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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to serve dinner at 5pm anyway?

50 replies

Kanga59 · 23/08/2016 16:56

I have invited my friend and her two children over for dinner today. said to come at 4pm and ill do us dinner.it's almost 4:55 now and they are not here!

I text her at 4:35 saying "just checking you guys are still coming over?" and no reply. grr

I was hoping to serve up at 5pm isH because my youngest is tired and needs an early night. I can drag dinner out a bit (fish pie, veg) but AIBU to just serve up to suit myself? bloody rude surely that she hasn't phoned?

I hope she's ok and hasn't been run over on their way here!

OP posts:
FarelyKnuts · 23/08/2016 16:58

Just eat. You'll only get more frustrated. If she turns up she turns up

TantrumsAndBalloons · 23/08/2016 16:59

Did you tell her you were eating at 5pm?

NeedACleverNN · 23/08/2016 16:59

Just eat.
My two are fed by 4.30 at the latest. I wouldn't be waiting

redexpat · 23/08/2016 16:59

An hour late with no call is quite rude. I usually give people 15 minutes before I get on with my life.

Serve up, and hope that nothing bad has happened.

Mavisblewitt · 23/08/2016 17:00

Very rude!
Go ahead and do what you need to do.
If they turn up in the meantime tell her you said 4 o clock, and because she hadn't replied to your text you assumed she wasn't coming and it's no longer convenient.
Rude people annoy me
But otoh she may have a genuine excuse. But it takes literally seconds to send a text x

Discopanda · 23/08/2016 17:50

It's rude!!! I have a couple of perpetually late friends but they always give updates! Have they turned up yet. OP? If not, just eat.

allthecarbs · 23/08/2016 17:52

Serve up. Everyone knows most children eat at 5. It's her fault for not turning up on time.

travellinghopefully12 · 23/08/2016 17:57

Did she ever turn up OP?

Velvetdarkness · 23/08/2016 17:58

Regardless of when you do dinner, she was an hour late with no contact. That's rude. I'd have served up at my own convenience.

Original poster
Kanga59 · 23/08/2016 18:46

They arrived shortly after I posted and we ate soon after. No apology though! Or acknowledgment of my text message, the just swanned in. I'm not impressed and have noted this episode.

To make matters worse, one of her children ate pretty much all the bloody food - asking for seconds even before I'd sat down, and thirds thereafter. So I felt awful, like I had under provided for my guests. In hindsight, the child was rude and her Mum should have asked her to wait patiently (the child is 8), but in the moment I was like, yes sure, help yourself, I am such a bad provider of food. I don't think those kids had eaten all afternoon the way they wolfed it down. It was not a very pleasant experience. Won't be doing it again in a hurry.

OP posts:
NicknameUsed · 23/08/2016 18:56

It was rude of her not to let you know that she would be late.

But you do eat really early. If I had been invited for dinner I would have expected to be fed after 6pm at the earliest.

allthecarbs I don't know anyone who eats at 5.

Original poster
Kanga59 · 23/08/2016 19:50

Bath time starts at 6pm here. We eat anytime between 5&6 during the week.

OP posts:
CantChoose · 23/08/2016 19:54

I haven't even finished work by the time you eat :) maybe if she's in a similar situation it wouldn't have occurred to her that by being late she'd be delaying dinner but even so she should have called to let you know she was running late...

BeenThereDoneThatForgotten · 23/08/2016 19:56

Dinner would never be at 5 in my house. Far too early. I think you needed to more explicit.

LucyFuckingPevensie · 23/08/2016 19:58

Tbh your meal time is early for us too, sort of. We are off for the holidays and my dts are not really little young anymore, so we eat when we feel like it, that can be 5 or 8.

That's irrelevant though, because you told them what time you were planning on doing dinner, although it seems that they arrived just in time anyway.

Bluechip · 23/08/2016 20:03

YANBU to expect her to arrive on time but I'd give her the benefit of the doubt - perhaps she thought it was 'arrive from 4'. As a pp said many people aren't back from work for a family dinner at 5 and if I go to dinner with friends (DC 4 and 2) we don't eat til 6 or so and they go to bed soon after. I'd be explicit and say 'please come for dinner, we're eating at 5 so arrive at 4' if that's what suits you and your family. You should do what suits you but spell it out if someone's coming over to join you.

myownprivateidaho · 23/08/2016 20:08

It sounds like there's been some miscommunication. Agree that she understood you to have invited her "from 4" not "at 4". Or else she took it to be standard dinner party etiquette, where you're invited to arrive at 7.30 but it would be weird to actually come then. In any case, the fact that she didn't apologise means she doesn't realise she's done anything wrong or that she was an hour late.

Crunchymum · 23/08/2016 20:09

Don't invite her again.

It's pretty clear you don't like her or her child(ren) much.

rainbowunicorn · 23/08/2016 20:09

I think 5pm is very early for dinner and would not expect to eat much before 6pm at the earliest if invited to someones for dinner. Also what age are your kids if they are much younger than hers as they appear to be with such an early bath time perhaps it just didn't occur to her that you would be getting the children bathed and ready for bed when many people are just getting home and starting to cook dinner.
With regard to how much the child ate, again are yours much younger with smaller appetites so perhaps you underestimated how much they would need.

Rosieposy4 · 23/08/2016 20:09

I don't think you can complain about the 8 year old eating well. I'm sure you would have complained if they pushed it around. May e the mum didn't say anything because she thought your first serving was tiny.

myownprivateidaho · 23/08/2016 20:10

Oh yeah, and if you said come at 4 dinner will be at 5 in dinner-party speak that means come before 5. Weird to apply that to a kids' dinner, but not rude imo.

Houseconfusion · 23/08/2016 20:13

Just surprised at dinner times! 10 month DS comes back from childminder at 6 with DH upon which we cook and he spends time reading with DH and playing with us then we all eat dinner together as a family at 6:30 and its bath and bedtime by 7:15 ish.

Historygeek · 23/08/2016 20:14

You sound a bit rigid.

It wouldn't really bother me and I would let guests eat the food first even if it meant me having beans on toast later.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 23/08/2016 20:16

YABU. Insufficient food was down to you. 5pm is early for dinner and also kind of rude to expect to get bath time and early night done as per routine when you've invited guests over. I'd probably decline next time if I got disapproving vibes as your friend.

FallenStar3 · 23/08/2016 20:17

Your abit passive aggressive about your friend yes she was late but comments about the children not eating all day and being rude asking seconds are over the top they enjoyed your food and wanted more surely that's a good thing you would of complained if they left everything.

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