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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband constantly around

18 replies

mia1972 · 19/08/2016 16:41

I don't want to sounds nasty but my husband has started working from himself and is at home A LOT and it is a complete pain. I work 4 days a week and my day off with my little one is very precious, it's a different thing when we are on our own. I feel hubby is always trying to get involved in whatever we are doing on that day. So if I have some moms round and he is meant to be out, he'll come back on purpose and try to hang out with us. I find this socially quite awkward because it happens a lot to the point I'm not inviting any longer. I also only able to pick my lo on Thursdays from nursery, he picks up 3 days. So what does he do when is my turn, he wants to come with me ! So my only chance to have a chat with the nursery people he has to be there and interject in any conversation I have. I think that there is an element of him being a bit jealous , I'm more sociable and have more friends that I see regularly but it's driving me mad !!! The he gets offended if I point it out to him...HELP anyone else feels crowded in ??!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 19/08/2016 16:44

Isn't he meant to be working for himself? Is he actually doing any work?

Original poster

mia1972 · 19/08/2016 16:52

not as much as he needs to that is for sure and part of the problem

OP posts:

Lonnysera · 19/08/2016 16:55

That sounds very in your face! Is he always so overbearing?

FashionablyLate · 19/08/2016 16:58

I think it's nice he wants to be involved in family stuff, but I understand the need to have you're own space. I suggest meeting your friends outside your house, and perhaps start going for walks in the evening whilst he watches the kids. I find a quick walk really good for getting some time to just think and get out the house.

Danglyweed · 19/08/2016 16:59

When our dt's were born my also s/e dh dropped to 2/3 days a week to help out more.

It was an absolute pain in the ass, under my feet, spoiling my routine, mainly spoiling coffee mornings.

Eventually I just had to tell him he was really boiling my piss... he went back to 5 days, its bliss!

HereIAm20 · 19/08/2016 17:00

It drives me mad when mine works from home for the odd day and then comes to see what I am doing etc. I feel for you. Does he have a dedicated office area or is he working in a communal space? Perhaps a conversation sooner rather than later before it becomes a bigger issue is in order.

currentlyunavailable · 19/08/2016 17:01

I understand both points of view frankly. Why do you need to speak to the nursery without him? I can also understand that he is keen on spending time with his family, just tell him that it's awkward to have other mums around.
I don't really understand why men have to be banned from some mums gatherings, but he's your husband, you can talk to him!

SeaCabbage · 19/08/2016 17:04

Sounds really annoying. Have you been clear about not wanting him at the mums' gathering and about going to pick up the child on your own?

When is he going to start working harder?!

springwaters · 19/08/2016 17:07

When is he going to start working harder?!

You are joking? So it is ok for the OP to work part time but no her husband? This isn't 1974.

Both work 4 days a week. Agree 1 day each to be at home with the child in a caring role. The other 4 days you are at work- with out of the home or at home. Simple. Being the mother doesn't give you the monopoly on being the stagy at home parent- sounds like he wants to be involved.

Original poster

mia1972 · 19/08/2016 17:18

This isn't about being stagy spingwaters - just having some breathing space. I guess I am quite independent and we always had separate interests so I'm finding this difficult. To be honest he stopped looking after LO for a whole day on his own, he wasn't coping very well. I guess it's much easier to just appear when activities are organised and there are people around!

OP posts:

Iflyaway · 19/08/2016 20:45

To be honest he stopped looking after LO for a whole day on his own, he wasn't coping very well.

This does not sound good.

I had this, back then and there, reason I am a LP now...

Frankly, having a man-child around too was more than I could cope with, holding down a job, household, child, schooling, etc. while keeping the whole shebang together.... aging parents too

I'm out the other side now though. And you will be too when you get your priorities in order....

Good luck! Kids are more important in the long run... Adults will usually take care of themselves.

Wauden · 19/08/2016 21:10

Is he lonely and needing friends and company? Maybe he should get a hobby that results in his getting his own friends.

Original poster

mia1972 · 19/08/2016 21:29

He is lonely I guess but doesn't really do anything about it. And I understand that working on your own is lonely but having him hang around every single time there is somebody that has come to see me for a chat and catch up can be awkward, there is a different dynamic and different conversation and if it was every now and again it would be fine , he is not banned but I mean every single week, he will literally cancel work arrangements on spot , I need some peace Thanks you ladies :-)

OP posts:

Givemeabone · 19/08/2016 21:36

I totally get it mia my dh works away 3 on 3 off, so when he's off he's at home fulltime.
He is pretty independent though.
If I invite mum friends around he buggers off, he might say hello before going out bit he doesn't stick around. More because he finds it dull, but he also knows that the dynamic (and conversation) is different if he's around.

Givemeabone · 19/08/2016 21:38

We do spend a lot of tome together though when he is home. Is it worth planning a day or afternoon specifically to spend together?

cansu · 19/08/2016 21:39

I think you need to be very clear. Eg I am hosting a gathering of some other mums, i prefer to do this when you are out or busy working when will be a good time for you? If he moans tell him clearly that the other mums often talk about female issues, make it periods or gynaecological if this helps. Say they are embarrassed discussing such things while he is around. Hopefully he will then piss off. I would also hate this. I tend not to invite people here when my partner is here, he similarly hangs around, changing the atmosphere.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/08/2016 21:42

I think he's not suited to home working. I'm not. I get distracted and avoid work and have too many breaks. And I would miss people at work. Which is why I would never home work 100% of the time. He shouldn't either...

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 19/08/2016 21:53

Are you saying that him being offended is more important than you going mad? Tell him clearly that your single day of mummy time with LO is your special time, which means he cannot be there because it defeats the purpose. Together time is at the weekend. He can have his own special time by going back to doing his one day of one on one care if he wants.

Are you serious that he quit looking after his own child one day a week because he wasn't coping? How incompetent could he have been? Practise makes perfect. How on earth did you let him swing that one? Is he too crap at laundry and meal planning to do those too?

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