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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let my DS12 fly with grandparents.

43 replies

Cathaka15 · 15/08/2016 01:15

I have 4 dc and my 12 year old is going on holiday with his grandparents and two cousins. He's so excited. But I am terrified. With all that's been happening around the world and planes falling out of the sky. I am so scared to let him go. He's leaving on Tuesday. Ive told my dh how I feel but he says I'm being ridiculous. Am I ?

OP posts:

DailyFaily · 15/08/2016 01:32

Not ridiculous, it's just normal parenting angst. But the chances of something happening are minute, I'd think statistically your DS is more likely to be hurt crossing the road outside your home.

STIDW · 15/08/2016 01:40

It isn't ridiculous to be concerned about your children. However there are some risks in life & it isn't healthy for them to be wrapped up in cotton wool. The risk from accidents in the home or on the roads are greater. Think of it as a calculated risk & how much he will enjoy the holiday & benefit from the experience.

At 12 our son went on a school skiing holiday to Canada & he still talks about the marvellous time he had. He will be 30 next year. I remember giving him a phone card so he could let me know when they had arrived. We didn't hear anything for about 10 days then he phoned to say they had arrived & they were in Toronto on the way back!

Naturally I was worried the first few days but realised he was Ok otherwise I would have heard something. It gets easier & going abroad without us meant he was more confident & street wise when he was an older teenager & went to India.

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 15/08/2016 01:50

He's safer flying on a plane than he would be in a car. Tell us you're not even vaguely considering stopping him going. That would be ridiculous.

He'll be fine and back before you even know it, with wonderful memories to share with you.

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 15/08/2016 01:53

Oh thank you so much for your comments. You have no idea how much this helps.

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DanceTheBlues · 15/08/2016 01:55

I went on holiday with my grandparents and my cousin when I was 12 and it's still one of the best memories I have.

Millions of people fly on planes every day; if you're really worried then download the FlightRadar24 app and just have a look at how many planes are in the sky at any given moment. It's really helped me with my flight anxiety.

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 15/08/2016 01:56

I was thinking about it Rumpel.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 15/08/2016 01:57

Thank you Dance. Will try the app right now.

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DanceTheBlues · 15/08/2016 02:04

I hope it helps, if anything I'm a little bit obsessed with it - if I hear a plane go overhead I check the app to see where it's going!

I went to Australia for 3 weeks with my grandparents, and my parents asked me to keep a diary for my trip. It's brilliant for me to read back on it now. Would your son be willing/able to keep a diary for you both to look back on when he's older? That might make it easier for you too, knowing you've got a record of what he's been up to

Diglet · 15/08/2016 02:06

I understand but I think you have to keep it to yourself. You can't I it your child's life because of your own 'irrational' worries. I say that as someone who really doesn't like flying.

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 15/08/2016 02:22

Dance. That's a great idea. I think he would really
Love keeping a diary. I will suggest it to him as soon as he gets up.

OP posts:

Jenny70 · 15/08/2016 02:29

Even better a blog, so you can see it while he's away. Depends on what he has access to in the way of tablet/phone and internet etc.

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 15/08/2016 02:29

I haven't mentioned anything to ds. He's very sensitive so a hint of me doubting this trip Will really dampen his spirits. I have flown since I was a baby and I have been on some majorly dodgy airlines with drunken pilots and passengers standing in the aisles. But it's never bothered me. Till I had kids. Not I'm a major control freak who can't let go.

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davos · 15/08/2016 06:16

My dh took Dd abroad a few years ago and I was a nervous wreck.

I went into work the day they flew with the flight radar loaded on my phone and told my manager my phone was staying out. It was non negotiable. Thankfully my manager totally got it. He let me keep it out the entire week.

Yanbu to be nervous. Ywbu to not let him go or let him see how you feel. But it doesn't sound like you would do that.

trinity0097 · 15/08/2016 06:44

I was sent off to visit my grandparents having just turned 4 whilst my parents moved house. This involved a flight from London to the Isle of Man and back again. (Supervised by an air hostess)

I would quite happily send a 12 year old on a flight by themselves, never mind with family!!!

FreshHorizons · 15/08/2016 06:52

It is what parents do- however you keep it firmly to yourself and wave him off with a smile.
If you get the flight radar app you will be amazed at the number of planes in the sky at any one moment! Take a look at USA.
He is in far more danger if they give him a lift to school in their car.

ajandjjmum · 15/08/2016 06:56

Planes falling out of the sky?!!

He'll have a great time, and start to gain some independence. And you'll look back at it, and be really proud of your DS - and yourself for starting to let go.

FeckinCrutches · 15/08/2016 06:59

Drunk pilots?
Planes dropping out of the sky?

Where was all this happening them? I seemed to have missed it!

OiWithThePoodlesAlready · 15/08/2016 07:06

It is ridiculous but I do exactly the same when my dd flies (or drives) with her dad (my ex).

Of course to her I'm all smiles and excitement but inside I'm a nervous ball of energy until she is safely back next to me.

I love flight radar but refuse to look when she's flying incase it has a glitch and loses her plane causing me to have a heart attack.

Motherfuckers · 15/08/2016 07:13

What planes have fallen out of the sky?

And people don't stand in the aisles, like on buses, they were perhaps just stretching their legs/going to the toilet. And the pilot was not drunk... What airline was this?

AbyssinianBanana · 15/08/2016 07:20

Wtf, moyherfuckers -stating another poster's experience didn't happen like you were there? Just a couple of days ago some pilots were arrested for being drunk.

Motherfuckers · 15/08/2016 07:23

And what planes fell from the sky Abyssinian?

Fairylea · 15/08/2016 07:30

I understand your worries but you have to remember so many planes take off and land every single day, the chances of anything happening even with the recent stuff is very low.

My dd is 13 and is spending half the summer holidays with her dad in the USA. He lives there and came to get her and take her back and then his parents who are staying there for longer than dd is are already there and will bring them back with her. She's fine about it all, it's a trip she does every year and I just put it to the back of my mind.

It's a ridiculous thing but one of the ways I cope is to imagine she's not 000s of miles away, she's just down the road. With FaceTime and messaging I brainwash myself into thinking it's not far away and it makes me feel better!!

kath6144 · 15/08/2016 08:10

Dancetheblues - if you like monitoring planes, you'd love the app my DS (18, narrowly missed selection for air traffic control training recently) has on his iphone. No idea what its called, but it tells him not only where the plane is going, but also where it came from, who operates it, the type of plane and how many passengers are on it! We recently went to Europe on tunnel, he loved telling us where planes above us around Heathrow/Gatwick were going to, plus lots that went above us in Europe!!

Op - I would second using flight radar24, put the flight no in and you will be able to monitor his flight progress each way.

I get why you are nervous, I am similar but learning to chill more as DC get older - you just have to take a deep breath and let them spread their wings. My 2 were abroad separately last summer (age 15 & 17) - DS on a church volunteering trip to S africa, which was especially worrying, and DD on a Guide trip in Europe. Both had a fab time, DS is thinking of going back to S africa one summer, DD just been selected for another guide trip next year!

Hope your DS has a fab time and yes, I second keeping a diary.

Original poster

Cathaka15 · 15/08/2016 08:46

Woke up this morning and reading all the comments I feel so relieved. I did need to hear that I'm overreacting and just have to chill. I'm going to get the app people have suggested and try to be more excited for him. He deserves it. thanks all.

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FreshHorizons · 15/08/2016 08:50

He will have a great time! Well done for listening.

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