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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People staying when heavily pregnant

17 replies

positivity123 · 12/09/2016 10:16

My BIL has been living abroad with his family for a couple of years and they got back a couple of months ago. Due to various commitments we have only seen them once since they got back. I get on really well with BIL and SIL and they have 3 lovely kids under 7 years old. DH wants them to come and stay but I'll be 37 or 38 weeks pregnant with DC.
I feel OK at the moment but I'm starting to get more tired and I just don't want people staying in our house. AIBU? They would have to stay as they live to far to come for the day. DH is great and he would host, I wouldn't really be expected to do much but I wouldn't be able to go on walks to the park etc.
I also don't want DH to drink in case it kicks off early but then again I know the chances are slim as it's my first.

OP posts:

Sassypants82 · 12/09/2016 10:21

Could you rest while they're out & then be refreshed to have dinner together etc? Obviously each pregnancy is different but on my first, I was much better at 38 weeks than I expected to be. You could still have early nights & leave your husband to the bulk of the entertaining. It might be nice to see / host them before your little one arrives.

Yorkieheaven · 12/09/2016 10:21

Nope you are the pregnant one and it's your first baby so you need to concentrate on you.

It's not an emergency is it? Tell your dh you need to rest and you will have them stay after baby comes so they can be introduced.

Good luck with the birth.

Heirhelp · 12/09/2016 10:24

I was so tired at this point. All I managed was swim and eat. I slept. Remember baby could arrive when they are there and you don't want to have people in the house when you are in labour.

j0j080 · 12/09/2016 10:24

That would be a big no in our household, partly because if that had been my last pregnancy I would have had a 3 week old by that stage! The end of pregnancy is for resting, not hosting house guests.

DoubleCarrick · 12/09/2016 10:27

Are you able to make a decision closer to the time?

You're completely within your right to say that it's not a good time for visitors. You may have lots of energy, or you may have none.

I'm still deciding whether I want to host Christmas at 37 weeks or to travel two hours away to spend Christmas there. I think I might just make the decision a couple of weeks before!

Planty18 · 12/09/2016 10:27

Yanbu, it's your choice, is meetIng half way for a nice day out an option? You need to focus on your needs at this time but maybe just make the decision nearer the time when you know how you'll feel. With all of mine I've felt fine at that stage, even with twins but lots of people wouldn't by then, it depends on so many things.

wayway13 · 12/09/2016 10:49

Hell no YANBU!!!! I'm 36 weeks with my second. No one is coming near my house until Christmas. The next 4 weeks will be spent enjoying my PFB and resting.

Hosting 5 extra people is ridiculous. Despite what your DH says, you will be under pressure to cook, entertain etc. I don't know about you but I'm in bed by 8pm. Put your foot down. They can visit next year.

DavidPuddy · 12/09/2016 10:58

I had my brother and niece stay for a few nights at 38 weeks and it was ok. That was just two people though and I was pretty active right to the end of my pregnancy. I was just very clear on what my limits were each day. We are the ones living abroad, though, so I really appreciate each visit we get from family. I think it also made a difference it being my brother rather than a brother in law.

MoonriseKingdom · 12/09/2016 11:07

I'm 38 weeks and we hosted family for my 2 yr olds birthday yesterday. That was quite enough for me. I kept the work to a minimum with a load of ready made stuff from M+S but was still totally exhausted. (Also had to go to my bedroom for a little cry when my PILs were rattling on about Brexit - grrr). Couldn't have coped with anyone staying as too tired and hormonal. I would say no but may depend on how your pregnancy is progressing and how considerate your BIL is.

LittleLionMansMummy · 12/09/2016 11:08

That's a lot of house guests for that late in pregnancy even if your dh says he'll do everything. I'd be fine with a couple of people but 5, including 3 children, sounds mentally exhausting. From memory I felt reasonably good at that point as I'd started maternity leave and could rest plenty. But you never know how you'll feel and you could be exhausted and want time and space on your own to get all those little jobs done you won't have time to do when the baby arrives.

LittleLionMansMummy · 12/09/2016 11:11

Also, I'm currently 30 weeks and am very tired and hormonal (and snappy). It's my second and it's been fairly plain sailing till now, but my own family (dh and ds!) are now irritating me a bit and I spend a lot of my time apologising to them for being irrational.

JagerPlease · 12/09/2016 11:12

Perhaps better to have guests while pregnant than once the baby is here?

sixandoot · 12/09/2016 11:18

Some people find they develop quite a primal urge to not have any outsiders, even family members, in their home and space towards the end of pregnancy and/or soon after birth.

Artandco · 12/09/2016 11:21

If yor Dh will host it sounds fine. Presumably they will all go off to the park as you mention, and you then have a few hours to chill yourself and relax at home, or can go for shorter walks and walk back and leave them to to further

Original poster

positivity123 · 12/09/2016 11:55

Thanks guys. Think I'll leave it closer to the time and also be clear that if I'm tired I won't come out and play. I also just want to have a bit of time just me and DH but I get that he wants to see his brother.

OP posts:

AlMinzerAndHisPyramidOfDogs · 12/09/2016 12:35

Jesus Christ, why does it have to right up against your final few weeks pregnancy? What's the big panic? Could your DH not have gotten his shit together and had them round sooner?
I wouldn't be happy about this and would leave it lock, stock and barrel to him to host. 24 -7. Fuck that.
And your BIL and the wife should have enough sense to say no to a stay over so close to the birth.
Ffs - men!

NorseFrench · 13/09/2016 09:06

I agree with everything AlMinzer says, why does the visit have to be at the end of your pregnancy?
Personally, I think it's best to not have visitors in those last couple of weeks. You need that time to rest. I am actually really surprised that your BIL & SIL would agree to a visit given they have children & should remember what it's like in those last few weeks of pregnancy.
Also, please don't be lulled into the "it's my first so baby unlikely to come early" statement that everyone likes to tell you. My 1st arrived at 37wks & it was a complete shock. I wasn't prepared & the last thing I would've wanted was a family of 5 staying with us. Also, babies arriving at 37 or 38 weeks can sometimes be a little immature (for want of a better word) & come with a set of challenges which are easier to deal with if you don't have other distractions like visitors.

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