Should I be bothered about presents?

[Creativemode]

It's my birthday this weekend and dh hasn't got me a proper present. He will no doubt give me a card and some flowers or chocolates, we are going out for a fancy meal of my choice and he's offered to get me anything I wanted from the shops on the day if I choose something.

To be honest there's absolutely nothing I need, so would only be getting something for the sake of it.

It's always the same, we never know what to get each other for birthdays or Christmas, so we end up just either telling each other what we want, for Christmas, we will buy something lovely for the house instead, so instead of buying each other presents we'd buy a new bed or TV something.

I suppose even though I don't need anything, there's a tiny bit of me that wonders what it would be like to have a surprise.

Are we really dull and unromantic?

I think he could up his game a bit. How long have you been together? Think that has a bearing on things

We've been together for 8 years.

OP, we scrapped 'surprises' for adults for b-days/Christmas a couple of years after we got together (16 years now) and it's such a relief.

Nice meal (home cooked or out), some nice chocolates, flowers & wine, the book of my choice and the posh underpants (!) of DH's choice is what we do year in year out. I highly recommend it.

What you wouldn't want a Mulberry handbag?

I think he should know you well enough to have a broad idea then OP after 8 years. YANBU

Nope, we're the same. DH hates 'surprises' so it's easier to just get him what he likes. I can never think of anything!
I don't care what others think, we're happy with it.

What you wouldn't want a Mulberry handbag?

If I wanted one then I would just buy one. We have totally shared money- it makes expensive gifts from one to another a bit pointless.

We're the same. I'm happy with it, if there's nothing you really want or need then buying expensive presents just for the sake of it is a waste. We tend to do cinema and meal out on birthdays, having the chance to go out child free means more to me than presents as we don't do it often otherwise - I'm sure a lot of people are like this too

It's the time that counts. Nice dinner, time together, special day - no presents. That's the best way. (IMO)

I wouldn't want a mulberry handbag or a surprise. It's my birthday in a couple of weeks, DP and I have been together for 25 years and I would be more than happy with a card, a meal out, and a token surprise of wine chocs gin etc.

If I wanted an expensive item I would want to research and choose it myself and once I have done that I might as well buy it myself as well.

We don't do presents unless we can think of something that we actually want. We buy ourselves anything we want and I hate getting things just for the sake of it. A meal out and a card is perfect.
DH and I have been living together for over 30 years and it's not always possible to come up with new ideas.

Trip to the theatre maybe.

If I wanted one then I would just buy one. We have totally shared money- it makes expensive gifts from one to another a bit pointless.

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I don't think it's pointless we have totally shared money but always buy one another gifts. We do generally drop hints and sometimes do say what we want, especially dh who often is after very specific items.

But I like a surprise, even if I have a rough idea.

At Christmas dh got me a MacBook Air. I've hankered after one for ages, but we have a laptop provided by Dh's work and it's always a good one and dh never uses it so mine really. But the MacBook was a coveted item for me, but seemed an extravagance to just go out and get one. But dh did go out and get me one, didn't tell me, and wrapped it as a gift. And I loved it.

Sometimes it's not about the money and who pays for what - it's the thought.

Now that doesn't have to be a big costly item.

We're the same. I don't want to waste money on something that is not right, or only half right. Better to choose it yourself and it be 100% perfect.

At Xmas we get main presents we choose ourselves and some token surprises but these surprises only total up to £20ish for the lot.

We usually treat ourselves to a weekend at a nice hotel, instead of presents. Our birthdays are close together, so we go for a weekend in between. We both prefer it to buying actual presents. Occasionally one of us will see something small that we think the other will like, so will buy it as an extra, but that doesn't happen every time.

OP, have you heard of the five languages of love? It sounds cheesy, but the idea is that people express their love in different ways. Presents are one of the five ways (the others are words, acts of service, touch and time together), but they're not one that either DH or I place importance on. So we sometimes get each other surprises (if we see something the other one would really like) but often don't - and we're both fine with that. Whereas someone else wouldn't be happy about that.

The point is that none of the ways of expressing love are 'wrong' - they're just different for different people.

im too much of a control freak to like presents or surprises. like orhers, we share finances, I just buy what I want. I also hate the word 'treat' or 'treat yourself'. so I dont tend to 'treat myself' to nice things, I just get them. I am obviously a miserable fucker :) (honestly im not!). I like events and time not things eg holidays, meals out, walk, canal cruise. not materialistic.

Presents are not supposed to be a need though presents are meant to something you like it doesnt have to be expensive buta nice suprise just for you is a nice feeling I think you just need to use your imagination a bit.

nowadays pretty much everything we buy for ourselves is a want not a need though, which is why presents are a bit pointless most of the time.

I have to stop myself buying DP gifts for Christmas and his birthday. His birthday is just over a week before Christmas so I always make a big fuss of having separate presents and celebrations. My other immediate family get their birthday presents wrapped in Christmas paper because I have it coming out of my ears but I never do for DP because as a child, his birthday present was always lumped with his Christmas present because the person had forgotten. His birthday cake was always the Christmas cake as well.

But I always go mad with presents. I love buying them. I don't expect the same in return but my DP is very good at choosing things I'd like.

OP, if you and your DP are happy with your setup, it doesn't matter.

Your birthday sounds perfect! Either ask DP to surprise you or try and be happy with what you have, you have the no stress birthdays. When people have expectations that are not met then it causes resentment, year upon year. I don't see the point!