Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DC home alone

30 replies

WhisperingLoudly · 10/09/2016 15:21

Three DC. Older two (years 6 & 7) get left alone/together periodically. Only during the day and never for more than an hour.

Youngest DC is year 1 - AIBU to throw her into mix and leave oldest DC and youngest DC alone together for an hour or so?

OP posts:
Sootica · 10/09/2016 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

longdiling · 10/09/2016 15:23

I have similar aged kids, years 5,7 and 2. Elder two get left alone for short periods like yours but I would never leave the younger one. As responsible as the older 2 are I just don't think they're old enough to take on responsibility for their little sis. She is also pretty hard work and I couldn't be sure she'd behave herself or listen to them.

Lilaclily · 10/09/2016 15:24

Yes depends on the kids
Does your 5 year old listen to your 12 year old ?
Will the 12 year old just go on their phone and ignore 5 year old like mine would?!

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2016 15:25

So they're 11yrs old, 10yrs old and 5yrs old.

Is that right?

HeteronormativeHaybales · 10/09/2016 15:26

No, sorry. 10/11 and 11/12 is too young to have responsibility for a 5yo.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 10/09/2016 15:30

Oh misread - it's just the 11/12yo - doesn't change my view, though. Too young for that sort of responsibility.
i have an 11yo, a 9yo and a 1yo and won't be leaving the youngest with the older two until the eldest is at least 14/15, and that will depend entirely on all the dcs' dynamic and maturity.

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2016 15:36

There really is not enough info in the OP tbh.

ghostyslovesheep · 10/09/2016 15:40

mine are almost 14, 12 and almost 8 - I leave 14 + 8 alone for an hour or so - 12 and 14 alone for longer

12 and 8 - no more than 20 mins as 12 is a bit scatty and they tend to fight!

depends totally on the kids

FarAwayHills · 10/09/2016 15:49

I suppose it depends on lots of things. The ages and maturity of the kids, is the Y7 child just turned 11 or nearer 12, the dynamics of the kids, how far away from them will you be for the hour, are there others nearby they could call in an emergency?

Original poster
WhisperingLoudly · 10/09/2016 16:02

Eldest is 12 next month - she's pretty mature and responsible. The youngest mostly does what she's told. But she is only 5.

The eldest and youngest get on well and rarely argue. I wouldn't leave the three together because it shifts the dynamic and the older two fight - although I do still leave them alone together/let them go out together.

My concern is mainly that it's unfair to give the eldest the responsibility.

OP posts:
Glastonbury · 10/09/2016 17:30

Absolutely no way would I leave them. I wouldn't be happy leaving the Year 6 child either.

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2016 17:34

Is there a reason why you can't take your 5 year old with you?

mrsfuzzy · 10/09/2016 17:35

wouldn't be keen, there is a lot of responsilbility on young sholders, what happens if there is an accident whilst you are out [at home or with you] ? just saying...

Original poster
WhisperingLoudly · 10/09/2016 17:47

glastonbury you would leave a 3-week off twelve year old in their own for an hour?

worra no reason just thought it may be preferable to leave her at home rather than drag her out to shops/whatever.

I'm not necessarily planning on it just curious as to thoughts. Previously we've had live in childcare so I've never previously thought about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhisperingLoudly · 10/09/2016 17:47

mrsf that's what concerns me.

OP posts:
honeylulu · 10/09/2016 17:49

It might be ok depending on the 12 year old. But also think - you are not just leaving the younger sibling with the older one for company - the older one will be responsible and may have to do active care. So the older child should a) consent and b) be rewarded. You would have to pay a babysitter remember.
I often got a younger sibling dumped on me. I was not asked. I was not rewarded. I was told "you will do as you are told" even if i had to cancel my own plans. I hugely resented it. Children are only the responsibility of their parents. If you want someone else to help, you ought to play the game. My answer would be different about a 12 year old and 10 year old where they are basically just keeping each other company.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/09/2016 17:56

12yr yes for a few hours. Assume get to and from school alone

No to 10

No way to 5yr

Not fair to put that responsibility on a child as that is what. 12yr is - to look after their younger sibling

Leave 12yr and take other 2 or get a babysitter

Glastonbury · 10/09/2016 17:59

Yes but not a child still at primary school. I would never leave a child younger than secondary school age even for ten minutes with no adult supervision.

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2016 18:14

That's a bit OTT Glastonbury

You wouldn't leave an 11yr old for ten minutes with no adult supervision?

Glastonbury · 10/09/2016 18:27

No and I never did. My children are both at secondary school now.

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2016 18:33

So they've had to leap from never being responsible for themselves without an adult present, to getting themselves to and from senior school?

Topseyt · 10/09/2016 18:43

At what age would you leave them then, Glastonbury? 18?

I would leave mine from age 11 (year 7) onwards for an hour or so, in ever increasing amounts of time as I worked.

I never left 11 or 12 year olds in charge of a 5 year old sibling though. 5 year olds can be a bit challenging at the best of times.

Glastonbury · 10/09/2016 19:15

They get a lift to school as it's not on any bus routes. We share with another family.

From year 7 they both went to activities and on the bus to shopping with no issues.

I am a SAHM so they have never needed to be left alone but I would feel the same if I did work.

Natsku · 10/09/2016 19:18

I would if the oldest child was happy with the arrangement, not if they weren't - its one thing to be left alone, another to be left in charge.

SatansLittleHelper2 · 10/09/2016 19:19

Older 2 yes.

Not the 5 year old, it's unfair to put that sort of responsibility onto them. If the youngest had any sort of accident then they would feel they were to blame.

Swipe left for the next trending thread