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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go to this party?

22 replies

Bombaypotatoes · 30/08/2016 13:14

DS is throwing a party in a few weeks to celebrate getting a new job. this isn't a particularly massive achievement, it's not something she'd been working towards. It's just a standard job thst pays a bit more than her last company. It's a BYOB and everyone is required to dress up in a certain theme. Also no children are allowed so I'd have to get a babysitter. Earlier this year she threw a 'Pick me up party' to help cheer herself up (she suffers from stress and depression and had just been signed off from work). Which in essence is a nice idea but we were all expected to dress up, BYOB and bring something along to cheer DS up I.e a gift. I wouldn't mind but the price of a costume, alcohol, babysitter and a gift adds up pretty quickly. And I'm sure there be another excuse for a party before Christmas.

AIBU not to go even though it's going to cause uproar and I'll be accused of not supporting my DS? I'm not a party person at all, but I sucked it up for the last party, do I need to suck it up again?

OP posts:

Eminybob · 30/08/2016 13:18

If you don't want to go, don't go. It's an invitation, not a summons, as they say.

It does seem a bit indulgent of her, all this throwing herself parties, but hell, why not. Some people love a good party and any excuse eh?

ImNotJoeMyNameIsHarry · 30/08/2016 13:20

"It's such a shame the babysitter has cancelled. Oh dear can't leave children alone."

ImNotJoeMyNameIsHarry · 30/08/2016 13:20

Meant to add on would that work?

SaucyJack · 30/08/2016 13:24

Don't go if you don't want to.

If she doesn't like it, that's her problem. It's fine for her to enjoy throwing parties, but she needs to put her big girl pants on a deal with the fact that other people won't always jump when she clicks her fingers.

YelloDraw · 30/08/2016 13:28

Yeah, gutted the baby sitter canceled...

blushrush · 30/08/2016 13:30

Hold on, she threw a 'bring me presents' party?! Freaking cheek!

Don't go - say you couldn't get a babysitter, or you're ill, or you have other plans.

It sounds like she has plenty of people willing to keep her occupied already if she keeps throwing random parties

ImperialBlether · 30/08/2016 13:33

I wonder what her employers would think if they realised she was throwing an "I'm on sick leave" party! Did she invite anyone from work?

AmserGwin · 30/08/2016 13:42

Don't go - make an excuse

Gottagetmoving · 30/08/2016 13:47

Just say you don't want to go. Why get involved in excuses or fibs? She is a grown up - you are a grown up...
A simple 'I don't want to go, but I hope you all have a nice time' is ok.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 30/08/2016 13:49

Don't go if you don't want to or can't afford it.

Uproar if you don't go?, tell her to grow up and have a good time but you won't be there.

OpenMe · 30/08/2016 13:54

I have a few friends who host parties and I'm happy to go, contribute to catering and bring a bottle, as requested. I just see it as the cost of a night out and it stops me feeling that I owe them - I don't enjoy hosting.

If someone suggests fancy dress I either find out how many people will actually be in costume and go in regular clothes if I won't be the only one, or send apologies.

The presents thing is odd. Babysitting is a cost of any night out.

If you don't want to go don't,but assuming I liked my sister I'd at least put in an appearance.

IceRoadDucker · 30/08/2016 13:55

God no YANBU, it sounds hideous.

Did she really make it clear she was expecting presents at the last one?!

Floggingmolly · 30/08/2016 13:58

I avoid anything requiring fancy dress on principle. It's strictly for the under 8's.

AnnaMarlowe · 30/08/2016 14:03

The fact that it's a costume party would be enough reason to attend.

I make an exception for special occasions like 40ths (through gritted teeth) but having to put in a costume 'just because'.

I'd politely decline. And send her a nice card for her new job.

FetchezLaVache · 30/08/2016 14:07

Just out of sheer nosiness interest, what's the costume theme for this party?

Horsegirl1 · 30/08/2016 14:17

Let her know sooner rather than last minute that you can't make it. She sounds like a right attention seeker to be honest

Original poster

Bombaypotatoes · 30/08/2016 15:02

I've mentioned that I may not be able to make it and she's already upset. Apparently without the support of her family she'll slip back into depression. I'm happy to support her but I hate parties, always have. I sent her a postcard when she first got the job (the party is nearly 2 months after she starts). I might get the dc to make her a proper card

OP posts:

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 30/08/2016 15:04

I've mentioned that I may not be able to make it and she's already upset.

The emotional blackmail has started early then, .

Gottagetmoving · 30/08/2016 15:13

I've mentioned that I may not be able to make it and she's already upset. Apparently without the support of her family she'll slip back into depression

Support, yes, Doing everything she demands,..NO.

It is not your fault if she slips back into depression. Her doctor should be dealing with managing her depression. All you have to do is be supportive. it does not mean you have to give in to any demand she makes.
What about YOUR preferences, YOUR needs?
From what you say, she has to have everything the way she wants - or else!
You can turn it down kindly. After that, it is not your responsibility as to how she deals with it.

Gottagetmoving · 30/08/2016 15:16

To be honest, I think the way you are all pandering to her is making her worse.

VladmirsPoutine · 30/08/2016 15:28

Just don't go and think no more of it.

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 30/08/2016 16:42

Part of dealing with depression is finding ways to cope when things upset you. I wouldn't go, and would call her out if she starts saying you not going will cause her depression to get worse. I know it won't be nice and will cause some problems but it's best in the long term.

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