To be furious at my DH

[Mousedl1]

So I have a tight deadline looming and am very stressed trying to fit it all in around 2 DC. DH works 37 hours a week as do I, he does 5 days and I do it over 3 plus my college work. Last night I made dinner, showered kids and went to get on with work- DH wanted us to watch some tv together and I stated it depended on how much house work was left when I had done the hour of work I planned.
When I come down he was sat watching a film, snacks on 3 plates and had made no effort to do anything! Dinner stuff was everywhere still as was his mess from his snacks. I lost my rag and said I am sick of doing everything and when he knows I have a deadline he should pick up some of the slack he said a I am nasty and unreasonable and need to say sorry but I bloody refuse- AIBU ?

You know you are NOT BU!!!!
He's sounds like a lazy git.
Don't do anything for him for a month and see how he likes that!

YANBU at all.

When you're calm, can you talk it through? You're a team - I'm sure you pick up the slack if he's particularly busy. Its only fair he does the same.

No YANBU at all! My DP works 60 + hours a week and still does stuff in the house, helps with baths/bedtime, tidies up after himself. I'd have gone nuts too!

Why dont you pick up your laptop when hes home tonight go to the pub with it glass of wine and do your work? Leave him to do tea bed and bath time if he asks why say your so tired and sick of the mess you cant focus at home and then go out for a couple of hours ring and check he will have to get on with it

His reason was I didn't tell him to clear up and I responded (not very politely) I shouldn't have too he is a bloody adult. I have a habit of apologising for a quiet life but I have reached the point that it's not working, he pointed out I am always stressed around deadlines which annoyed me more as I think why don't you help out then!
I prob could of handled it better as I did shout, but I have enough kids I don't need another to tidy up from. Plus he always plays the victim about how mean I am when actually he swore at me more than one

Sounds like the arguments we have at home. I have a 4 hour commute to work, work 48 hours + a week, and really resent having to do any housework during the week when hubby works 9-5 and is home by 5:15. Husband feels that I always get out of doing anything during the week. He never appreciates the stuff I do on the weekend- i.e. Laundary, shopping, cooking for the week, deep cleaning & just focusses on the things I don't do during the week. So yes, unless your dh is a slob 7 days a week in which case you have my sympathy, YABU.

I cook everyday I am home even if he is home all day do ALL the washing, sort all bills and childcare. Do all the shopping and arranging of plans he makes with family ie he invites them over for BBQ and I get to clean, shop and cook. He will Hoover 'for me' if I get the Hoover out and he sees and load the dishwasher after meals. Would never think to strip beds or clean bathrooms at weekend

I can't see how a loving partner can be relaxing while their partner is running around like a blue arsed fly doing everything.

He's being a tit and needs to take a long look at himself. Of course you shouldn't have to tell him exactly what to do all the time at home, thinking of it is work, too!

However, some men have been socialised to ignore domestic work. Fucking patriarchy, etc. It can be helpful to provide a chart that shows all the daily, weekly, and monthly tasks and keep it displayed somewhere. If he's actually trying to put his weight and not treat you like free domestic labour, that can help to remind him of things that he has never previously thought about.