To walk away from crappy bedtime?

[AllMyFriendsAreWasted]

DS is 9 and getting him to bed is completely draining. He has to be asked, then told numerous times, he mucks around in the bathroom, when he gets in to bed he tries to turn it into mucking about eg dodging my kisses and bouncing around. If I turn to go he grabs hold of me or my clothes and won't let go.

Most evenings end up with me peeling his fingers off me and walking out and him shouting he hates me and I don't love him.

Wwyd? AIBU walking out (I do calmly tell him I don't like that behavior but I do love him on the way out). It's been like this for months and I'm at the end of my tether.

Have you tried telling him what needs to happen at bedtime earlier in the evening?

Wow! At nine I would have a comprehensive conversation about behaviour at bedtimes at another time, even calling a 'meeting' so he knows what is going to be discussed. Might take him out for a milkshake and agree what a great bedtime is for both of you, how you are going to measure it and what the rewards are for each great bedtime. My DCs always responded to positive rewards as well as sanctions - eg no telly time tomorrow. Hope you find a way as that sounds like a nightmare!

Tried a reward chart for good behaviour at bedtime?

Worked well for my eldest when he was an absolute nightmare at bedtime.

Tell me if you get anything to work please! My DS has been doing this since he was 7 and still no end in sight, now aged 11.
Excuses about why he can't go to sleep, mysterious night time 'illnesses' that only emerge at 9pm, repeatedly coming downstairs. YANBU walking out, Unfortunately my DS just gets a massive bollocking after about the 5th time of getting out of bed. I don't know what the answer is, I've put it down to getting older and not wanting to go to bed.

My kids are night owls and struggle to switch off just because "it's time" to as do I. So they try to string bedtime out as their brains are still wide awake. Not really their fault.

Does he have lights straight out? And what time is he going?

My 8 year old would be like this but now I let her read for a while with a lamp on.

They are absolutely allowed to play quietly in their room if they cant get to sleep, me and dh want to watch some grown up tv so they cant stay downstairs.

If they are thirsty they can get some water
There is no cure for tummy ache
If you are lonely, talk to your bear
If you are worried about school/homework/friends write it down in your room and ill answer it in the morning

Still havent cracked it

Do you have a routine from when he comes in from school? Try to stick to it, then a reward at the weekend. eg MacDonalds (works for me)

Have you tried no tv/technology for an hour before bed?

Can you ask him to get ready himself, be in bed (with a book) by a time you specify and then if he does this reward him with a treat/ late night at the weekend?

I know my 8yr old doesn't go straight to sleep anymore but he doesn't mess me about. I think I instilled the fear at a young age!

Ds is 9 and is like this sometimes but now mainly listens to the radio to fall asleep and reads. He goes up between 730 -845 depending on clubs etc and reads / faffs around. He's usually asleep by 9/930 and tbh I can't be arsed arguing about it. He also has the lights on to go to sleep.

I can remember BEING like this as a kid (no idea if it was at a similar age though). I felt quite insecure and wobbly about my Mum loving me and bedtime felt like the appropriate time to voice this or do something about it - she was busy the rest of the time or other people were there, bedtime was the time cuddles happened... so I'd try and string them out and not be left alone.

Is he clingy and cuddly the rest of the day, is it possible that bedtime is his only (or percieved as!) opportunity to get some time with you to himself?

He's old enough to explain that he does have to go to bed and you do have to go and do your own stuff - but I would try and build in more time for sitting together/doing something quiet and affectionate together (snuggle with a film or book) at some other point in the day and a clearer bedtime routine perhaps.

The more you fight him and he has to work harder to get and keep your attention the more insecure/anxious he will feel and the worse this will get..

YY widdling

widdling that makes a lot of sense. I make sure that I speak to mine about their day so they don't save any "surprises" for bed time....

Thanks some really good points here. Widdlin what you said has resonated somewhat with me and I think that may be the issue. I have been really busy with other stuff. I'm going to call a 'house meeting' to discuss it and my suggestion will be some 1:1 time reading before lights out. Thinking about it we did always do this until a year or so ago.

Thanks widdling, that makes total sense!