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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go ahead with christening anyway?

21 replies

MidnightPanda · 20/08/2016 00:36

Have wanted to have christening for DC since they were born.
Only thing putting me off all these years is that I barely have friends or family!

Would be able to get one godmother - but no godfather. Dont have any brothers/ male friend/ uncles -anything, so they would only have a godmother. Would they allow this?

And what to do after the christening? As I literally have 3 members of family and 2 friends (DCs dad not invovled ) we couldnt really have a party?

What would you do in my situation ?

OP posts:

Discopanda · 20/08/2016 00:43

One of the messages of a Christening is that the baby is being welcomed into the family of the church so you might actually meet some local parents if you have one. You don't need to have a big shindig afterwards either. I'd say go for it, we haven't had DD2s christened (I'm from a Christian background, DP is atheist) because he didn't want to, but I would have them christened if he wasn't so strongly against it.

PurpleDaisies · 20/08/2016 00:53

How old are your children? I'm a committed Christian and I'm actually glad I wasn't christened as a baby as it meant it was totally my decision to get baptised as an adult.

Is it a Catholic or c of e church (or something else)? You could chat up the person doing the service about the issue of godparents. I hope it all works out for you.

PurpleDaisies · 20/08/2016 00:54

Arghh! What a typo...don't chat up your priest/vicar. That would be a terrible idea.

followTheyellowbrickRoad · 20/08/2016 00:54

I would do it. Then either a nice meal out after to celebrate or if funds don't allow tea and cake at yours.

PurpleDaisies · 20/08/2016 00:56

I also forgot to say, do you go to a church? That would be a great way of making new friends.

Original poster

MidnightPanda · 20/08/2016 01:01

It will be a Catholic church, children are 3 and 4. We dont attend currently but would love to start attending again

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 20/08/2016 01:02

My experience is in c of e churches but I'm sure people would love to see you and your children at church. You could try out a coffee morning or toddler group in the week and see what you think?

hazeimcgee · 20/08/2016 01:27

I'm sure you still need 2 or 3 god parents even if all female. You could have the same ones for both children tho x

KissMyShades · 20/08/2016 03:01

panda Catholics traditionally have one godmother and one godfather but it's not compulsory to have godparents at all. From the church's point of view, better to have your DCs christened than not. Most priests these days are happy to be flexible. I know a child with two godmothers but no godfather and another child with a godfather and two godmothers (parents couldn't decide between two close female friends). In the olden days, it was quite common for parents to ask the priest himself to be godfather. That could be an option if you really want a godfather but don't have any close male friends or family members. So have a word with your church and you might be pleasantly surprised. One thing to be aware of though is that I believe they can insist godparents must be Catholic themselves and they might ask for proof of Confirmation.

NotSoLankyNancy · 20/08/2016 03:34

Dc2 and dc3 have two god mothers as female heavy families here. Not an issue at all.
Speak to priest, I'm sure he will be very accommodating!!

nosireebob · 20/08/2016 03:41

If you'd like them christened just do it - I've only got one godmother, my son has two godmothers and no godfather and recently we had a christening at my church where the church warden and priest stepped in as godparents as it was for new arrivals to the country who didn't know anyone - so there's lots of flexibility. In our church, if a family haven't got loads of friends they can do the baptism as part of the main Sunday service - so not an awkward empty church. parents then usually buy a cake and a few nibbles for after the service and celebrate with the congregation. Good luck

Eigg · 20/08/2016 03:53

We have have lots of family and friends but my DC only have one Godmother each as that's the tradition in the Church of Scotland.

I'd speak to the priest and see what he says. I'm sure it won't be a problem. Just have a meal at home with your family afterwards.

RubbleBubble00 · 20/08/2016 08:04

Go and have a chat with the priest, he can then direct you as to god parents. Our c of e christening was in with church service so added on the end. Then just had a little party tea at our house

HorraceTheOtter · 20/08/2016 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 20/08/2016 08:17

Go ahead! Maybe go for a nice meal after?

RoastChickenDinner · 20/08/2016 08:47

I would say that a Christening is not about the party, that's kind of missing the point. It's nice to have an additional celebration afterwards if you would like to, but it seems Christenings are becoming like weddings for a lot of people - more about the things you get/and do than the essence of what the thing is meant to be about.

A Christening is to welcome the children into the family of God, and the Church. My understanding is God parents are to help guide the child through their spiritual journey, but there is no requirement to have them at all.

I personally believe (slightly controversially) that people who don't go to Church shouldn't have their children Christened (not applicable to you OP as you've said you would like to attend regularly), as I think standing up at the front of the Church promising to bring your children up in the 'life of the Church' when you have no intention of actually doing so is wrong. A service of thanksgiving/naming ceremony by all means.

As others have said, perhaps start attending the Church you would like to go to and see how you get on. It's possible you could have it as part of he main service then have tea/coffee/cake with the rest of the congregation in the hall afterwards. Also a good way of meeting people.

larry5 · 20/08/2016 09:15

None of my three children have godparents. When dc1 was christened we were members of a church where no one had individual god parents but the whole church were responsible for the Christian upbringing of each child. When dc2 and 3 were christened we decided to continue the same pattern and the interest and support of the church is still ongoing even though dc2 is nearly 40 and dc3 is 24.

Camembertie · 20/08/2016 09:22

I got baptised as a child by my mum as her and my dad were getting divorced, he wanted no part, she had few friends so I think aunt and uncle godparents. I reaffirmed it an adult and just carried on with my day as normal. DS got done at 10 and God-parents were there but just in congregation so could not have been there at all.

I totally get where you're coming from, would love to have our (secular) wedding vows reaffirmed in Church but exact same fear hat no friends to come

Definitely talk to the Priest, the wish to bring the children into the family of Church should definitely trump lack of god parents, am sure they'll be able to help.

MrsBobDylan · 20/08/2016 09:25

Defo do it if that's what you want but just to prepare you, Catholic priests want either or both parents to attend mass before getting their child baptised and ime ask all parents to attend 3/4 classes beforehand.

I wanted to warn you before you asked so it's not a surprise!

Don't worry about godparents (who are frankly doomed in terms of keeping in touch as far as I can see) and just go out for a meal as a family after, no need for a party at all!

MrsBobDylan · 20/08/2016 09:28

Also, my church do baptisms as part of the mass so lots of people there to watch - please don't worry about an empty church. All the parishioners love a nice baptism and will be very pleased to be part of it.

Original poster

MidnightPanda · 20/08/2016 21:44

Thanks everyone,
Very informative
We shall start going to mass next week and I'll pluck up the courage to speak to the priest

OP posts:

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