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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wishing my son was still at primary...

15 replies

Cantusethatname · 07/09/2016 08:59

Last DS started secondary school yesterday and I feel so sad that his primary years and his childhood are over. I feel a bit sad for me as well, I'm not a primary mum any more. He looks too small in the secondary uniform and I'm worried he won't cope. I am really positive to him and encouraging, I would never say this to him - I just wish he had another year at primary. Anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:

BackforGood · 07/09/2016 23:13

I felt sad when my youngest left Primary - I had a lot of years invested in that place (eldest is 6 school yrs older than youngest). It's that 'end of an era' thing.

You get over it

DerekSprechenZeDick · 07/09/2016 23:15

His childhood is over. He's still a child

DerekSprechenZeDick · 07/09/2016 23:15

Isnt*

yumyumpoppycat · 07/09/2016 23:28

YANBU I am all over the place! One minute I am thinking hey its great he is starting secondary the next minute I am reminiscing about thomas the tank engine days My son has an august birthday and is quite small, so juat a few weeks later and he would still be in primary. Weirdly he isnt sad about moving on from primary and he is keen for more independence which is very sweet to see.

Whoamiwhatami · 07/09/2016 23:37

Parent g is about the time you have now and the future and not the past.

My dd has just started secondary, .my ds is almost 10, I don't mourn the baby years or the primary years I look to what they may do in the future.

nursepearl · 08/09/2016 03:38

I know exactly how you feel, my youngest is in year 6 and I'm already feeling sad thinking this is her last year in primary and basically my 'baby'. I know they have to grow up but I love the innocence of the primary age, when they get to secondary they lose that and become dreaded teenagers! It doesn't help that my eldest is starting college in a few days and really is growing up, I want them to stay little!

Yorkieheaven · 08/09/2016 05:43

Don't assume that as they get older they need you less. In my experience they need you more.

And then they have children of their own and they need help and support all over again and you get a munch baby to cuddle all over again.

Circle of life

nursepearl · 08/09/2016 08:26

Yorkie my mum has always said that too, she started all over again with me and my two

Caipora · 08/09/2016 08:37

They don't all become dreaded teenagers! My oldest is nearly 14, no grunts, no strops, nothing at all. He's just him, but bigger and with a deeper voice.

I don't get the angst about the teenage years. They are fun, we can chat and joke with our son. It's nice. The Thomas The Tank Engine years were innocent but a lot of the time they were mind numbing!

I do have a 4 year old though. Maybe I'll feel that pang when he turns 11.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 08/09/2016 09:30

Cai mine is just about to turn 16, and friends of mine with older children keep warning me that the difficult years are yet to come. Not all of them, obviously. Just enough to have snapped me out of my complacency

Op, imo by Y6 primary school is too small for them. Many - if not most - thrive in the bigger environment, with more to do and more opportunities. I observed that a lot of ds's mates (and indeed ds) got quite tubby towards the end of primary, but within a few months at secondary they were looking leaner and fitter, because they were busy and not cooped up in one classroom, with limited outside space (where they couldn't do much anyway for fear of hurting the little ones).

It's true that a lot of children struggle, but ime most are far happier at secondary than at primary. And no more fucking school gate politics, either.

Caipora · 08/09/2016 10:11

ComputerUserNotTrained I really agree with that. They outgrow primary before they finish. My dd is 10, she'll start in February (different country) at the moment her and her friends seem to be in limbo. They look too little to start the next stage but too big where they are now.

Even though here the teachers rotate the classrooms rather than the children, my DS and his friends got leaner too. The interaction with several subject teachers, the greater responsibility for their own learning, self discipline and going to school on their own either walking or by bike seemed to contribute to this. Plus the sport is more structured, real matches and games.

Within weeks they slot it and don't seem so little.

HarrietVane99 · 08/09/2016 10:21

I don't have children, but every year I think how small and new and shiny the new first years look when I see them in town or on the bus. By halfway through the year you can't tell which are new ones. (I recall that I had a growth spurt and grew a few inches in my first year of secondary.)

blueskyinmarch · 08/09/2016 10:24

My ‘baby’ is 18 and goes off to uni next week. I do not feel sad about this and have never felt sad about any stage of her childhood. Instead i feel proud that i have brought up an intelligent, thoughtful and independent young woman who is now about to make her way in the world. I never look back with sadness, only forward with happy anticipation.

nursepearl · 08/09/2016 12:03

I was being lighthearted about dreaded teenagers, my eldest is 16 and she's lovely too, we spend loads of time together, she helps me a lot and she's spent the summer working in her first job I'm very proud of her. I hope my youngest turns out the same.

LetitiaCropleysCookbook · 08/09/2016 12:13

My son has an august birthday and is quite small, so juat a few weeks later and he would still be in primary.

My son does too. He was 5 weeks prem ( apparently, but was 7lb 6oz, so I was never convinced that stacked up! ) with a due date in Sept. He says he can't imagine not being with his group of friends, and hates the thought that he could have been in the year below!

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