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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you what is reasonable

29 replies

Highlandfling80 · 22/08/2016 20:18

My dbrother is always saying we should visit more. He lives 200 miles away. However as on holiday a bit closer say 60. Miles we have decided to visit. I plan to take wine and treats as we are a family of 5. He has suggested that when we arrive we go shopping with a view to us splitting the grocery bill. We will be staying one night and have to of course pay petrol to visit.
Now I am in two minds about this. We probably have more money than they do so do you think this is fair?

OP posts:
ny20005 · 22/08/2016 20:21

Only if it's groceries for the evening meal & breakfast the next day - not their weeks shopping 🙄

Arfarfanarf · 22/08/2016 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chough · 22/08/2016 20:23

It's a shame to spend time food shopping when you're only there for one night.
Could you agree to each cater for certain meals, eg you take food for Saturday lunch and Sunday breakfast.
Or eat out and divide the bill?

Missgraeme · 22/08/2016 20:25

Sounds like he maybe has ideas to bill u for 50%of his weekly shop!! Suggest a take away and bring treats etc!

HerRoyalNotness · 22/08/2016 20:25

Seems a little off, unless they're really skint. If take some milk and juice, maybe bread for toast or stuff for cooked breakfast. Then when you get there offer to shout a takeout. My dbro doesn't have much, but I know he wouldn't ask for money for shopping, however I would take stuff with us.

ThatsMyStapler · 22/08/2016 20:27

oh for goodness sake, stop off on the way and pick up some bits or you'll end up paying for his weekly shop as well

DownWithThisSortaThing · 22/08/2016 20:29

I think it's quite tight of him personally to want to split the money for food when you're only staying one night. If you were staying for a week then yes I'd understand it. If I was him I would just cook for you and not ask for money.

Agree with a pp, I would just pick up some food on your way for the evening and next morning there's no fretting over what you might owe him.

Masketti · 22/08/2016 20:34

You're visiting once in a while and he's already quibbling about the cost? Whatever happened to hosting?

Original poster
Highlandfling80 · 22/08/2016 21:28

Think I will substitute some of the treats for practical items like bread and cereal.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 22/08/2016 21:58

Hang on, he invited you, so he hosts and pays. By all means, take practical stuff, bread, cereal, milk, makings for a meal. Don't waste part of your visit shopping-what if he wants to do a full shop for a week?!

Dontyoulovecalpol · 22/08/2016 22:00

Ask him what the hell hes on about, why would you want to spend your holiday at the supermarket? Ask him what he wants picking up and get it on the way

It would be more normal for you to all go out for dinner IMO

thisismyfirsttime · 22/08/2016 22:08

He's invited you, you're staying one night?! Personally I pay for dinner/ takeaway and breakfast (cereal/ toast/ bacon rolls etc) and all the alcohol/ drinks. It's what you do if you host isn't it? Guests may bring a bottle or two and sweets for the kids if they like. Is he not well off? What will this shop consist of? If he's doing a bbq and cooked breakfast or something and wants you to pay half I'd tell him plans have changed and you don't have time to stop by. Assuming he's been asking you to stay overnight all this time, not just to pop in?

Mummyboyswife · 22/08/2016 22:11

How do I comment on here? Cannot find where I can start a new thread? Sorry to interrupt.

TaterTots · 22/08/2016 22:16

Grocery bill for what? One night?

Tell him to fuck off.

Oysterbabe · 22/08/2016 22:23

I think if he can't afford to host the 5 of you and you can afford to buy food and you really want to see him then it would be reasonable to take food.

FastWindow · 22/08/2016 22:24

mummysboys congratulations, you have posted successfully :)

To start a thread (on mobile site) scroll to top of thread. Under the circle with three lines there is a small circle with a down wards v. Its a dropdown menu. Have at it!!

:)

seven201 · 22/08/2016 22:29

It's weird! Sounds like money is tight for them st the mo though. Even so though you'd have thought he could scrape enough together to cook something cheap and cheerful for his sister and family. I obviously don't know his financial situation though!

BeenThereDoneThatForgotten · 22/08/2016 22:32

Take some breakfast stuff and suggest getting a takeaway.

SuperHeroesForKids · 22/08/2016 22:38

We are a family of 5. We live 200 miles from family.

When visiting we take cereal, milk, bread, butter, tea cakes, crumpets, juice, beer, wine....

As were visiting go out for dinner/get a take away.

Is your db skint? You stayed previously and raided the larder? Sounds like he doesn't want to be out of pocket - which I kind of understand.....

What's happened when you visited previously?

Gardenbirds123 · 22/08/2016 22:41

He sounds grabby

Even If money v is tight for him there are less aquward ways of keeping his costs down Eg 'Hope you don't mind a simple macaroni cheese for dinner and tea and cornflakes for breakfast'

That wouldn't cost him more than a few quid to do and gives you the option to pick up a salad and wine etx if you wanted to jazz it up a bit

he shouldn't ne inviting people to stay if he can't manage that.

Its even weirder that you hardly ever see each other and he wants to hang out in the supermarketHmm

Agree with PP you should decline supermarket, and offer to pick something up on route.

Let us know how much / what he asks forGrin

DancingDinosaur · 22/08/2016 22:44

Maybe he's completely skint. Take enough food for your dinner and breakfast. Job done.

molyholy · 22/08/2016 22:47

It wouldn't occur to me to expect invited guests to bring or buy a meal, and thats friends, let alone my brother or sisters!! I would suggest takeaway and offer to pay towards it and I would take plenty of booze.

Original poster
Highlandfling80 · 22/08/2016 22:49

Always bring wine or champagne. Also other bits and bobs. On one occasion we were going to eat out but couldn't find a suitable venue and on that occasion I did buy some bits as they didn't have suitable food in. So maybe that is why it is expected.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 22/08/2016 22:50

i would just pay for a takeaway and wine.

junebirthdaygirl · 22/08/2016 23:43

Sent Just read this after the tread about friends calling in never bringing anything and never offering to pay for a takeaway. Its two extremes. Think your brother is a bit rude. Surely he should trust that you will bring some stuff along and not be laying down the law on your one visit.