2016 15:14

I work from home and when I go to work I have a 4 hour commute. I have my neice with me permanently (have done since she was a baby) & the one thing you must remember is that wfh (if you're working for someone else) is a privilege that will be taken away if they find you doing things like this. If DC are unwell you take the day off and look after them, you don't pretend to work while actually doing childcare. Attitudes like yours are the reason why employers are so hesitant about wfh.

FleurThomas · 04/10/2016 15:16

Also as you just came off mat leave your employer will be more flexible with you. So if you can't cope with all the training let them know and they'll give you a dev plan.

Oblomov16 · 04/10/2016 15:17

You need to sit down and talk about this and decide on a back up plan for what you are both going to do when children are ill, because they will be for years to come!

ChocChocPorridge · 04/10/2016 15:19

That's rather unfair Fleur - OP is the one saying that their 1 year old can't be in the office with them - it's the attitude of her DP that's the problem.

As she's said, she's just had a year off work, surely it's his turn to do a bit now?

DoinItFine · 04/10/2016 15:22

Also as you just came off mat leave your employer will be more flexible with you.

Lol

Thatsmeinthecorner2016 · 04/10/2016 15:24

Take turns.

phillipp · 04/10/2016 15:27

Employers do not become super flexibale because you are just back if mat leave.

But then employers don't become super flexible because your partner has just returned from mat leave either.

If both parents work, they need to take turns. It shouldn't all fall to the Op nor should it all fall to the dp.

You need to talk these things out, see what each person has on, what can be moved and work together.

Olympiathequeen · 04/10/2016 15:34

Take 2 hourly turns to care for your child and leave the other to work in peace. Neither work commitment trumps the other.

madein1995 · 04/10/2016 15:36

You need to take turns. Neither of your work is more important than the others' so it shouldn't be just 1 persons responsibility

OlennasWimple · 04/10/2016 15:37

Agree, you need to take turns to look after poorly DC. And if he goes to sleep for a bit, you can both work then.

BestZebbie · 04/10/2016 15:38

YANBU to expect your DH to take the child away from the office space you are trying to work in, during times when he is doing childcare and you are doing work.

YABU to assume that you should get to work all three days and he should do all the childcare - you need to take it in turns to do a block of two or three hours childcare while the other one works, then swap. To get in all your WFH hours for both of you, this might have to be all that you both do all day, from when you get up until when you both finally go to bed.

Idliketobeabutterfly · 04/10/2016 15:50

I'd take turns. From what I can your pushing it all on him which is unfair.

Stillunexpected · 04/10/2016 15:54

If you both work from home, it suggests that there is some flexibility in your hours i.e. you could do some work early or late? If that is so, then you need to both do some unsocial hours working for these few days and split the remainder of the time during the working day between you. You can't work with a sick one year old in your office space! Not sure what your DH is trying to achieve there as the end result is neither of you getting anything done. Your DH needs to take on board that you are both parents to your child and equally responsible for your DS. If you don't sort this out now you are going to have all kinds of problems later on when every illness and absence becomes your problem by default.

MammouthTask · 04/10/2016 16:24

Yep. As the others, you need to talk.
You also need to establish urgencies in your respective works.
If you are just back from ML and working from home, chances are that yr employers won't see you taking time off or doing half a job very well.
Your DP might have some really important stuff to do too.

So you need to establish what will happen if DC is ill, starting from the PoV that one of y will have to take some time off and/or work different hours.
Taking it in turns sounds a really nice idea and fair TBH.

You need to treat yr work from home as of it was work out of home. If your DC is ill don't expect anyone to be able look after him and work, unless he is so ill that he is sleeping all the time.

I do have an issue with his 'there is no more to discuss'. There is plenty actually to discuss and agree.
But I can see why he thought your attitude was selfish. Your work doesn't matter more than his. They are both as important and need to be treated as such.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/10/2016 17:06

It is hard to work from home if have an ill toddler and practically impossible to actually work and concretate

You either both take turns in looking after your child

Or you get a temp nanny in

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