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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be hurt by this or am I in the wrong?

13 replies

MissisBee · 12/09/2016 21:37

Sorry, this may be long..
Bit of background - dsis (30s) lives with parents. She and DM go on holidays together, dad does his own thing. Usually a beach holiday or something once a year.
DH and I usually do holidays just us and prefer to be more active. Last year we went to London for a few days with DM and dsis for her birthday.
This year we decided to invite the ILs on holiday with us. They haven't had a holiday for a few years and I don't think would have the confidence to go away by themselves (MIL has had health issues), also we enjoy the same type of holiday. We went to Cornwall for 2 weeks and had a lovely time.

So, got home for dsis to tell me that she and DM (read: dsis) are annoyed that we would choose to go on holiday with the ILs but not with them!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
MissisBee · 12/09/2016 21:41

Oops, the end of that disappeared!

Dsis apparently then doesn't count the London trip (her idea and considerably dearer than DH and I would do ourselves) as a holiday. Didn't realise I was choosing between different family members when we invited ILs on holiday, never mind that we wouldn't find something we'd all enjoy.

OP posts:
pictish · 12/09/2016 21:41

They are BU. However, I think you ought to delve a bit deeper into why they feel as they do...perhaps you can reassure them.

Original poster
MissisBee · 12/09/2016 21:55

Every so often dsis says we should go on holiday together. But it would end up being all things she wants to do and no one else would have a say. The idea or suggestion had never come up before, I always thought they were happy doing their own thing.

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FetchezLaVache · 12/09/2016 21:57

YANBU in the slightest. Your PILs wouldn't have got a holiday otherwise, whereas your DM and DSis get one every year. And what's the point of going on holiday with people who don't want the same thing out of a holiday as you do?

pictish · 12/09/2016 22:03

I think they're hurt by your seeming preference for your in-laws over them.
I think this can be sorted out over a bottle of wine and a frank chat.

Original poster
MissisBee · 12/09/2016 22:07

To be perfectly honest I wouldn't fancy going away with dsis, DM would be fine and I don't think she's as annoyed. Forgot to say, she and dsis missed their holiday this year as DM was unexpectedly ill. She is recovering well and they're already planning next year. I think it's somehow more that they perceive that we chose the ILs over them when that wasn't the case at all - we were going anyway and decided to invite them, we didn't sit and think "well who will we go with this year?"

OP posts:
ConvincingLiar · 12/09/2016 22:13

Invite your sister to a holiday (she wouldn't like) setting out an itinerary she wouldn't enjoy.

Original poster
MissisBee · 12/09/2016 22:25

If they'd come on our recent holiday she would have moaned about walking so much. However, my mum would have made sure DH and I would get a couple of days to ourselves, which didn't happen with the ILs. I do get on well with ILs (I know, unusual for mumsnet!) and they are easier to get along with than my family (even though we spent hours buying potatoes!)
I think dsis is bitter cos she missed her holiday - before we went she suggested I shouldn't go as it wasn't fair.

OP posts:
clam · 12/09/2016 22:26

perhaps you can reassure them.

Why should the OP reassure their hurt feelings? Have they cared about her feelings, all those years they've gone away without her?

pictish · 12/09/2016 22:27

She suggested you didn't go as it wasn't fair? Confused

HanYOLO · 12/09/2016 22:43

I think dsis is bitter cos she missed her holiday - before we went she suggested I shouldn't go as it wasn't fair.

I think that was her asking to be invited.

She didn't get a holiday because of your mum's illness and is sad about it. Does she have no-one else to go with?

(is she quite young still?)

altiara · 13/09/2016 00:30

DSis sounds like my 7 year old! And I tell him life is not fair Grin
For someone in their 30s, she should stop going on holiday every year with your DM- maybe DM would like to go away with DF for a change but can't upset the apple cart! There are options for her- she could go on holiday with a friend or singles holidays, or by herself!
That comment telling you not to go on holiday is really annoying me, I honestly would never go on holiday with someone like that, they will never look out for you SadAngry

Original poster
MissisBee · 13/09/2016 09:36

She didn't get a holiday because of your mum's illness and is sad about it. Does she have no-one else to go with?

This is a fair point, and quite true. Thanks for your perspective on this. DM really wouldn't prefer to go away with DF - his idea of a great holiday is to spend 10 days on a steam train!!

I've had a chat with her and explained we really weren't choosing the ILs over her and it is rubbish for them that they didn't get away. Think things are resolved but it has ended the holiday with a bit of a sour note.- she dies have form for childish, selfish behaviour.

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