To think you can silence your phone

[CommunistLegoBloc]

...if you don't want to be disturbed. I texted my friend at 10pm last night. He has no children and is often up much later.

He sent me a rude response in the morning. He has told me he'd only just got to sleep, his partner had only just got to sleep after being upset about something, and I woke them up. I had literally no way of knowing any of that. Also, surely you just put your phone on silent / do not disturb! It's not rocket science. With Whatsapp groups and FB stuff happening all night, something is going to wake you up.

I'm quite upset because I work from home and he basically implied I didn't need to worry about getting up in the morning (I wish!) and was therefore selfish and inconsiderate. AIBU or is he?

Of course you can. And iPhones (and probably others too) ) have a do not disturb feature that you can set for your usual sleep times. He's being a tit.

I don't know anyone who texts after 9p, unless it's continuing a conversation.

Personally I wouldn't text anyone at 10pm.

Tbh, it's his phone. He can do what he wants with it. Perhaps he forgot.

I think both of you are being a bit unreasonable. You didn't mean to disturb him. sounds like he had a shit night and shouldn't have been shitty.

Hmmmm. Bit of both.

I have iPhone and as such can do DND but if someone desperately needs me for an emergency they can ring 3 times in rapid succession and it will override the DND.

However my mum has an old Nokia with barely a colour screen. It is on loud all night incase of an emergency. So I don't text her after 11.

Your friend is being a dick to send you a rude message effectively blaming you.
But on the flip side... Some people do find it rude to receive messages/calls after set hours

YANBU.
I always tell my Adult DD the same thing when she complains of being disturbed.

Even if you've got children staying elsewhere, the Police will knock on your door, if they are seriously ill, in hospital (if no-one can).

The thing is, he often messages me late etc. There are some people I probably wouldn't message late, although I still think that given how many general notifications smartphones receive, the easiest thing to do is silence it. He has an iPhone so it's simple to do!

I would never text someone after 9pm tbh.

I frequently have text conversations with people past 9pm. He is one of those people. It's not like ringing a landline, is it? A text can be ignored and a phone silenced.

If he frequently texts you after 10 then no, YANBU. He is BU.
Maybe his wife/gf got annoyed by it and he is taking that out on you.

No YANBU. Given the context He's being a knob.

YANBU. My DH has complained about this (I tell a lie, I complained to him that he didn't need his phone on loud during the night to ensure his dad texting about his Xbox woke us both up) but for some reason he didn't know about DND and hadn't considered putting his phone on aeroplane mode. Either would be fine - we have a landline as well as my mobile if he wasn't immediately contactable.

I have my DND on from 9pm-7am precisely because I don't want to have a conversation or text message back and forth after this time. If he doesn't he should set something up himself IMO. 10pm isn't that late, I assume he was having a bad night!

I turned on the quiet time function on my phone because several friends pissed me off waking me up with text messages.

Sadly my stupid phone still thinks it is ok to proudly notify me that it has completed its updates at 3am

I text people anytime. I'm generally in bed by 10pm anyway so it would never be that late.

Why would you take your phone to bed with you? Mine stays downstairs.

I think for safety reasons you are supposed to take it (an emergency in which the landline fails and you are trapped etc).

Texting at 3am is out of order. 10pm, not so much. He sounds a rude knob. Next time he texts you after 8pm, send one back saying he's ruined your night with text alert noises, that now you'll never be able to relax and sleep properly and that the light from your phone screen has given you a migraine. If he's allowed to overreact like a tit, do it back.

He's being a grump. Did you reply? I'd have stewed about it and probably done nothing.

Yanbu. I send and receive messages 24 hours a day. It's his responsibility to ensure he's not disturbed. Does he also make sure no one comments on his FB status' after 10?

YANBU

Sweet jesus what sort of ear-deafening klaxon must he have set up if the alert was so terribly disturbing?

I have various noises set on my phone, but even if they go off at night, at the very worst they may very slightly rouse me from a light doze (not enough to bother checking it though), but certainly not enough to wake me right up from full sleep and then cause me to rant at the sender the next morning! 9 times out of 10 I never hear it and wake up to see the message next morning, no bother.

(and fwiw, we go to bed pretty early by most peoples' standards) so it' snot uncommon to get messaged or texted after lights out)

He's a nob.

YANBU, a rude response was not necessary. However I only ever text my DB or BF after 9.30pm. I would wait until morning to text anyone else as it's just considerate.

Iphones and Samsungs can be set to silent and still keep the alarm notification. Might want to send him a userguide for his phone for xmas!

I take my phone to bed as I use it for my alarm. I pop dnd on it as soon I get into bed on whoever I don't want to be disturb funnily enough.

His wife went mad at him for waking him up, if she was upset maybe they'd had an argument to cause that and his phone disturbing her was the last straw. He knows it's his fault but can't admit it so is taking it out on you. He text you back whilst tired, grumpy and in the heat of the moment. Now he can't admit to being wrong about that either because...

he's a dick.

I agree, it's easy to put your phone on silent or do not disturb at night and I think on iPhones you can allow calls from favourites during DND. Maybe in future text him before 9pm though - perhaps he forgot to put the phone on silent.