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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that MILs tests are not routine?

20 replies

Marylou2 · 12/09/2016 19:51

84 year old MIL has seen her GP and has suddenly been booked in for a number of tests all within a week. She seems to have no idea why they have been scheduled but they include a mammogram and biopsy, an abdominal/pelvic CT scan and a colonoscopy. She is a difficult personality and has a lukewarm relationship with DH. He is happy to accept that these tests are routine but I can't see how they can be. I'm not asking anyone to speculate on why these tests have been ordered but it doesn't sound good does it? We live 200 miles away and she won't allow us to speak to her doctor.

OP posts:

5BlueHydrangea · 12/09/2016 19:55

Do you know anything about any symptoms? Weight loss? Is it private or NHS? Doesn't sound routine, especially given her age. It's a lot to put her through unless there is good reason.

Original poster

Marylou2 · 12/09/2016 20:07

We saw her 3 weeks ago. Some weight loss but not huge. Slight breathlessness but she has asthma. NHS so I think they must be expecting to find something. She also appears slightly confused which is unusual for her. I know that in a normal family we'd discuss it with MIL and her doctors but I can't see this happening. I would like to support her as much as I can though.

OP posts:

PirateFairy45 · 12/09/2016 20:12

It doesn't sound routine at all. If my nan suddenly has all these tests, within a week, I'd be worried.

Sounds as if they are looking for something.

halcyondays · 12/09/2016 20:16

If she has certain symptoms they would do tests but lots of people will be sent for them and they won't find anything wrong. They would want to rule out anything serious.

Does she eat well, weight loss could just be because she hasn't much appetite and doesn't eat enough or finds it hard to prepare food?

Veterinari · 12/09/2016 20:18

No not routine at all. I'd be concerned that they're possibly investigating cancer (sorry if that sounds blunt) Though other issues are possible too - what did she go to her GP for?

I suspect she's trying to shield you, or hasn't been given clear info herself (sometimes GPs just refer on)

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 12/09/2016 20:19

I'd speculate that they suspect a malignancy, though don't know where.

ConvincingLiar · 12/09/2016 20:19

I've only ever heard of biopsies to rule cancer in/out. I agree these aren't routine tests. Either she's reported something unusual or doctor has observed something unusual.

phillipp · 12/09/2016 20:21

Doesn't sound routine to me. I had a lump in my breast recently and had my tests within a week. All came back fine, but no biopsy.

But if she doesn't want anyone to fuss and dh is happy to accept what she said, then just leave it at that.

TattyDevine · 12/09/2016 20:23

Has she had blood tests that have come back non-routine, signifying anaemia or similar for instance, which as unusual in a post-menopausal woman, for instance?

Snapespeare · 12/09/2016 20:26

She's 84. She's 'difficult' and has a lukewarm relationship with her son.

She doesn't have to let anyone speak to her doctor. I'd just accept the inevitable and expect DH to be knocked sideways by grief.

Original poster

Marylou2 · 12/09/2016 20:30

That's interesting Tatty as she has had blood tests and I did wonder if they had shown some abnormality. Don't worry about sounding blunt Veterinari I appreciate your input and it's what I'm thinking too.

OP posts:

StillNoInspiration · 12/09/2016 20:32

OP YABU to think that in a normal family you would talk to MIL about this.

On a more serious note, the NHS has no money so they must be looking for something they have a good chance of finding.

Sara107 · 12/09/2016 20:45

This is not routine at all, and given the selection of tests sounds like they know or suspect cancer, possibly in multiple locations. Give her a call before she goes in for the procedures and tell her you'll be thinking of her, and if she needs anything to just let you know. Depending on her diagnosis she may feel differently about accepting support afterwards. Taking the 'it's nothing to worry about' approach may be her and her son's way of coping with a frightening situation. So just keep yourself available to both of them, but don't push where she doesn't want it.

Ginslinger · 12/09/2016 20:48

there seem to be a lot of tests being scheduled around a biopsy - it doesn't sound right

Original poster

Marylou2 · 12/09/2016 21:02

Thanks everyone. I think we need to visit her this weekend and offer emotional and practical support. I feel guilty as if it was my DM the entire family including DH would be rallying round and discussing the options endlessly.

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ohtheholidays · 12/09/2016 21:07

It sounds really hard OP but I would talk to your DH about this the tests aren't routine sadly.

None of us can say for definite but that does sound like they're looking for cancer.
I had all of the tests done apart from the mamogram/biopsy when I was being checked for cancer after some worrying symptoms and weight loss.

I hope your poor MIL gets the all clear from her tests.

ENormaSnob · 12/09/2016 21:34

Not routine.

The cancer pathway is 2 weeks iirc. Hence all being done very quickly.

gruber · 12/09/2016 21:39

Not routine at all. My grandfather had similar tests done very quickly about a year ago - my mother ended up being st the hospital every day for a week for different appointments, scans etc. I would suggest they have seen or heard something to suggest a significant growth (which is what they found with my grandfather). Everyone was very open and honest when my mother's asked, she knew what all tests were for etc so it may be that you or DH may find out if it's a possibility to accompany her at all?

Original poster

Marylou2 · 12/09/2016 21:56

Unfortunately not possible for us to accompany her this week as DH is abroad with work and I'm working and looking after DD. I'm going to call tomorrow to arrange to visit this week. BIL and SIL live nearby but their relationship with MIL is also strained. I think we're all going to have to pull together on this one though.

OP posts:

Original poster

Marylou2 · 12/09/2016 22:04

gruber I'm sorry about your grandfather's diagnosis but thank you for sharing your experience it's much appreciated. I think DH and BIL are going to have to step up in this situation as they are the only family MIL has however poor their relationship.

OP posts:

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