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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have said I'm busy when I'm not?

22 replies

Rewardgivenforwine · 23/09/2016 16:13

A family member needed a sitter for her ds this weekend as she is going away with her friends. I offered to have him but she declined as her db was going to have him overnight on Friday and asked if I could take him out on Saturday I agreed, she messaged me this morning saying db had let her down and would I still be to have her ds for the weekend. As I was about to reply yes she sent me another message saying " please don't let your ds scare him" which pissed me off as they get on very well together.

He is 4 my ds is 5 and she is very pfb, and tbh it's quite fucking annoying she lets him get away with murder and has babied him to a point of when he is rude she brushes it of as nothing. He is scared of his own shadow running water and she's up the school nearly everyday complaining about some child who took a toy off him.
Even though She has helped me out when I've needed a sitter and I do feel bad for saying no and lying was I bu by telling her I cannot have him now as I've got plans?

OP posts:

nancyblackett80 · 23/09/2016 16:19

Good grief no, don't put yourself in the position of having to defend your son.

Equally why would you leave your DS with someone who doesn't think he's nice enough to their child?

Jinxxx · 23/09/2016 16:22

Say sorry but my son finds him whingey and a bit tedious.

GabsAlot · 23/09/2016 16:22

sounds like a precious snowflake

ont bother she'll prob only hav a go at u for something

Jinxxx · 23/09/2016 16:23

Oh just reread - you've already told her your busy, so nothing else to be said.

myownprivateidaho · 23/09/2016 16:27

No of course you're not obliged to babysit if you don't want. And she went about raising her concerns very badly. But honestly, you sound a bit precious yourself, assuming that she is just making it up and your dc couldn't have done anything to scare the other one (which is obviously not incompatible with them getting on well together). They're very young kids, neither of them will behave perfectly, and your disapproving of her parenting doesn't mean that your ds has behaved perfectly.

MrsHulk · 23/09/2016 16:34

Well yanbu, if you don't want to babysit you don't have to.

But I don't think that babying a child makes them scared of running water etc - some children are just more sensitive/anxious than others. At that age he may have undiagnosed sensory issues which can cause significant anxiety.

Unless you're actually monitoring every second, you don't know whether your child has ever scared her child (deliberately or otherwise).

She was a bit clumsy about it, but she's just expressing concern for her child and acknowledging that he gets scared. Am sure if you had an anxious child you'd do the same.

Original poster

Rewardgivenforwine · 23/09/2016 16:37

myown I'm not saying my ds is perfect, far from it my ds is very much into bugs and dinosaurs and ds roaring like a dinosaur scares him. when they are playing together it's all fine but when he gets home she puts ideas into his head.
for instance she will ask if he's had a nice day and he will reply " yes wines ds and I were playing dinosaurs and he was roaring" her reply "oh that must have been scary I'll tell him not to do it anymore" it may sound silly but I've seen her do it after he has been with other children and it honestly annoys me.

OP posts:

HereIAm20 · 23/09/2016 16:41

Well done for saying no rather than feeling obliged and then suffering. drink lots of wine, watch Strictly and enjoy yourself!

If you ever find yourself having to babysit him another time let him watch Friday 13th!

youarenotkiddingme · 23/09/2016 16:51

Can you just reply that if your DS is scary why would she want her DS to spend the night at yours?

I'd love to her her reply to that

Original poster

Rewardgivenforwine · 23/09/2016 16:51

Haha, I wouldn't dare.

I'm not trying to make out she's a bad mum for loving and protecting her child that's what we do as parents, but she needs to catch a grip.
There are no sn issues at all and if he does have anxiety, she is the one making him like it.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 23/09/2016 16:54

Even though She has helped me out when I've needed a sitter and I do feel bad for saying no and lying was I bu by telling her I cannot have him now as I've got plans?

Let's hope you don't need help in the future then.

InMyOwnWorld · 23/09/2016 17:00

my rule of thumb:
When you are saying 'yes' to somebody, make sure you are not saying 'no' to yourself.

I live by this!

RabbitSaysWoof · 23/09/2016 17:03

Say sorry but my son finds him whingey and a bit tedious.
That's brilliant say that.

myownprivateidaho · 23/09/2016 17:20

Honestly I'd imagine she knows her own child better than you do. He might say the roaring was funny when you're there then cry about it at home. Why would you have a better insight into how scared her son is is than she does? Especially since you've observed that he is a fearful child (and I agree with mrshulk that this is unlikely to be the product of parenting). But obviously there's no need to babysit if you don't want to.

Original poster

Rewardgivenforwine · 23/09/2016 17:38

myown I gave that as an example, as I said I have seen and heard her put thoughts into his head.
I know him very well, obviously not as well as him mother but well enough for him to tell me he's scared.

OP posts:

Creampastry · 23/09/2016 17:50

Tell her you've made other arrangements!!!

DeathStare · 24/09/2016 05:50

I'd have told her that you could have him but that everything would be carrying on as it normally does and if she is worried her ds will be upset/scared by that she might be better finding someone else.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 24/09/2016 06:45

I think it's really off to let her down at the last minute. It's not like her being over-protective is a new thing - you knew that all along.

IJustAteTheKidsFoodAgain · 24/09/2016 06:56

Op isn't letting her down though, the mums Db has let her down, op was entitled to make arrangements between offering and being told she was not needed and now

cosmicglittergirl · 24/09/2016 07:16

Don't worry about it, enjoy your Saturday with your son.

Stevefromstevenage · 24/09/2016 07:23

^ absolutely this. My nephew was an extremely sensitive little soul. My SIL responded to him by being extra sensitive to his needs st that you age. Now he is still a caring soul but has grown up tough as old boots.

That said I think her comment on your son was thoughtless and unkind so I would have said the same as you.

Original poster

Rewardgivenforwine · 24/09/2016 22:10

whats I didn't let her down, I offered to have him and she declined (fair enough) her db let her down who I should have added is only 17 not unsurprising.

I was more than happy to have had him for the whole weekend as he has spent many weekends here, as have my dcs at hers.

As I said all dcs do get on together very well, of course they have their little arguments but that's how we was growing up. Her comment just pissed me off.

OP posts:

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