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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bedtime routine....want to throttle dh

30 replies

GlenBelt · 26/08/2016 21:33

I'm hoping ainbu as I'm so irritated about this Grin Ds is 8 months old and all efforts to get him into a solid routine and settle without being breastfed have not gone well! Dh said he'd shower with ds before bed at 6ish, by 7 he was still watching videos on his phone (does this every bloody day) ds was grizzly so I fed him and he went to sleep. He often wakes up several times which he did tonight so I went in to settle him, dh walks in just as he's nodding off and says bring him in the shower, I said no as I'm trying to settle him back to sleep. Us talking disturbed ds and there he was bright eyed so dh keeps arguing saying 'let me take him in the shower' I said no and rather than waking him up further can we discuss it later and dh went off in a huff calling me a 'selfish nobhead'. Ds settled back to sleep 10 mins later. Spoke to dh and he's still annoyed with me saying I could have just let him put ds in the shower but I feel it was less about getting ds to sleep and more about dh. He's always going on about not getting to spend much time with ds but he continues to watch videos upstairs for 2 hours every day then complain when ds is asleep!

Am I being unreasonable or am I being too uptight? To me, putting ds in the shower with the lights on etc would just over stimulate him and reset the whole bedtime process!

OP posts:
HeCantBeSerious · 26/08/2016 21:35

I'm not wild about routines to be honest but I wouldn't be getting a baby out of bed for a shower when they're sleepy.

cansu · 26/08/2016 21:37

I can't imagine anything more mad than giving a sleepy baby a shower! What would be the point of this in any case? if the idea is for d's to go to sleep without being fed, surely your dp could give him a cup or bottle of milk so that it isn't you doing the settling. How on earth a shower would help is beyond me.

ageingrunner · 26/08/2016 21:39

Your Dh sounds like the nobhead in this situation! Who gets a baby out of bed for a shower? 😳

Magstermay · 26/08/2016 21:39

YANBU, why on earth would you get a sleepy baby up and take him in the shower?!

3littlefrogs · 26/08/2016 21:41

Your DH is an idiot. Sorry.

You are sensible.

This could become an issue if he is an idiot about other things too.

NaturalRBF · 26/08/2016 21:43

Wait til DH is falling asleep. Turn the light on & throw a bucket of water over him

Then ask if he's ready for bed

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 26/08/2016 21:45

Isn't a shower a bit unsafe/slippery at this age?

That aside, your partner was being ridiculous. And if my partner ever called me a name like that it would be the last time. He sounds immature and irresponsible.

chickenowner · 26/08/2016 21:47

Your dh shouldn't speak to you like that. My dp and I NEVER call each other horrible names!

HeCantBeSerious · 26/08/2016 21:47

Isn't a shower a bit unsafe/slippery at this age?

Ours showered with us from about 6 weeks old.

Soubriquet · 26/08/2016 21:49

When your Dh is starting to nod off tonight, nudge him awake and tell him to go and have a shower. Everytime!

We have a routine because it works. Even if I didn't, I would never risk waking up a baby for a wash

HeCantBeSerious · 26/08/2016 21:56

I have a relative who is obsessive about baths before beds. Even if her children fall asleep in the car on the way home of an evening she won't transfer them to bed, she'll wake them, bath them, scrub them, yes really and then wonder why they don't go straight back to sleep. Hmm

Original poster
GlenBelt · 26/08/2016 21:59

Thank you!!! I started really wondering whether I was being over the top, this isn't the first time we've had a disagreement like this.

I'm not one for routin but I do try to stick to lights dimmed, feed, lullaby and story so he's used to certain cues rather than a certain time. I said to him 'if he would up at 3am would you give him s shower then, no!' To be honest dh has very much taken a backseat when it has come to looking after ds and is only usually available for cuddles. He wanted a shower with ds as it's their one thing they do together, to me that is selfish and I'm glad I'm not overreacting!

To be honest he has really disappointed me as a parent so far, which makes me feel awful, this just makes me realise I'm not being pfb.

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 26/08/2016 21:59

He's being a dick. Mine is similar (thinks taking ds downstairs to play if he's struggling to settle is a good idea.)

Sparrowlegs248 · 26/08/2016 22:00

Also good at coming into the room and talking at the wrong moment, often chooses bedtime to do stuff upstairs. Just fuck the fuck off.

Purplebluebird · 26/08/2016 22:04

:o Why oh why would you get a sleepy baby out of bed to have a shower! Poor baby would not want a shower!

Original poster
GlenBelt · 26/08/2016 22:04

Notalotta dh is terrible for this too! I ask him to watch ds before bed but not over stimulate him, I come back to him throwing ds in the air going wheeeeeeeee. And he bursts into the bedroom and starts talking when I'm settling ds then says 'but he's awake anyway' yes, because you bloody stomp about everywhere and burst through doors!

OP posts:
ShebaShimmyShake · 26/08/2016 22:15

I've never heard of anyone trying to get a wakeful baby back to sleep by taking them out of bed and into a bathroom to watch someone showering.

ShebaShimmyShake · 26/08/2016 22:17

Or even get into the shower too. In fact, especially that. How is that supposed to destimulate and settle a baby?

skankingpiglet · 26/08/2016 22:20

Is the over-stimulating before bed a Dad thing? My DH does this too... Always chooses bedtime books which "have to" include shouting or throwing up in the air... Hmm

OP YANBU.

nutbrownhare15 · 26/08/2016 22:25

I feel like men care less about this stuff when they don't have to deal with the consequences eg having to settle an overtired baby or not having the ultimate settler (boobs). It is infuriating as they should empathise with what their partner is going through enough to give a toss about this stuff.

Marmalade85 · 26/08/2016 22:33

Your DH watches videos on his phone upstairs for 2 hours every evening and then complains he doesn't see the baby? This is utterly ridiculous. Do you tell him to get off the phone? Maybe a bath would be more settling for your baby.

Sparrowlegs248 · 26/08/2016 22:34

Exactly nutbrown. Mine told me not to worry so much about ds being late for his morning nap because he (husband) was on holiday. Fanfuckingtastic. Yes, he was on holiday but it was just another day for me. Late morning nap means late pm nap means late bedtime, means late cooking tea, means late eating and late to bed. And then me getting woken up in the night.

Sorry. Pissed off with it as you may be able to tell.

Madinche1sea · 26/08/2016 22:34

He is being totally ridiculous about the shower, but also if my DH ever called me a "nobhead" he would be finding somewhere else to sleep. Does he often speak to you like this?

M

rubbishbin · 26/08/2016 22:37

If a man posted this thread title, he would be banned.

Sara107 · 26/08/2016 22:38

Skankinpiglet, I suspect this is a Dad thing indeed! I have always tried to have the bedtime routine as a calming time, cue dh instigating tickles, singing, throwing around, general uproar! Now dD is nearly 7 it is still going on. My sister said her dh was exactly the same....