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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say Facebook has a terrible downside

28 replies

coolandcalm · 25/08/2016 15:59

I think FB is great for loads of things, keeping up with what's going on, staying in touch with loads of people etc, but the downside is it much surely leave lots of people feeling left out, secluded, not good enough and possibly a whole lot of other emotions.

It seems quite trivial but something as trivial as not getting a like when others do is one example, daft as it seems.

Photographs of friends having nights out when you haven't been invited can be very hurtful, or children going on play dates and your child not invited equally so. What does everyone else think?

OP posts:

scaryteacher · 25/08/2016 16:25

I consciously choose not to have an account, so all the associated FB crap doesn't bother me at all. FB seems to be more trouble than it is worth, and I don't want to be used as a revenue stream for Mr Zuckerberg.

Eolian · 25/08/2016 16:31

I think FB is what you make it. If people are only friends with people they actually like, and regard FB as a nice low-key way of keeping in touch, rather than a popularity contest, then there is no reason for it to be problematic. I've never understood all the angst tbh. I have been on FB for years and have never once been upset or offended by a single thing on there. Nor have I upset ir offended anyone else (to my knowledge!). I tend to think that if someone has problematic relationships on FB, that's because they have problematic relationships in real life.

TheNaze73 · 25/08/2016 16:34

YANBU in saying it, as you're right, it has many downsides however, YABU if you let it bother you as no one forces you to use it

gamerchick · 25/08/2016 16:36

Its not facebook that's the problem but the people using it. Facebook doesn't upset me because I don't have issues. Its just a tool.

Anybody upset for not getting a like or feeling intense jealousy needs to come off it Imo.

MrsMook · 25/08/2016 16:39

Most Facebook angst seems to come from within, not what is actually posted by others.

Exceptions for:
Share if you hate Cancer etc
Vague booking

Some of it is down to who you know. If you are selective to people that you genuinely like, use functions like unfollow and are content with your own life, then there will be very few problems.

Most of these problems existed before social media. It's just more apparent now.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 25/08/2016 16:40

Facebook isn't for everyone and there are far more people using it than should be, really.

If it starts making you lonely, or sad, or jealous, it's not for you. Either cut out the people who make you feel that way and drastically scale back, or come off it.

Unfortunately, whilst people self-regulate most things in life quite well - you don't tend to find many lonely people walking past pubs and wishing they were in there, for example, or find single people hanging around cinemas wishing they had a date - Facebook seems to have become much more mainstream than is good for people. They don't remember it's a choice, they don't need a Facebook.

There have been psychological studies into this that have shown the same thing. After 90 days off Facebook, a considerable amount of people are much happier.

Niloufes · 25/08/2016 16:43

You've just worked this out? If you (not you but the you that is posting of fb) gets annoyed or upset that she/he isn't getting any likes or invites or is jealous of other people's posts then the only thing to do is to get the F off fb pronto. But totally understand why people hang about because there is an element of "you've got to be in it to win it" angle to fb.

rosesarered9 · 25/08/2016 16:43

This is what bugs me about people who use Facebook.

ppeatfruit · 25/08/2016 16:54

Yes it's a tool, used by me to keep in contact with relatives and friends, mainly ones who live abroad.

I HATE pix of peoples' food, and the hypocritical spiritual rubbish, with moralising homilies always posted by people of whom I have first hand experience of as being mean, narc. nasties .

I think its down to the user really. YABU some people get too wound up with anything.

Bogglem · 25/08/2016 16:56

I deactivated my account (plus my Twitter and Instagram) 3 days ago and I already feel a lot better!
I'll admit we're not in a great position financially right now and it made me very envious.

I also couldnt handle the constant "look at me!" photos and the attention seeking statuses; they irritate the hell out of me!

60sname · 25/08/2016 17:00

If you have low self esteem, anything could make you feel worse about yourself. This includes Facebook.

BagelGoesWalking · 25/08/2016 17:01

What Eolian said. I like it as I can communicate and share things with friends and family abroad.

Every now and again, I go through and unfollow/leave groups if I feel it's not something I want to do anymore. All the groups/pages I've liked/joined are things I'm interested in, I get news on there, notifications about local/national events I might want to go to.

I think I've only commented once about some people on a group who were being bloody horrible/sanctimonious about someone else who wasn't on that group but we all knew her through another group. They didn't comment (except 1 friend who I know in RL now - she apologised) but they didn't do it again!

tinsheddy · 25/08/2016 17:02

Facebook definitely has it's downsides. However, I also agree with a few previous posters that it's definitely how you used it. I've been off it since around 2009 and if I would use it differently, knowing what I know now.

Laiste · 25/08/2016 17:02

It's the 'tracking down' aspect of FB that bothers me. Seen a few friends marriages flounder when they've contacted/been contacted by old flames, ect.

It's easy to say if the relationship was 100% it wouldn't matter bla bla, and it's not FBs 'fault', but to answer the OP i'd say that aspect is a downside.

SweetChickadee · 25/08/2016 17:02

I live abroad. It's a great way for me to 'see' family and friends back home.

I ignore a heck of a lot of stuff on FB

2rebecca · 25/08/2016 17:03

I only have a few friends and mainly use it for hobby related stuff. I'm a rubbish facebooker as I can't be bothered "liking" every post people put up. Being older and having a busy life and job helps as I'm not short of things to do with my time so if some of my friends meet up without me I'm pleased they're having a good time not feeling left out.

rollonthesummer · 25/08/2016 17:04

People are allowed to have play dates with a child and not invite others-I really can't get worked up about that.

x2boys · 25/08/2016 17:07

Like others say its a great way to keep in touch with family and frienda around the world facebook has also put me in touch with people who have children with either the same or similar rare chromosome disorder that my son has so for thats its been fantastic.

MaQueen · 25/08/2016 17:10

I think if you're generally happy with yourself and your life then FB is pretty innocuous.

If you're unhappy with yourself and your life...then down the FaceBook path lies upset, bitterness and resentment.

I've been on FB for years, though only post/check it a few times a month. Have yet to be upset by anything any of my friends/family have ever posted.

I think if your actual life is stressful, disappointing or contentious then you will probably have similar shit on FB.

LunaLoveg00d · 25/08/2016 17:13

Nobody is forced to have a Facebook account. Nobody is forced to log into it. Nobody is forced to be friends with anyone on Facebook if they don't want to. Nobody is forced to like/comment or even look at what people post.

If you're so emotionally fragile that you are obsessing over how many likes a picture gets, Facebook isn't for you.

orangepudding · 25/08/2016 17:14

I got quite upset as I kept seeing photos of parties that seemed to involve most of my sons class / all the boys in his class except him. I did feel oversensitive as he has ASD and a 1-1 at school. I deleted the school mums and feel much better!

Missymoomoo1979 · 25/08/2016 17:17

Have been off Facebook for 2 weeks and won't be going back any time soon

Chloe1984 · 25/08/2016 17:19

I quite like looking at food pics

TWOBANANAS · 25/08/2016 17:26

I've been off and on and off and on it but I've decided I'm off it for good. Too many adverts, too many 'countdown to Christmas', too much showing off - I find it toxic and that's even after I narrowed down my list of friends. I am far happier off it than on. That's just my opinion though.

ghostspirit · 25/08/2016 17:39

fb allows me to stalk people. and facebook is what you make it to a degree. i get nasty freaky messages from a family member with threats and stuff. you can bloke people but they only have to make a new account. i think it should be based on a ip type of thing so it cant be done. but i ignore that sort of shit and just select the rest that i like. oh but i really do hate them if you dont repost this you have no heart. or only 5% of people will repost this will you be one of them.

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