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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want a lie in?

11 replies

user1474803393 · 30/09/2016 18:27

So we have a beautiful DD 21mo. I was on maternity until she was 6mo then went back to work Part time. DH works full time. Because of this (and the fact that I have always done it even before DD) I do pretty much all the washing, cleaning, shopping, cooking, decorating, gardening and finances. He will on the odd occasion put a load of washing on but I don't hold my breath.

I don't mind this because I like the days off we have together to be family time and make the most of them. However DH seems to think it's a rest day, he wants to watch play on video games, catch up with friends and match of the day! etc... and leaves me doing everything with our DD.

This has led to a number of arguments - me starting it - because I don't want him to miss out. I'd love him to want to do bath time and bed time routine, but because he never does she refuses to go to sleep when he does it so he just leaves it to me.

There is also one other big bug bear I have that I've never had a lie in. Not one! I'm usually the one who gets up with DD, if I'm being really mardy and I try to spend the 10 minutes waking him up to try and get a lie in, by the time he's up I'm awake anywho so I spend an hour doing finances etc.. instead. I've mentioned it a few times and on my birthday said it would be nice just once if you could even like set an alarm so your awake and can just take her before I wake up... he said that was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard!

Is it? AIBU?

OP posts:
melibu84 · 30/09/2016 18:30

YANBU, he should be more involved. i'm sorry, but he sounds a bit selfish, and he doesn't act as if he wants to spend any time with your DD :( One of my friends has a partner like that, and we're all half convinced he didn't want a kid, even though their son was planned.

confusedandemployed · 30/09/2016 18:32

No YANBU. I remember when DD was a few months old I realised I was doing all the mornings - kinda fell into it as I'm a lark and DH is night owl. I told him that I really needed at least one lie in each fortnight. He agreed and it quickly became once a week, which was enough for me.

DH is a very hand on fathere though so perhaps yours isn't so willing. ..

Seekingadvice123 · 30/09/2016 18:34

I would be booking myself a night in a nice hotel. Not helpful long term I know but might force the issue.

TheSparrowhawk · 30/09/2016 18:36

He said the fact that you wanted him to spend an hour in the morning looking after his own child was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard? Is he a total idiot?

confusedandemployed · 30/09/2016 18:38

I also have a friend with a very selfish DP. He has been known to spend all Sunday in bed with a hangover - Despite the fact that they were both out, he seemed to think his recovery was more important than my friends Angry

She hasn't called him out on it and IME is headed for quite a hard and lonely life. Don't be the same Flowers

MarklahMarklah · 30/09/2016 18:40

He's being selfish.
You're doing ALL the housework and working and raising the child. What (other than finances) is he contributing?

RumAppleGinger · 30/09/2016 18:45

Not a fucking chance! YANBU and the fact you have to ask for it as birthday present and he still denies it is a fucking piss take.

I work three days, DH five. We're both off weekends. On my days off as well as doing school run I look after DS2 and do all the washing, ironing, cleaning, meal planning, food shop etc which means weekends are free time for both of us. DH gets a lie in Saturday, I get a lie in Sunday. I wouldn't be able to cope if I didn't get some time to sleep.

Oysterbabe · 30/09/2016 19:28

YANBU. DH and I have a 9 month old, I'm on maternity leave. He doesn't leave for work until 9 and he gets up with her about 3 times a week so I can have a lie in for a couple of hours. He also does the odd night feed. He has an easy job and just dicks about at a desk all day drinking tea whereas I barely get 5 minutes peace so why shouldn't he?

Trumpette · 30/09/2016 20:18

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

However, that said we never lie in and have given up on it! Sometimes I would get up, sometimes husband however we never lie in just got used to being tired.

It has got easier as kids are older now but never expected to be able to lie in and went to bed earlier. Sorry it's probably not what you want to hear but it's our situation. X

eggyface · 30/09/2016 21:51

How on earth do you think that's fair? I'm astonished you've got this far without making it very clear it's not acceptable for you to do all the housework and childcare 24/7. But you said you did it all before children came along so you've unfortunately got into a rut. What would happen if you said you needed things dramatically to change? A classic mumsnet comment in this situation is "you'll have to get up in the morning on the days when you have the baby EOW after I've left you for being a selfish git"

JellyBelli · 30/09/2016 21:55

Its not just that YANBU, its also sad that he doesnt think you should be able to discuss things with him.
'Ridiculous' is not a discussion, its an end to one.

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