Family Money

[MarcelineTheVampire]

I earn a considerable amount more than DP which has never been an issue, but he insists on paying 50/50 for everything which leaves him with very little disposable income at the end of the month and me with quite a bit.

As I sort all of the financial side of things I told him his amount and I've been paying about £200 more to ensure that he's not left without so much money at the end of the month. However, I am soon returning to work after maternity and we now have childcare to pay, he is insisting that he pays half and won't take no for an answer- I keep telling him that I'll pay but he said he doesn't want to be a 'cocklodger'.

WIBU to tell a little fib on how much it costs? I don't want it to turn into an issue but if he earned more than me he has said he wouldn't expect me to pay half- it's annoying.

I would maybe suggest putting everything into a joint account and all spending comes from there. This works as long as you both have the same attitude to spending, you don't want to be sneaking in purchases from the car boot after dark and vice versa.

If you have a considerable childcare bill, it is worth both of you getting your childcare vouchers if you are able to do so through your employer.

Yes, all salaries paid into a joint account would help solve this.

I've been where you are and get where you are coming from but it's a recipe for disaster.

He will find our and then he will feel very small and it's bound to lead to issues.

Just be honest and work out a way that suits you both - joint account for example.

If you can't be honest about finances even for well intentioned reasons then something needs fixing.

Or - have a joint account and put into it the same proportion that you earn in.

Eg if you earn 70% of the total household income then you pay 70% of the total needed each month into the account and he pays 30% - when you earn 30% then you pay the 30% needed and he pays 70%.

I've tried to suggest this- we do have a bills account but it is in my name. He refuses a joint account as he believes I have worked hard to get a well paid job and he doesn't want to take advantage.

I'll suggest it again!!!

You are right facepalming

I'd go with a joint account with each of you being allocated with the same spending money each month.

My husband earns more than me and what we did is pay the same percentage of our individual wage into a joint account and the rest is our own. So I am left with less than him but at the same time he pays much more into the joint/bills account and into a joint savings account. Now we have kids and I'm on maternity leave we had to readjust but it works if you're honest with each other and we find it a fair way but just find what works for you both. Would agree with both of you applying for childcare vouchers if you can.

We also did the percentage thing at the beginning (x % of salary moved to a joint account, used for rent, bills, food...). We used to earn the same, but thought it would be fair if one of us started earning more.

When we had children and I stopped working we changed our system, we now only have one joint account. All of DH's salary goes there, and it is used for household expenses as well as personal ones. We are quite reasonable with our money, and would usually consult each other before making big purchases, but even when we don't it has never caused issues.

If you want to protect him financially the best thing you can do is to marry him as that gets him all kinds of rights he doesn't currently have.

Just put any spare money into a savings account and then use it on holidays or big ticket purchases.

Both salaries into joint account

You each have your own account with pocket money in it. You buy each others birthday presents. Books games drinks lunches fripperies from this personal account.

Noone is being taken advantage of. Family money is just that.

Some people have a need to be seen to be paying their way. This way is fair but doesn't rub his nose in the whole I earn twice as much as you so I pay 66%you pay 33% would.

Don't lie. Just don't.

If he wants to go strictly 50/50 I don't know how you can stop him. I'll watch with interest in case anyone else does, because I'm also with someone who has tendencies towards 'what's yours is yours, what's mine is ours'.

You really should think seriously about getting married, OP.

Sure it's possible to combine incomes without getting married, and it's good that you want to do so.

But there are a whole raft of other legal/financial advantages to getting married. Next of kin rights and widowed parents allowance are the one's that have impacted my life the most.